My Random thoughts

Random

Well, I got rrreeeaaallllyyyy bored, and I began thinking of a situation that included my friends let's just say DS, and NC who had an unreturned crush on DC, and no, these are NOT imaginary.

I decided to mix that unrequited crush with a friend that moved away and I haven't heard from since.

So it's basically an "I love you but you're gone type deal." Let's just call that friend Nip, which was my nickname for him, I didn't have feelings for the guy but that NC and DS situation was funny and so I make something out of them both.

The unrequited crush turned into a depressed maniac which I found a bit funny cuz I was too lazy to find any other way to twist it...

I want some cheerios.
And some orange Juice...

Shut up! I know they taste gross together!
***

Sadness,
and anger.
Swirled
like a
storm in my heart.

Rage
and
Depression
paint
my
vision
Red...
and blue.

I miss him.

I liked him

Not because
He was
a boy.

Or
Cute.

Or funny.

But because he was Him.

He was
Real.

He was
Genuine.

He was
HOPE.

He was
NOT
just
a
crush.

But it
Crushed me every time
I climb those
godxmned
stairs.

And he
wasn't there.

Like
he used
to be.

Even still.

After a year
I wanted
To
see him
And for him
to hug me.
Or even
just
look at me.

He said he
liked me.
Loved me.

I tried
and
pushed him
away.

I'm sorry.

But if he knocked at my door
once more.

I would have
thrown
myself at him.

But now.
It's all over.
He's gone.

Now
Every dxmned day
I think
of him.
Fantasizing
that he has it good.

A life better without me
Or my negativity.

I wonder what would have
happened
if I said yes.
He still
would have
moved away.

Even of my
thoughts
are filled
with him
every.
Single.
Day.

I still would be left alone.
Without him.
His smile.
His laugh.
His charm.

When he told me
"I Like You."
"I Love You."
was stuck in my throat.
It burned to get out.

But, I didn't
I just
Didn't
Want to
Lose him.

So

I held
my tongue.
Because
It would only
Complicate things.

It would have made it harder for me to say goodbye..Or to even face him. Or to hug him when he left.

It
would only
make it harder
for him
to leave
Me behind.

And.

I'd hurt him.

So I
kept
the burning words
in my mouth
keeping
my tears
at bay.

I wish
I
had
lost
it.

I wish
I'd lost my
cool
or my fear
or my mind.

I wish
I could tell
Him how much
He
meant
to
me.

When he said
you "Like" me.
Like is a four letter word.
And a day for every letter I had with him.
Is only four days
a lifetime to short
a page ripped from a book
Me
Without
You.

Incomplete.

It felt
as if
for every letter,
those were
my chances
to say
"I Love You."

You werent
just a
meaningless
crush.

He was my Crutch.
I depended on him
like a cripple.

But
How can I
depend
on
something
who's not there?

I would fall
unable to walk.
Hopping like
an
amputee
with my leg cut off.

Except
my heart was cut out.
And I'd say.
"Sorry for the blood on your clothes."

But

He said
"Like" as if it was
the hardest thing to say.
For me
it was
much
harder.

I couldn't tell him
Because you'd try to do something about it.
I
am just
a burden
that you've probably forgotten.

"I Love Y-"

Oh... I wasn't even
Able to get
The burning lie
To pass my lips

But.
You're already gone.

***

I lost this account for a few months, and made two others in its wake, I just gained access a bit ago, and realized I have this old thing, and never posted it. It's likely not edited, immature and not to my liking. I'm not really active on this account anymore, so this "part" is a fair-thee-well for this.

I have other accounts I've opened since I haven't been able to gain access to this (Now I have tho, but I'm not into it anymore) So if I am to be contacted, go to my second account.

And peeps, Other account is on Bio. Reeeaaaallly don't feel like repeating myself over a few different things.