Let Me Love You · Lawlorff

The First Chapter

"Sam, you have to come with us. It's Kian's 20th birthday!! You can't just,fucking skip it. You guys were best friends! Do you care about him at all?" JC yells angrily at me. The boys all want me to come with them to Kian's birthday suprise thing but I can't. I want to go but it's just that I have to work.

"Look, JC.. I really want to. I just can't tonight, okay?" I say, slightly cowered down into my seat. I know that I'm a screw up but I guess it just hurts worse when they remind me.

"Whatever. Just know we're not covering for you when he asks where you are. Fuck, even Trev's coming, Sam." He says and shakes his head. I jump up from the sofa at the O2L house and politely excuse myself to the three other boys and run upstairs to the restroom.

I grip the counter and feel a panic attack start to form. Oh no.

They fucking hate you.

Kian's going to be so upset.

You're the weakest link.

He'll have more fun without you anyway.

You're so pathetic.

Skipping the love of your life's birthday party for that.

You're so worthless.

A few knocks on the door bring me out of my thoughts and I hear Kian speak. "Sam? You okay? They guys told me you've been in there for about twenty minutes now.." Twenty minutes? What? I look up into the mirror and notice that I have tear streaks down my face and tiny sobs are coming out of my mouth. There's no way he'll believe I'm okay. I double check that the door is locked before allowing myself to answer.

"Yeah, I just uh. I'm fine, Kiki." I say but I know he won't believe me. My voice is so shaky.

"No, you're not." He replies strictly. I shake my head no but realize he won't hear that.

"I am. I'm fine, I promise." I try to sound convincing but I burst into hysterics right at the end.

"Open the door! Sam, open the fucking door!" He yells after trying the knob. It obviously doesn't work.

I continue sobbing and decide to sit against the far wall. I get down to my hands and knees to crawl to the other side of the room.

"SAM, I SWEAR TO GOD.. I WILL HOT HESITATE TO KICK DOWN THIS DOOR!" He shouts and I finally surrender. I give a quiet okay but I know he's heard it once a sigh leaves his mouth. I turn the lock and then the knob before I'm wrapped up in a set of arms. "Goddammit, Sam. Don't do that. You scared the shit out of me." He hugs me tightly before letting go to look at me.

"I'm so sorry, Kian. Im so sorry. Uh.. look, I gotta go." I look in his eyes once more before running down the stairs, yelling a goodbye to everyone, and leave, still ignoring Kian shouting my name.

Once on home, I quickly shed my clothes and get into my steaming hot shower. I scrub every part of me and I do all that needs done before allowing the burning water to run down my body.

Your body is so fucking filthy. How could anyone ever love you? You're trash.

I decide to stop the thoughts by exiting the shower and wrapping myself in an oversized and fluffy towel. I rush to my room and put on my work uniform. Fishnets and tiny spandex shorts that leave nothing to the imagination. The only detail on the black shorts is a white lining on the edges. On top, I wear a bow tie choker. I throw on some sweats and a hoodie over the outfit before returning to the restroom to quiff up my hair and add some blush to make my cheeks even rosier. My customers love it.

Finally I slip on my shoes, grab my phone and leave my house as John Carter. I walk the block and a half to the co-ed whore house slash strip club I've worked at for 8 weeks now.

"John! What took you so long? You're on in ten!" My boss, Greyson yells as I walk into the dressing room area.

"Lost track of time, 'm sorry, sir." I say lowering my head and looking at his dress shoes.

"Just get yourself together, alright? You're on after Cinna so get ready." He says kindly while fixing his suit.

I know it's common for people to hate their bosses but mine is actually quite nice. Although, the job itself makes me extremely insecure and uncomfortable. Not to mention that nearly all of the customers are douchebags and make me feel like shit. Thankfully, Greyson had it set up to where I only serve male customers which is perfect as serving women would be torture for me.

I quickly strip off my clothes and look in the mirror.

Disgusting. Inside and out. Letting any man touch you in any way they want. You're so repulsive, Sam. Kian would never want you if he knew what you do.

I sigh. I see that Cinna is strutting back though the dressing room door so I take a deep breath, slip on some stilettos and make my way to the stage.

Time to put on a show.

Kian's POV

"No way." I turn away from the entrance and back to four of my closest friends; JC, Ricky , Connor, and Trevor.

They said they had a birthday suprise for me but this is not what I was expecting. We're currently waiting in line for some sex club and I honestly feel so attacked right now. It's not that I don't want to be here but i'm just scared. And I feel guilty. Sam and I promised we would go to the strip club for the first time together. But of course he couldn't make it. He's never around anymore, he's always so busy and closed off. Like today when he was crying in the bathroom, what the fuck was that about?

Whatever, tonight's a night to have fun. A night to not think.

Were at the entrance and JC tells him that we're the Lawley party and he just let's us in. Music's blaring, lights are flashing, people are drinking, others stripping. I notice that there's both women and men dancing on the table which helps me some as I am in fact a closet homosexual.

"Kian, our set up is over here!" Connor yells even though he's only a couple of feet away. We all migrate over to our reserved corner booth and decide to sit and chat some before drinks and strippers.

20 minutes later I'm the only one left at the booth and I decide that I should go and at least get some drinks. I make my way over to the bar and order the days special before turning and scoping out the area. None of the strippers really catch my eye.

I turn back to my drink and start taking small sips of the fruity alcohol until I hear a familiar voice. One of the boys. The one boy who said he couldn't make it tonight. Sam! I immediately start looking around, ecstatic that he decided to show up.

The grin is smacked off my face when I find him. He's one of them. Sammers, my Sammers is one of them. I can't believe him. He's wearing tiny little shorts and a tie choker with stilettos and fishnets to amp up the look. He seems to be negotiating with some man about something..oh!

Oh hell no. This is not going on any longer. I don't care why he's doing out but I refuse to let my Sam be in this kind of situation for another second.

I sneak over to Sam in a way that he won't see me and hug him from behind.

"Uh sorry sir but you can't touch unless you p-" he starts, sounding ashamed, but he cuts himself off when he turns and sees it's me. His eyes widen and his jaw drops to the floor. Next thing I know he's sprinting away from me. I glance to the guy he was talking too. He's not good enough for Sam. I remember the direction he went and quickly run after him.

Sam's POV

Fuck.