The Dark in his Eyes ~ Jason Mccan

Chapter 11 - Compassion?

Brittani's POV
My eyes fluttered open as I was met with familiar surroundings: Jason's room. As I moved to turn over a groan left my lips, my full body was in pain and as I remembered the events from yesterday I felt pain not just in my body but in my heart too.... "Finally awake, I see" he muttered as he strolled into the room. I just shrugged a reply and turned to go back to sleep, "Brit you need to get up, I want to down the day with you today" he muttered, the sincerity that I once knew showing in his voice. "Fine" I grumbled under my breath as I turned to get up but another wave of pain washed over me and I did all I could to not scream out. "Woah what's wrong with you?!" He exclaimed. Oh nothing not that you've been treating me as a punching bag for who knows how long and it has finally caught up to me. "Here I'll help you" he mumbled as he made his way over to me " I am quite capable, I just need a minute" I snapped. "Obviously you're not as capable as you think" he replied with a smug smile "How about a shower" he smirked. "If you think for one second that I am going to allow you to see me in the shower you are mistaken" I spat as he lifted me out of the bed and into his arms yet continued towards the shower anyway completely ignoring my earlier speech. "Chill" was all he said just chill, yeah that's fine I'll just chill even though any second now you could just turn into a bubbling out of fury and decide that you want to lock me in the basement again!

"No" I muttered stubbornly "I will not get a shower while you're in here". "Hey I'm just thinking about you're safety, what if you fell?....." He replied. "If I fall I'll shout" I demanded "Get out!". "What about if I turn around?" He compromised "Oh yeah like you're really gonna 'turn around', no you need to leave and I'll shout if I need anything" I ordered one last time before he gave up and left with a massive sigh while muttering that I was 'no fun'.

After drying off from my shower my muscles finally loosened and I was able to move again..... Ish. I had opted to wear comfy clothes consisting of one of Jason's hoodies and some sweatpants.

"Have a nice shower?" He questioned as I entered the living room where he was positioned on the sofa just watching TV. "Come sit" he muttered patting the space next to him. I dodged his order and instead asked "so where is everybody?". "Oh they're on a job, so it's just you and me" he replied a smirk growing on his face. "Now, sit" he commanded again, he is so stubborn sometimes. "I'm good standing actually...." I mumbled "For once Brit just do as I say without arguing?" He asked and hesitantly I agreed as I sat by his side and didn't complain once. He slowly snaked his arm around my neck and pulled me closer towards him but since I was feeling nice today I didn't object. Not. Even. Once. "I love you y'know" he mumbled. And for once he was showing vulnerability something I haven't seen in him in a long time. "I know I don't always show it but I really do.... And I know that deep down you did once too" he mumbled. "You brainwashed me to love you. I was so scared and you were the only person who 'cared' about me and protected me" I mumbled. "I know, I know that's what your therapist told you...." How the hell does he know what my therapist said?! "But you yourself know that deep down you did but if you want to continue to be in denial be my guest..." He replied smugly. "Don't even...." I started but he cut me off. "Don't ruin the moment. For once I'm not pissed off at you and let's not ruin it.......". I sighed and thought about his proposition "Fine" I huffed in defeat as he pulled me even closer towards him.

"I want to go back to how we were..." He mumbled "Before I went to jail and all that shit" he continued "I actually think we were happy together"
"I don't even know what I felt I was in a bad situation and forced myself to find the smallest amounts of happiness I could just so I had at least one reason to smile. I can't remember it might have been true happiness but I don't think it was......" I sighed in reply. I felt Jason tense, obviously not happy with my response. "I don't need your opinion on this one Brit I'm fine with my own" he spat. "Okay... Whatever, I was just saying..." I mumbled "Yeah well next time, don't" he warned.  I could sense he was slightly pissed now so instead of angering him further I just left him to believe whatever he wanted, even if it was slightly delusional.

I had gone upstairs earlier when the rest of the 'gang' came back, I wasn't really into the whole social thing especially not when I'm being forced to be here. I had said this to Jason and he had let me go upstairs albeit reluctantly . It was now a couple of hours later and from the light or should I say lack of light from outside I am guessing it's already late, I had tried to sleep but they were makings so much noise. Probably all pissed off of their heads was my conclusion. The noise quietened down considerably as I heard the door shut and I guess a few of them had left or had finally fallen asleep. I turned back over and closed my eyes willing myself to sleep but my ears pricked up as I heard the bedroom door open and someone stumble in, I had not delusions about who it was. It was Jason and by the sound of things he was barely able to walk. He dropped into the bed with a thud as he wrapped his arm around my waist and I shivered. "Brit?" He questioned as I snapped my eyes shut. I can barely have a conversation with him when he's sober let alone now. "I don't know why you can't love me" he croaked. His voice was broken and I couldn't tell whether it was because he was sad or if he was just that intoxicated "I love you so much, why can't you love me..." He repeated before his head hit the pillow and just like that he was asleep. Guilt ran through my body. Why couldn't I love him, maybe because he's a murderer and has stolen any chance of a normal life I could ever have but maybe at one point I did love him in a weird way and even though sometimes I hate him maybe is still do love him.... I questioned as I fell asleep.....

I don't even know if I like this I'm just running out of ideas 😂 x