99 Days

Day 57 Monday

Today is my birthday. I don't really know what I'm going to do for it. Ethan told me he had a special surprise for me and Michie said she wanted to take me out with the girls. Both sounded like fun to me, but I'm not really sure how it would be. Every year in the past my birthday was just another day where I was teased and made fun of. I only spent it with my parents and it was the only day throughout the whole year where they're together peacefully. I knew this year that wouldn't happen.
When I got to my locker I looked up in shock of what covered my locker, it was cute decorations and stuff for my birthday. A few people signed it. It was from Michie and the girls. I almost cried. Never had anyone ever done that for me. I was so happy. I walked to class with a huge smile on my face. Today was going to be a good day, I just know it will. Just then a few kids knocked into me in the hallway sending me falling to the floor. "hey watch where you're going" i yelled at them.
"No, it is you that should be watching where they're going." they said and walked away. God damnit, people piss me off so much. Ugh... no I will not let them ruin my day. I got up and brushed myself off before heading to class.
Throughout the day a few people said happy birthday to me. A lot of Michie's friends spoke to me all throughout the day. Today felt great. After school Michie and her friends took me out for ice cream. Afterwards I met up with Ethan. He said he was going to take me to my surprise now.
"Where are we going?" i asked as we got into the car.
"It's a surprise." He said. What? He can't even tell me where we are going? This is why I hate surprises, I hate waiting for what it is. I folded my arms and stared out the window. We kept driving to the edge of town. We pulled up next to a small lake, a few people were sitting around. There was someone playing with their dog and a few kids playing down by the water. It was mostly open land around us. It was very peaceful, so very quiet.
Ethan grabbed a picnic basket from the trunk and walked out towards the lake. I was most definitely surprised. He laid out the blanket and we sat down together.
"This is nice." I said after an awkward silence.
"Yeah, it's one of my favorite places." he said smiling. I stared at him for a moment, how was I so lucky to have such a great guy as my friend? He caught me staring at him and smiled bigger, causing me to giggle. "What's so funny?"
"Oh nothing." I said holding back more laughter. Which was a lot harder than usual. Why am I acting like this? Am I flirting? Oh my gosh, I'm flirting. When did I ever do that...? I felt weird. I want to act like this and be happy, but I know he probably likes me too and I can't have anyone that close to me. My smiled faded and I looked away. Ethan took out the sandwiches he made for us. Ham and cheese for him and p.b. and jelly for me, just the way I like it.
We ate in silence, admiring the the view of the lake. After a while it was Ethan who broke the silence. "So how does it feel to be an adult now?" Honestly it didn't feel any different. I still felt like a seventeen year old. But instead I said, "It's great, I feel free." Which is true. I am no longer under any control of my mom or dad. I kinda miss them though. I haven't heard from them in a while.
"What are you thinking of?" Ethan asked.
"My parents, I miss them. I kinda want to go home, but I know that won't solve anything. Mom still won't tell me about the fight." I had called a few times now and had left messages to see if she would tell me, but she hasn't. It's obvious that whatever the fight was about it's more important than me being home safe.
"Oh... well I think I'd miss you if you went back home." he said. I blushed. No one has ever said that they would miss me, much less a guy.
"Well I don't think you'll have to miss me 'cause I'm not going home 'till I get an answer." I said. He smiled and looked at me. I felt this weird thing in my gut, I started getting nervous. Why is he staring...?
"Did you know that you're really cute when you're nervous." he said. What? Me cute?
"Ummm... what?"
"I said that you're really cute when you're nervous"
"I heard that, but you think I'm cute?"
"No I don't think you're cute, I know you are."
"I'm not cute.." I protested.
"Why do you say that?" Oh I don't know maybe because everyone that's ever met me has thought otherwise, that I was called fat and ugly.
"Because I'm not cute." I repeated.
"Bianca, you're the most beautiful woman I have ever met. I know you have heard otherwise from the kids at school, but they're wrong." he said. I was speechless. I didn't know what to say, or do. How did he know what I was thinking? He has said that its easy to read what I'm thinking, but I didn't know it was that easy. I looked away and stayed silent.
"Are you okay?" he asked. How should I respond? That no I'm not okay because it's sad that he's the only one to ever say that to me, the only one to think that, that not even my parents say things like this to me. They don't make me feel loved, but he does. What should I say...?
Instead I just shook my head and stayed silent. He scooted closer to me and put his arm around me, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Lies. Tell me, what's wrong."
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Then it won't get better."
"Fine. I don't care." He didn't respond right away. Instead he looked at me, irritated.
"Bianca I get it, ok. But I am trying to help you and you won't let me. You keep pushing me away everytime I try to get closer, why?"
"It's easier."
"How?"
"When ever I let people get close to me they always hurt me."
"Like your parents?"
"Yes, like my parents. This is why I don't have any friends."
"I thought I was your friend."
"... You are. You're one of my only friends. You were the first one to show me any kindness. At first I thought it was because of your old friend Kristin."
"Do you still think that?"
"No, now I think it's because you like me." He stayed quiet for a moment. I could tell he was holding back a smile.
"Well I do like you, a lot."
"Well that's a first."
"Good."
"How is that good. Most people my age have dated a handful or more of people. I haven't had anyone but you like me."
"Well at least I'm the only one. Now I won't have to fight with another guy for your attention."
"Oh." He did have a point with that.
"And I know you like me too." I blushed. Do I really want to let him know, should I let him closer? "You don't have to be afriad to tell me, Bianca. I won't hurt you, I never want to hurt you." he told me.
"Yes. I really like you." There I've said it. I have finally admitted it. I looked over to him and he was smiling. i smiled too. What's going to happen now? I tried not to think too much about it. I just stared out towards the sun that was finally setting.
"We probably should get going." he said. I nodded in agreement. The car ride home was weird. Neither of us said anything the whole time. I didn't really know what to say.
"So.." Ethan said as we went inside.
"What?"
"You've been quiet."
"Yeah? So have you."
"Oh. Yeah. Sorry. I just don't really know what to say now."
"Same here. Umm so what do we do now?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well I like you, and you like me so it's kinda hard to just be friends after that. Plus living with you is gonna be awkward."
"True. So what do you want to do about it?" That was a good question. Do I really want to be in a relationship with him? Or should we stay friends? "I guess what I should really be saying is will you go out with me?"
I thought for moment before I answered. The first reponse in my head was yes. That this is my chance ot be happy and that I should take it. Though a lot of my first instincts just get me into more trouble this is one I just might take a chance with.
"Yes, Ethan, I'll go out with you." I said smiling. He smiled bigger and pulled me in for a hug. This had been one of the best birthdays I have ever had. We held each other for a while. Once we let go Ethan suggested that we go watch some movies. I grabbed my blanket from my bed and brought it to the couch. Ethan put in a movie and sat down next to me and pulled me close to him. "I take back anything I said about mondays and how awful they are. Today has been great." I said.
"Well that is what I was aiming for." he said. I smiled and leaned into him and watched the movie. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew Ethan was trying to wake me. I got up and walked sleepily to my makeshift bedroom and layed down on my bed.