Let Me Love You · Lawlorff

The Third Chapter

SAMS POV

"So.. uh.. W-why do you do it?" Kian asks me. We're back at his place and there's a bowl of caramel corn between us. He's wearing grey sweats and an old hoodie, I'm still in my uniform. We're down to the whole question session now that we're settled Indian style on his bed.

Because he makes me.
Because i'm filth.

I want to tell him the truth but it's not like I can just tell him that.. "I uh-" I start but he doesn't let me finish.

"Don't lie to me.. Please. Just.. Don't." Kian's voice wavers and he plays with a piece of the popcorn.

Fuck, I can't lie to him. I don't have the ability anymore..

"Jake, he uh, he makes me.." I whisper.

"Jake.. As in your boyfriend Jake?" I nod solemnly. "Sam.." He let's out an exasperated sigh.

"Next question" I say curtly to avoid any follow up questions about my low quality boyfriend.

"Ugh, okay uhm, so what exactly to you do?"

"Well... almost every night I go down and perform. Sometimes a strip tease.. S-sometimes I strip completely. A-a-nd then I uhm, I put some clothes back on and basically wander around the club, talk to r-random men until one decides to buy me a-"

"Buy you?" He quirks an eyebrow at me.

"Like uh, I guess like a hooker? They can buy specific sexual acts or buy me for the night and be able to do whatever with me all night." It sounds so much worse when you word it like that..

"Oh..."

"Yeah." We trail off into moments of awkward silence until he breaks it again.

"So there are limits right? So you're safe.. sorta?" Kian says and eats some caramel corn.

"Yeah, there's a few. Uh, when I say stop you have to stop. You have to wear a condom unless you provide up to date STD tests.. Forms of violence cost extra. That's about it I think.." I look down at my basically bare body and think of all of the hands that have been on me.. Disgusting.

"Sammers! You're hardly protected!" He exclaims and looks at me with worry.

"Kiwi, I'm fine.." I say quietly, still not looking him in the eyes.

"What's the worst thing that's ever happened, if it's not too traumatic?"

Fuck.

"O-oh. Uhm. During my first month of working there, there was this customer and he seemed really sweet. He was a business man, late twenties, pretty hot too and so he saw me and thought, for whatever God forsaken reason, that he wanted me for the night and so we left in his limo. Everything was fine and all but then when we got back to his penthouse, his friends were over and some of them were stoned and I don't know. I guess he changed. They uh.." My voice cracks and he immediately jumps off his bed and moves over to my side of the snack bowl. Kian cradles me in his lap and kisses my hair. I wait a few seconds before continuing on with my nightmare. "They put a cock ring on me, which I could handle.. then they gagged me and tied me up, which I could also handle. BSDM is pretty common. But t-then I guess you could say they gang banged me... I was there for four nights. A-at one point.. Uh, three of them were.. fuck, i'm sorry.." I take another pause as all of the memories done spilling back to me but he just continues kissing my bleached hair. "Three of them fucked me at once." The kisses stop.

He knows how filthy you actually are. He knows that you're worthless.

I let out a small sob and curl by body away from his and into itself. My spine shakes with another sob and I can feel the awkward moment of 'do I tell him to leave or wait for him to do it himself' and I quickly decide to make it less awkward by hurling myself off his bed and towards his door, muttering apologies. Unfortunately, he stops me. I fight and flail my body around his but he quickly makes me quit by muttering one word.