Home Alone - Phan

3. Humming

*Phil’s POV*

I didn’t know what it was, but Dan’s emptiness made me feel empty too. I didn’t like it, and didn’t want him to notice, so I tried to make him stop crying.

He didn’t really cry, it were just a few uncontrolled tears rolling down his face. I looked at him, stared into his bloodshot eyes, and tried to see the old warmth behind all this iciness.

The silent tears didn’t stop, so I pulled a bit closer, and rested my hand on his shoulder, making little circles, and closed my eyes again, so I could search for a way to stop his tears, and to give my eyes a little rest after the long flight.

I felt his shoulder shock a little, and I opened my eyes again. He’d started to cry a little harder, and I pulled him closer. He let his head down on my chest, and, lying on my back, I started to rub his back again. It felt strange, lying down with him like this, but as it made him feel better, I could not not do it.

He had pulled his arms around me, and I started to hum him a little melody. It were just a few random notes I sung, but he stopped crying, and his breathing became regular again. The moment he fully sunk in to me to fall asleep, he let out a deep sigh.

I watched him sleep, his skin not the darker colour it was used to be, but as pale as my own, and his cheeks wet with tears. But he looked happy again, down there on my chest. I even could see a little smile lying on his lips, but I wasn’t sure if it was just my imagination. I still hope it wasn’t.

A few minutes after he’d fallen asleep, I realised I hadn’t stopped humming. His face looked so peacefully down there, and I definitely didn’t want to disturb his sleep, so I wasn’t sure about stopping it. But I was pretty sure he wouldn’t mind, so I stopped doing it.

That was a mistake. As soon as I stopped humming, he moved a bit, and I started the little melody again. I went on doing this, and really tried to stick to the melody I’d found, but I lost the rhythm, and it turned into the song from Titanic, My Heart Will Go On, a song we once sung together for a video.

Ah, why not try to mumble the lyrics with it? I thought, and I tried to come as far as possible. After the first few sentences I didn’t remember the proper lyrics, so I searched for some new ones as quick as possible.

‘You just need to listen, to Santa, beneath us. He brings milk and cookies, for all,’ I heard from my chest.

‘Dan, I thought you were asleep?’

‘Hmpf… Not when you stop humming, and then sing that song. You woke me up,’ I felt him yawn. ‘But never mind, just continue with that other melody, it was nice.’

‘The point is, I forgot how it goes...’ I said, and tried to put him up a bit off my chest, so I could sit up a bit more and lean against the back of my bed.

'Hmpf,' escaped his lips.

‘Don’t you want to try and sleep a bit more than just a few minutes?’ I asked him as he sat up next to me.

‘Nah, I think you need it more than I do, to be honest. You look pretty exhausted, and I swear you have a little jet lag.’ He leaned on my shoulder and said, ‘But if you don’t want to sleep, you can also tell me about your trip if you’d like to.’

I told him about the things I'd done, the people I'd met, the buildings I'd visited and the fun I'd had. I knew it would be hard for him to listen to this all, but he had requested it, so I sort of had to tell him.

’Now it’s your turn. I finally want to know why you felt so lonely without me this time, and how you survived.’ Now it was time for me to lean onto his shoulder whilst he told his story.

But he didn’t. He stared at the wall in front of him as if he was deaf, and didn’t move a muscle. Only the ones of his hand he made circles with on my shoulder. He never did that, and I still didn’t quite understand why he did it now.

‘Dan? What happened? Why do you look like you do now? I want you to describe me every single day I wasn’t here,’ I said as I needed a response.

He still didn’t move, so I got up from his shoulder, and turned his face towards mine, so he had to look at me. ‘Dan?’ I thought that I saw tears in his eyes again, but he didn’t start to cry.

‘Okay, I’ll… I’ll tell you. But you have to promise me you won’t laugh!’ he finally said. I smiled at him and shook my head. ‘Why would I do such?’