Now I See BOYxBOY

Walked away

It's 9:57pm and I'm laying on my bed listening to A Great Big World when I get a text from Jamaal

Jamaal says:

Hey there

You:

Oh hi. Hows you?

Jamaal says:

A bit betta. The nurse said it's nothing serious. it hurts like hell tho

You: 

oh, who's taking care of you now? lol

Jamaal says:

hah no one. my parents are having a barbecue with the neighbors outside and i got bored

You:

umm... do you think you can go out ?

Jamaal says:

why u asking, got something in mind?

You:

yeah, i got bored at home and wanted to go out for a walk. would u like to join?

Jamaal says:

ill look stupid with the bandage on my nose tho

You:

oh okay... some other time then :)

Jamaal says:

hah i didn't said i dont wanna join ya. be there in thirty mins, kay?

You:

hah, yeah, okay

I jumped out of my bed and went straight to my closet. I have to look good... but you know... casual cool good... like i just woke up like that this...*FLAWLESS*(sorry readers i had to do this)... Then I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth just in case. Then I came back to my room and it hit me. I'm doing it again. I am getting all excited and hopeful for shit that won't happen. I'll break again. I don't think I'll be able to handle that. I'm moving too fast. Wtf is wrong with me? Why do I keep doing this to myself?? I have to cancel. I pick up my phone and it starts ringing. It's Jamaal. He's outside. I can't just go and say my brain just reminded of my mental status right now and I can't go out. I better just go out for the walk and just let it go. Just let go of all expectations and shit... How the hell i'm gonna do that??

I go outside.

"Hi" i say with a smile. A REAL SMILE.

"Hi" 

We walked around. Sat on the bench in the park nearby. He was talking but I wasn't really listening. I was thinking about myself. What the hell am I gonna do with myself? If I keep getting excited and dreamy about everyone I meet I'll never get the chance to actually have a real relationship and will be that needy guy all the time. This is wrong. What should I do? What can I do? Someone please help me.

Jamaal obviously realized there's something wrong with me.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You look thoughtful... and like you don't want to be here. You were the one who wanted to walk, what happened?"

"There's nothing wrong, what are you talking about everything is fine!"

"I don't think so though."

By the time we were talking we were in front of my house.

"See ya tomorrow."

"Nah, I'm not going to school tomorrow."

"Wait, why?"

"I don't feel like it. And I feel like it will be better for you to go without me."

"Are you mad at me for my thoughtful behaviour. I'm sorry."

"Anyways, have good night."

"Wait, would you like to go out tomorrow?"

"I don't know we'll see."

"Okay, good night."

He walked away just like that. 

Am I stupid? 

What the fuck is wrong with me??

Even if I had a chance to be friends it's all gone. I hate being all thoughtful and not being able to stop. This really wasn't the perfect night.

***

The next morning I woke up with a strange feeling. I was feeling something worrying me but I couldn't actually figure out what it was. I just really didn't want to school. I woke up a little earlier because I set up my alarm clock to wake me up early because of Jamaal... Oh, Jamaal. Last night was a disaster and we probably won't walk to school today.. Oh, God what should I do?