My eyes roam from his face to y/n's facial expressions to search for any clue of her thoughts but she's inscrutable which leaves me with no choice but to retract myself to my seat. Donghyun spares me a knowing look as if my face is a mirror reflecting my emotions, making me afraid of my thoughts. My attention shifts back to y/n and I watch her nodding her head at Wooyeong's incoherent words. I can hear my chest and my heartbeat thundering , hoping to steal her sight and the realisation dawns on me. This is pathetic, crazy and incomprehensible.
Without any second thoughts, I pick my pace outside the classroom, well aware of the bustle of footsteps following me as I shove my phone out of the pockets of my jeans. Every nerve of my brain is itching with resentment and poise, for Wooyeong. This is ruining my conscience in a way which has forced me to recognise my real feelings for y/n.
"Where are you running off to?",Jaehyun shouts amidst the noise of the crowd in the hallway and I look back to face all of my 3 friends behind me, they are quaking in their boots to tease me about my reaction."I'm going to the store to buy something. You guys coming?", They join me without any response and we walk our way across the building. I take a mental note to frame my expressions nonchalantly.
"On a scale of 1 to 10, how badly?",Donghyun blurts.
"What?"
"How badly do you wanna go back and push that new guy away and talk to y/n?",he shoots an arrow at my ego.
I give him a concerned expression, presenting him the option to choose his words carefully but to no avail. I might be stern and opaque to the entire world but every trick is idiotic to pull off in front of them.
"11.", It's taking every bit of dignity in my body not to let my senses be overwhelmed by the sheer need of holding her and smothering her with kisses. All the curiosity of my feelings for her has quadrupled now. If I was any confident of my ability to separate my needs and wants for a relationship, the lines are blurred by just a memory of y/n and wooyeong talking.
"You love her.",Mingyu announces, causing me to pause in my tracks. This man is unbelievably humorous."I love her?",I'd rather be inhaled in a shark's mouth than taste the words 'love' burning on my tongue. My mind struggles to put my thoughts together and my attention wanders off to a third world.
"What I feel for her is special. I've never felt so consumed by a person, so...", I face him,"so satiated by just a look or a touch of a person. It's so unusual.... like have you ever felt that if you didn't have a specific person in your life, you'd be lost and hopeless? I don't know if it makes sense but this is all so overwhelming and surprising that sometimes I feel I've lost control of my mind and emotions when it comes to her. I want to see her happy, I want to take care for her, I want to protect her from all the things in the world that can have even the slightest of a bad effect on her mood.", I can experience a strange pull around my throat, suffocating me in a deep thrall of emotion."It's too much and too difficult. I don't know what to feel but at the same time, the moment she's in my arms, I'm the happiest person in the world.",I exhale a sigh.
"Yeah, a yes would've worked but, whatever makes you happy.",Donghyun clicks his tongue and my eyebrows furrow at him. My body is running on a pedestal, trapped in a whirlwind of realisations, making me too tedious to answer him so we close the conversation with a mutual silence but I know the curiosity in my body has erupted into a volcano, one that I have figured no solution for.
— 3 hours later —
12:45 P.M.
The bell rings through the speakers, followed by a squeal of excitement saving me from this torture of a class. I'm all signed up for a history lesson but not when I've a thousand other things to conclude in my present. As if on cue, the girl sitting in front of me swivels her face at me with the brightest gleam in her eyes but I notice the anxiety bouncing off her gaze."Are you okay?", she clasps her arms on my desk with her head propped on the expanse of her skin. It strikes me how she has no idea of all the confusion and terrifying fights going inside my head.
YOU ARE READING
SMITTEN || J.JK (Ongoing)
Fiksi Penggemar❝You make me feel things I didn't believe in anymore.❞ He's terrified of love. She's terrified of never being enough. What starts as a distraction slowly turns into something neither of them wanted - feelings. But with buried insecurities, messy sec...
