Close My Eyes (Twilight Fan-fiction)

Chapter 10 - Rejection

A/N: I know it's been months since I last uploaded. I've had a lot going on, hang in there. But I've finished school, so I can upload again!! Enjoyyyy ~ WorshipStew

(Bella's P.O.V)

I kissed Edward again softly, desperate for his lips on mine. I craved more of this feeling but his lips didn't move with mine this time. He gently pushed my shoulder away. I felt the harsh sting of pain even before he said anything.

"Bella, this isn't right." Edward whispered, looking away from my gaze.

"What do you mean?" I whispered back. I could already feel the pain of his rejection taking over.

"We're best friends, Bella," He said quietly. "I'm not ready for this yet. You've been depressed for weeks, virtually dead, it's been scaring the life out of me. I don't want us trying this incase you get hurt even more."

"You don't want me." I stated, it wasn't a question. 

He didn't want to hurt me even more? This was killing me. As much as I'd love to deny it, I always had some sort of romantic feelings towards him. I never acted on them because our friendship was so important to me. He didn't feel the same way back, he was just using me an excuse so he didn't come across as mean. 

My whole world seemed to crash around me all at that moment. He didn't want me, of course he didn't. My heart sank. How could I be such a fool? Pain took over all my senses. My walls were down, I was vulnerable and hurting beyond belief. Edward stared at me, dumbfounded, at my acccusation. 

"I'm sorry." I muttered, holding back tears as I stumbled out of his lap. "Excuse me." I turned and briskly walked towards the school building, avoiding as many people as I could. I heard Edward shout my name but I ignored him. The pain in my chest was overwhelming and I started crying. People stared at me and I stumbled blindly around the corridors, tears streaming. Before I knew it; I was locked up in the girls toilets. I shut myself in one of the cubicles and sobbed. I could hear Edward's constant banging on the door, his voice muffled. He must have followed me.

I kissed him. I can't believe I actually kissed him. This is why I didn't want to tell him how I felt, the rejection. The pain. The harsh sting of not being loved back. This is exactly what I'd been avoiding. Maybe I'm overreacting, or maybe I'm not. But all I knew was that I was hurting deeply. After weeks of being numb, after building my walls up; they had been torn down. My emotions were a thousand times more intense.

I sobbed harder as he pleas increased. He was begging me to come out. I didn't want to come out; I wanted to disappear. I wanted to stay hidden and never emerge.

"Bella, I didn't mean it like that. Please just come out," He cried. "Bella! Bella, please!"

I tried to ignore him but his pleas where ripping me to shreds. All I wanted was to be wrapped up in his arms but I knew he didn't want me the way that I wanted him. He was lying. He was using the 'I don't want to hurt you' excuse to let me down easy. I understand because who would want me? I don't even want me. I'm nothing. I'm just a sex toy for a crazed man. That's all I am. I'm just a beaten girl used for a dirty man's pleasure. I hate myself. I'm so disgusted at what I've become and the people I've hurt. I'm just letting everyone down, including myself. This is why I was pushing Edward away; because I don't deserve him. But even though I kissed him, the slight rejection was enough to kill me.

"Bella, please come out." He said quietly. The toilets were empty. So was the corridor which Edward sat. Everyone was in lesson, so his voice rang loud, piercing my already battered heart.

"Edward please." I murmured, my voice thick with tears. "Just go away."

There was no noise for awhile. Even when my sobs quietened; there was still no sound but my sniffling. I guessed he'd given up and gone to lesson. I don't blame him. I'm not worth it.