Home Alone - Phan

5. Nighmares

*Phil's POV*

‘I had a dream, that happened to be an awful nightmare, one of those that leave you feeling cold, lost, and making you want to have someone around to tell you nothing happened, that it all was just a dream, just a nightmare, something that never would happen to you in real life.

‘There were people in our house, but I couldn’t see them, only hear their voices in the other rooms. And when I entered a new room to look who was in there, there was nobody in, and I heard the voices wandering in the other rooms.

‘After a while I noticed it were our own voices, having conversations we’d had once, or made up conversations. After a while we started a discussion, and it ended up in me screaming and I heard you sobbing. I went to search for the room where the voices came from as I saw you running down the hallway, and run out of the apartment. I followed you and called after you, but you didn’t hear me. I got back to the room you came from, and saw myself sitting in a corner of the room, rocking back- and forwards.

‘Whilst I watched myself cry, and scream your name, the night passed by. Trying to help didn’t work, as I couldn’t touch the other me. The only thing I could do was trying to ignore your name, and the words of regret I sobbed into the air.

‘After a few hours had passed, my phone rang, and I had to take it, because the other me was too scared. It was a policeman. He told me you were dead.’

Dan had to take a little break and catch some breath, but as I wanted to comfort him by rubbing his hand, he kicked it away without paying too much attention, and started talking again.

‘I jumped up in my bed, shaking and drowning in my own sweat, realising I was awake again and you weren’t actually dead. But I needed something to make myself disappear in, I needed someone to hold me, something warm, something familiar, something to cuddle, just something to calm my racing heart.

‘First I tried to calm down myself, but it didn’t work. I heard our fight over and over again in my head, and it didn’t leave me to rest. I had to get up, so I wandered over to the kitchen whilst my body was shaking heavily, and got myself something to drink. I don’t remember what it was.

‘I sat down on the sofa in the living room, but couldn’t stop thinking about the voices starting to talk again. I turned on my laptop and started to listen to music, but I was too afraid of not hearing the voices in time to plug in my headphones.

‘Feeling like I couldn’t stay in one room, I went through the entire apartment to check for the voices, while I heard Muse playing in the living room. I went back to the living room, and tried Twitter and Tumblr. Those two only told me more about not being able to sleep, and having no one around who understands what you’re feeling.

‘So I went on YouTube, and watched a few videos. Unfortunately there were some of us two together, and at the end I found myself watching your videos.'

I smiled. It was nice to hear that he still watched my videos to comfort himself, like he used to do before I actually knew him. He’d told me he watched my videos in moments he felt sad. First this started in the comments below my videos, and I started to recognize him.

I didn’t forget Dan was talking to me, but he waved his hand in front of my face to get my lazy eyes back on his face. ‘Tumblr couldn’t fill up the gap your videos made, as there were too many GIF’s with a Phan hash tag. I hated myself for being scared of my ‘own creations’, and I ended up reading a Fanfiction about us two. It wasn’t even a good one and I couldn’t find myself back in it, but it made me want to have you back home even more.

‘The living room wasn’t familiar anymore, so I went to your room, to be a bit closer to you, and feel slightly better. A few minutes after I closed my laptop I fell asleep in your bed.'