In the Midst of it All

The Moment I Knew

Dear Circumstance,
What is the one thing you know you'll always be? Because there is some sense of security in knowing exactly who you are, and knowing who you're not. For me, it was my strength. Not physically, perhaps, but in all ways otherwise; I could cope with pain. Sometimes I was mean, sometimes I lied, sometimes I was stupid, and sometimes I was pessimistic. But even on the worst days, I could be counted on to be strong. Even on the worst days, I avoided being weak like it was a plague.

but how many times
do you expect me to pick myself up
after you push me down?
onto the ground.
Get back up,
Pain wears off,
Carry on,
Silent
and strong.

But on the very worst day, I was weak and unsubstantial; I was a coward. On the very worst day, nothing could make me strong: I just forgot how to be. The phrase would be: my strength deserted me- but it was more so that I deserted my strength. I gave up on it, I let go of the tightly woven rope I had held on to for as long as I could remember. I wasn't strong. This may mean nothing to you, but my strength was the only thing I had left, the only thing I could honestly say, without fear of prevarication, that I would always have.

And what happens
when you lose the
last thing?
You lose your
Mind
You lose
Control.

You lose control. To me, my strength meant I could stand on my own two feet, firmly on the ground, always. Always standing, never breaking down. Not when I lost my best friend, not when I lost my brother, not when I lost my parents. Always standing, never breaking down. And what did it take to bring me to my knees? Blue eyes that did not light up when I opened the door and yelled: "I'm home!" A kind heart that did not beat when I cried for my sister to wake up. The blue eyes stayed dull and dead. Dead.

Blue eyes that
Don't light up.
To me,
Like flowers
That don't grow,
Like rivers
That don't
Flow.
Like birds
That don't
Fly.
Like stars
that don't
Shine
Like tears
That aren't
Mine.

I lost the last person I had left. I lost the last thing I had left. I gave up on being strong, because I had nothing left to be strong for. Nothing and no-one. The rope unravelled. I let go. I lost control. My dream was to be the one thing I thought I always would be for the rest of my life. It was my ambition. My sole hope. I only asked for that one thing.

The nurse,
She told me,
I cried.
"It's all my fault."
I said.
She said no.
It's no-one's
fault
she's dead
I asked: who
do I blame
if not
myself?
she said: "blame circumstance."
So here I am,
Blaming you,
For the dreams that don't come true.

And the moment I heard the words: "we tried our best." From a nurse whose name I did not know, that was the moment I knew.

That was the moment I knew.
That dreams just can't come true.

Yours hatefully,
Victim 112388933344455577698

(A/N) Hi guys, wrote this for a contest again. The theme is "The Moment I Knew".
It could be in any format, and I couldn't decide between a letter or a poem, so I chose to do both. I don't really know what this is, but I'm pretty pleased with it, so I'm going to enter it. I just wanted to say thank you so much for reading. I know that I don't have as many reads as some, but the people who read this and vote for it are genuinely wonderful.

This piece just sprung from the phrase "victim of circumstance ". One of my teachers used it whilst describing the victims of an earthquake. I remember wondering how many victims of circumstance there were, and how they were all lost in a blizzard of victims, without recognition, without a name remembered. That's why I didn't name anyone in this...story? Like I said, I don't know what it is.

Special thanks to AlyciaBeckett because she has been so great and amazing by voting for/ commenting on my stories and she is just a great reader. Thank you so much.

Okay, bye, and please consider pushing the star at the bottom of the page if you liked it!

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(A/N) ASDFGHJKLZXCVBNMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
I just found out yesterday that I have won the contest I wrote this for! if you have been awesome and have been reading this book from the beginning than you'll know that I have entered a lot of contests, and it feels unreal to be winning one. I am so happy and I could literally explode right now!

ASDFGHJKLZXCVBNMQQQWERTYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
PTSHHHHHHHSPSHHHSTHSTARRRGHHHHHPTSHHHHHHHHHWOOSHLALA!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ That was me exploding.^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Anyways, winning means I am a guest judge on the next contest, which is about Hallowe'en, so if you would like to enter go check out the last chapter in Contests book!

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻
~Sunflower!