(for the seven year old,
they will look down at you like you are broken rain
dont smile for the cameras if
the person behind them is cruel)
KINDER, THEY SAID BUT
THEY WERE NEVER KIND TO ME
I REMEMBER SINGING THROUGH MY LONELINESS IN MY
FIRST MEMORIES
(for the ten year old,
you will notice defections in what they say
you will be burned when you speak and
dont tell them what you see but
my god, dont stop seeing)
TAKE MY HANDS AND CREATE THE MONSTER YOU LIKE
LOOK AT THE VAMPIRE DOLLS YOU HAVE MADE AND
TELL ME YOU ARE HAPPY WITH WHAT YOUVE DONE
(for the twelve year old,
you are not small
you are not unworthy
hide notes under your bed and look at the stars
they tell you things everyone tried to hide from you)
YOU CAN TELL ME WHAT I AM EVERY GODDAMNED MOMENT OF MY
LIFE BUT
STRENGTH IS NOT YELLING
LOVE IS NOT ABANDONMENT AND
I DONT CARE WHAT YOU THINK
(for the fifteen year old,
run
their honeycoated words are knives
they said 'you are lovely'
they said 'you are kind'
run
they will destroy you)
YOU CHANGED AND I SLEPT ON YOUR DOORSTEP
IT SNOWED IN THE DAMNED SUMMER AND
I STILL HAVE ALL YOUR STUPID POSTCARDS
YOU SHOULDVE STAYED
YOU SHOULDVE STAYED
(for the eighteen year old,
ride on the backs of burning men
who tear your shirt off and cover your mouth
'you slut'
'you whore'
they never deserved you and
smile at them when you stand on the kingdom you
created)
YOU LEFT ME ON A SUNNY DAY AND
THE WORST PART WAS YOUR SILENCE
I YELLED AFTER YOU AND I
BURNED YOUR NAME TO THE GROUND AND YET
HERE YOU ARE
I HATE YOU
AND
I DONT WANT TO STILL LOVE YOU
(there, i said it.
you said everything perfectly but now i will say this:
you told me i was incomplete and
i will destroy you even if it means
i destroy myself)
(think of this when you tell her you love her.)
what you do when nothing works out || e.s.
