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33. You're Abused Part 2

I've been in too much pain to even move a muscle. My ribs were completely crushed. My wrist was broken in half, due to my father bending it so far back when I tried to defend myself. My nose was broken, and my swells and cuts have made no improvements.

It's a miracle I'm even alive right now. I had died seven times while they tried to take tests, making me see the soothing white light just enough to feel at least a little relaxed. I just don't understand why I came back all those times. I don't understand why I just didn't die. I don't get it. I could be in Heaven right now, letting go of all the pain, all the hell, and all the struggles I've had to cross my entire life. That's how I want it to be. I don't want to be here now, I was certain I was going to die, which is why I used my last words to Harry.

I had planned to use my last words on something I truly ment. My entire life I wanted to last words I've ever spoken to be something I could never regret saying. I wanted my last words to reach out to somebody I had complete love for. I wanted my last words to be something that had so much value, and so much meaning, that it would stick to someone's heart forever.

I wanted to look down, and smile, and feel so happy that I had used my last words for something I truly was happy with.

"Y/n?" Someone whispered from the doorway.

I could never mistake Niall's voice. I knew it was him, so all I did was a simple nod to have him know that I was awake; listening.

"Thank God" he sighed, walking up to me and slowly wrapping his gentle arms around my neck.

I couldn't move, I could barely even speak, and I had never felt so guilty in my entire life. They desereved so much more than my silence. They did everything in their power to prevent this exact thing from happening. So to give them pure silence made my heart break.

"It's okay. You're doing okay" Niall whispered, giving a small kiss upon my forehead.

All the boys greeted me with gentle hugs, scared to lay a finger on me, and even though they were trying not to hurt me, their slightest touches put me in so much pain.

But Harry wasn't here. Harry wasn't with them. Harry was the only person I wanted to see. Whether he was going to be rude to me or not, I needed to at least feel him here. I missed knowing he was around me, even though he hated when I was.

"How are you feeling?" Zayn asked, slowly taking his seat next to my bed.

I swallowed hard, trying so hard to even part my lips correctly. My throat was completely soar, and it was extremely difficult to speak a word.

"Where's," I began, needing to swallow one more time before finishing, "Harry?"

All the boys widened their eyes. I guess they didn't expect me to want him here. Maybe they didn't want Harry here becuse they thought I wouldn't want him here. Maybe they thought that what he did was my chance to completely move on from him, so that he could go back to his life; to go back to what he truly wants.

"We kept him in the waiting room because we th—"

"Please" I whispered, still not moving any part of my body, "get me him".

Niall slightly nodded, giving me a small rub on my hand before making his way out of the room.

I could tell nobody knew what to say, because there was such a slight chance I could reply. But despite all the silence, I could tell they were happy that I was breathing. It was so comforting to have so many people here for me. It was a moment, despite all the pain, depsite all the problems, where I had felt so loved. They had done everything for me, and even me running out on them, they still held on to me, with no thought of ever letting go.

"Don't you dare hurt her" I heard Niall seeth as he shoved Harry through the door, slamming it shut beind him.

"We'll leave you guys be, alright?" Liam whispered to me, rubbing the top of my forehead soothingly before planting a soft kiss upon my forehead.

I nodded, looking straight into his eyes before he walked away from me, leaving only Harry and I here.

Harry looked so tired. He looked as if he hasn't slept in days. Everything about him was tired. His clothes, his face, his body. There was no way he had gotten any rest since he found me. There was no way he even shut his eyes, even for more than a second. He had to be nervous, because the way his jeans looked tugged, and the way his hair was a mess, I could tell he had tugged on his pants and ran his fingers through his hair over and over until he has gotten an answer.

He sat right where Zayn sat, scooching the chair more toward me as he slowly reached for my hand, holding it with so much softness I could barely feel it there. His eyes closed softly, letting loose tears to fall aimlessly down his cheeks. He breathed in heavily, trying to collect himself.

"I am so, so sorry that I caused this. I didn't—I didn't know. How could I not know? I can't believe I could ever even—I can't. I just wanted you out. Not out of hate, but out of so much confusion. I loved you more than I had loved anybody else. I cared more for you than for my own self, and that scared me so much there was no way I could care for someone like that. I was so scared. I was scared" he cried, burrying his face in my hand as he cried loudly.

With much energy, I slowly reached my hand to his hair. He grabbed it, keeping a part of me in his reach. I didn't need an explination, I didn't need anything to have him come back to me. I was willing to do anything, say anything, do every single thing if that's what it took.

But depsite everything he had done to me, he was always the boy I loved. He became such a huge part of me that I had no idea how much I had lost myself until he was gone. But with him, I had never felt so true. He had become my everything, and now, once all the pain subsides, after all the tears are dry, I could be his everything, too.