In the Midst of it All

Stop Waiting

Never.

That was the concept I was struggling to come to terms with. Even without the icy shadow of death looming over it, the human brain always has difficulties comprehending "forever". You know that moment, that burns out of the corner of your eye, where you imagine a recurrence of future stretching out in front of you? Imagine the day after that, and the day after that and the day after the day after the day after until you get so absorbed your mind just dissolves and you lose track of forever. That's how it feels, but worse.

Because a misconception I had about grief was that it gets easier, that I would get used to it. But it didn't, and I never will. It got harder. Even though I was trying my hardest to understand "never" I was failing. Miserably.

I would never see him again.

We would never share a laugh again.

I would never hear his steady heartbeat again.

"Never" kept popping up in every thought that crossed my mind, and it was inevitably exhausting. And it just kept getting more difficult.

It was like when you're waiting for something you've been aching for, and the longer you are apart from it, the harder it is to wait, and you grow so impatient you feel fit to implode. Deep down I still waited for Max, and the longer I couldn't see him, the harder it was to wait. My mind, or rather heart, refuses to accept the grim austerity of "never".

I knew eventually I would have to accept the fact that he was never coming back, but it felt impossible. In fact, everything felt impossible now. Everything was a drag, physically and emotionally draining. But I was never tired at night. I was wide awake, trying not to cry.

So how did I, Piper Richards, learn to deal with it? The answer was simple. I had to. The people I loved worried about me, and I knew Max, whom I loved, would want me to be happy.

And the last thing I expected was to smile when I heard his name again. Not because he was gone, but because I had the privilege of knowing a time before the incident, a time when his smile could light up the saddest heart. And as hard as it was, I managed to stop waiting.

(A/N) thank you for reading, and sorry this one got a bit deep. The thing about this book is, I am writing bits of different stories I get ideas for, but I am not a good enough writer to write a full story, so these short excerpts are something I enjoy.

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~Sunflower