Home Alone - Phan

7. Outside

*Phil’s POV*

‘What was wrong with the streets? The only bad thing that can happen to you outside is getting robbed or getting an accident, and you don’t really look like you’ve been to the hospital,’ I said.

‘You didn’t get how troubled I was acting in our apartment, hm, Phil, did you? It was horror! I heard those voices everywhere in our house. And if I didn’t hear them at first, I heard them again after 15 minutes. I kinda had to be with people, people I didn’t actually know, so no one was going to talk to me.

‘When I was outside, I didn’t talk to anyone, and the longer I was outside, the faster I walked. After a while I noticed I was nearly running.

‘I ran into the shopping center, as that was the destination I hadn’t noticed before, and sat down on a bench in front of a juice market.

‘There was nothing to worry about, but I couldn’t help but glance around to make sure I didn’t miss it if the other me came in, or miss you if you walked by.’

‘Why should I come along? I mean, I was abroad?’

‘I know, but somehow I still expected you to come and tell me you were back, so I could apologize for our fighting, and tell you I wanted you back home, so we could have fun or discover things on the internet, and make a video again. I don’t know what had happened to me Phil, but I probably must have acted weird, as there was a young woman who came up to me and asked me if she could help me.

‘At the moment she helped me up, I had to throw up. She quickly led me to the nearest bin, and I threw up. There wasn’t actually something to throw up, only dinner from the day before, as I hadn’t eaten a thing that morning.’

‘Why didn’t you eat? You must’ve been starving, Dan,’ I said, worrying about my friend’s health.

‘Because I had no time to feel hungry, Phil. You still don’t get how troubled I was, do you? I don’t get it. I felt so unsafe at home I didn’t even think about food, and just had to go out. I was insecure I was still the person I used to be before you left, and I had no idea what to do.

‘Anyway, after the woman lead me to a bathroom in the shopping center and helped me to clean myself up. She asked if I was alright, and I lied I was. She left me after I promised her to go home again after I just quick had used the toilet. I didn’t go home.

‘I sat on the toilet for about half an hour, I’m pretty sure. I kinda must have fallen asleep, as I stood in a police office at once and saw myself talk to a police man. Something went terribly wrong in our conversation, so the other me flew at the police man. As I tried to run at them, I ran into the door of the toilet I’d sat on. I felt dizzy and had to sit down again, but I had to get out of that place, as I heard the yelling voices of the police man and me still up here,’ he pointed at his head.

‘Don’t ask me how I got there, as I was still dizzy and not able to think of what I was doing, but I found myself rocking back- and forwards in our living room. Maybe someone found me on my way home and brought me here, or I just managed to get home safe myself, but I have no idea, literally no idea.’

Now I got it. I got what he was talking about. I got how disturbed he must have been. I got how lonely, confused and scared he was.

In this pause he gave me to react to what he’d just told me, I couldn’t get a word out of my throat. I felt so sorry, so sorry I didn’t get it all before. I got what he meant, but I didn’t get how serious it all was. I looked at his eyes, still empty and cold.

‘I’m so sorry for not…’ I couldn’t find the right words for something like this. ‘Not knowing what was happening to you. I guess I just didn’t want to believe you at first, but now I do! I promise, I can’t just watch you telling me this, I have to help you!’

‘Philip, calm down. You can’t help me with what happened back then, as it is all past now. But I’m glad you understand it all now, and you totally need to understand what I’m talking about now, before you can understand what happened afterwards, as this isn’t even the worst part of it all.’