My Song

Chapter II. WHAT IF

A MONTH BEFORE the closing of the school year I sat on my chair inside the classroom. The teachers were very busy summing up the grades of the students and that left us having no class that day. Almost all of my classmates were making noise that time. I, on the other hand, was listening to some mp3s through my phone. I have slowly forgotten the incident that I would never want to remember ever again. The activities at school helped me get busy and eventually heal from the scar that life's undesirable trials gave me. I was getting by. At the corner of my eye I saw my classmate Cedric sit beside Gav who was sitting right behind me. The two boys started talking which sounded quite unclear to me at first. I am not much of an eavesdropper and it wasn't my fault that Cedric's voice was loud so I heard what they were talking about.

"What do you like about Julian, Gav?" Cedric asked the boy that was busy writing something.

Julian? She's Gav's girlfriend. If I am correct, months ago, in the middle of an ordinary day Gav made a scene at the school by giving Julian a rose in front of many people. That time he was only courting her and because of what he did, she gave him her sweet yes. Gav didn't answer Cedric's question immidiately. By the temporary silence it was obvious that he brainstormed his way to his answer.

"I don't know, Ced," Gav finally gave his answer and continued, "she really is nice."

Well, he sounded unsure. He likes a girl because she's nice? Anyone could be nice! I myself could be nice too. But what's about me? I just laughed at my thoughts. T'was about Julian and Gav anyways. But Julian is one lucky girl! If you search through the whole high school building, Gav could be the prettiest boy there. You can call him the crush of the town, hearthrob, very handsome, charming, cute, or anything that describes one's physical appearance nicely. More than that, he's a basketball player and whenever there is a game Gav's name is one of the loudest cries of the girls. It's not an exaggeration. It's a fact. He's perfectly tall, white, and handsome with his small eyes and tantalazing smile. Julian's got an ideal guy. And I thought, I'm very fortunate too. Not everyone is given the chance to have Gav as a classmate. More than that, a backseat mate! I myself was even more fortunate than Julian for I spend everyday with Gav while she spends only an hour after class with him. All of my thoughts lured me away from seeing that the boys behind me left the classroom. 

~

Before going home after class, a familiar voice called me from behind. When I stopped walking and turned around to see who was calling my name, I saw Gav. He was wearing a big smile which meant simply nothing to me. When he reached me he offered to walk me home. Our house was just a walking distance from the school so I just walked my way from home to school and vice versa. Also, I walk alone. But since he's a friend, everything seemed normal. So we walked to my house together. Along the way Gav was talking to me. While he was talking to me he looked me in the eyes. His words were,

"Ina, do you know I really like a beautiful girl? A kind one suits good to. I wish to pursue a girl who is a Christian and knows how to be a really good companion... which is why I decided to walk with you now..."

I wondered if Gav could mean that... he likes me?!

"I really wish that this girl knows how much I like her. She's really beautiful and wonderful for me... I really wish she knows." 

I was looking at Gav in his eyes, trying to see if he meant what he just said. Gav looked at me too... and laughed. Someone from behind me laughed too! As I looked around, I saw Julian. JULIAN?! Julian was there?!

"Of course I already know." Said Julian looking at Gav.

I saw the image of Alina that time with her jaw bagged down. She was smiling but inside her soul she was surprised. I WAS SURPRISED! All the more when Gav and Julian threw meaningful laughs at each other. Gav told his girlfriend that he'd just take me home. Julian just smiled. And all I was able to say was, "Oh."

 ~

Then I woke up. I looked at my cellphone and saw the date. The screen displayed "Saturday". There was no class. There was only a dream. What a pathetic dream! But what if... the dream really happened to me? I could've been super embarassed! All the time in my dream, Gav was speaking of romantic words, talking to me, and was referring to Julian! I appeared to be a jerk in front of them two! Fortunately, it was only a dream. It's something that would never really happen. But I proved myself wrong. All through the day I secretly thought of my dream and tried to recall Gav's words and remember how handsome he was when he was speaking to me. When I was able to surf the net, I opened his facebook profile not knowing what my motive was. I opened his pictures and tried to stare at them. Later have I realized that I was wearing a big smile on my face while I was looking at his picture. That very moment I could have been out of my mind. Maybe it wasn't Alina who was stalking her classmate even through facebook. No. Alina was being controlled by an unknown force. I couldn't possibly like Gav, could I?

Monday came. I returned to school to pass a project. At the same time the school bell rang and it was time for recess. I saw Cedric and Isaac walking out of the building towards me. Maybe to greet. They did and eventually left to have their snacks. Then I realized, if Cedric and Isaac walked out already, Gav could be following! The thought gave me tummy shivers. Is this the "butterfly-in-my-stomach" feeling? I asked myself. A deep breathe I took in and decided to enter the building to pass my project. I couldn't figure out then if I was fortunate or not when I saw Gav walking my way! Maybe I was fortunate enough to take a deep breathe before because when he was near me I couldn't breathe... literally! I stood still on my place like a statue, my mind buggled up with splashing colors and indescribable feeling of shyness. Gav greeted me. I grinned. He walked away afterwards. I ran... very fast. I do like Gav! I do have a crush on him! Stupid dream. What if... everything would change between us? What if... I would only be broken hearted because Gav has a girlfriend already? What if... I couldn't control myself and be obvious with my feelings? Because I knew it wouldn't be just any crush. It felt unordinary.

"Alina!"

A man's voice awakened me from my day dreaming again. It was Sir G, the adviser and coach of the TechYes Club. I greeted him and he did likewise. He was holding a peace of paper and he gave it to me.

"The names of the students who are accepted in the club are written here. I'd like you to show it to them and return it if you're done."

"Yes, sir."

Sir G marched away from me. I looked at the paper and read what was written on it. It said, "1. Vic, 2. Cyto, 3. Joshua, 4. Alina, 5. Dj, 6. Sofia..." I halted and read again. There was my name! Number 4! I was accepted in TechYes! My heart was filled with overwhelming joy and everything that feels pleasant. Because of the gratitude and happiness that I felt I sprinted my way to the other students who were accepted in the club. When I met them, some of us screamed of joy and jumped up and down. The people looked at us with wondering eyes and curiousity. Who cares about embarassment now? We were blessed to be accepted and it was worth the cheers and shouts. The feeling was like you've won in a small town lottery, or maybe even more than that.

As I looked at myself that time I was surely blessed. A month ago I was a depressed young girl who thought there was no hope for her but God showed her mercy. My classmates even knew what happened to me, except that I did an illegal thing. But they knew I bruised my mother. My sister told them when I went absent for some days and they started asking of my whereabouts. When I returned school they kept silent about it and never did ask me about what really happened. Somehow with their normal treatings I recovered fast from the illness that could have killed me, spiritually. And there I was, a sinner, accepted in a club wherein the chance of being accepted is slim... and in love.