Moving On - Luke Hemings

"I hope she stays long enough to remember that night the way I do."

Dylan and I had a great time. It felt nice to reconnect with an old friend, who was familiar. But unlike, Luke familiar, it was more like an innocent familiar. Before I had my guard up.

Today was the day of the 5sos concert and I knew it was going to be a dreadful day. But Lauren was right, I needed to go to support my 3 friends. It was only right. 

When I woke up in the morning, I had a pit in my stomach. I turned my phone on and went to tumblr. When I clicked on the app all these posts of the boys arriving in my city popped up. Why does this keep happening? I don't follow 5sos accounts!

I tried to scroll past them quickly, smiling slightly when I saw one of Ashton with his arms around young girl. He had the biggest smile on his face and I'm not gonna lie, the picture was absolutely adorable. 

But the next picture was something I didn't expect. It was a picture with Luke standing off to the side, on his phone, not interacting with the fans. I went to a 5sos update account just to see what was going on with him (yes, I still care about him, and I was curious) and it said that he didn't speak or even look at one fan since arriving. One fan said that Michael told her that he was having a really rough day and to give him a break. He apologized on behalf of Luke's behavior saying "He's in a tough place, and didn't want to totally ruin your guys' day because he was in a bad mood. He decided it would be better if he kept to himself and didn't say hi. He's really sorry and will hopefully be back to his usual self soon."

That is so odd. I desperately wanted to text him and ask him what was going on but I knew I couldn't. I held out for so long and I was most likely going to get to see him tonight after the show. I decided to check his twitter to see if it said anything.

Luke's twitter basically said the same thing Michael had explained but Luke promised he would be in better spirits for tonights show. He had just had a rough morning. 

I decided to wear one of Luke's old tank tops to the show that I still had because it seemed like the only place I wouldn't get judged for wearing it. It was a black tank top with the word Hemmings and the number 96 printed on the back. I put on a white bandeau underneath, since the arm holes were practically showing everything. Then I paired that with a plain black circle skirt and killer pair of black pumps. I felt confident for the first time in a long time. 

When I arrived at the venue lots of girls came up to me asking if I knew what was going on with Luke. I proceeded to tell them that I knew as much as they did. Lauren met up with Calum for a little before the show, but I told her I was gonna wait with the crowd because I didn't really feel up to seeing Luke. I told her to tell the boys good luck and for her to give them each a hug for me. Even Luke. 

Lauren met back up with me in our seats right before the boys went on. She told me that Luke seemed to be acting much better, but when they came on stage I could tell that he was still a little off. If you didn't know him well, you wouldn't have been able to tell. But the way that I could tell what that every time they were singing he was fiddling with his guitar strap. He always used to do that when they played shows when they were younger, because he was nervous, but grew out of it fairly quickly. I hadn't seen him pick up the habit since, that was until tonight. 

He refused to look at me. 

I don't know if I felt angry, hurt, or upset.

Maybe all 3 at once.

I was getting so upset that I started to leave. I told Lauren that I felt sick to my stomach (which was true) and that I needed to go home. 

As I was walking out, the boys were introducing the next song. Luke stepped in front, meaning it was just his turn to introduce the next song. 

The words he said I will remember forever: "Lately, I've been struggling. This morning especially. All because of this girl that I met 4 years ago. She turned my life upside down. Became my everything. I didn't think it was possible to love her as much as I did. Maybe that's why it didn't work out for us. We had too much passion. I was too blinded by how in love with her I was, I didn't realize the stupid mistakes I was making. I was upset this morning because this is her hometown. I knew she would come tonight, because she would want to support the rest of the boys in the band, because she's still friends with them. She screws with my head. Its like everytime she's near, my judgement is clouded. I have this memory, stuck in my head all the time, that's of her. It was a summer night that we were driving home from a friends house in the dark. All the windows were rolled down and the radio was blasting, her favorite song at the time. I remember looking over at her, with her hair being blown behind her by the wind, singing every word to that song. She was slightly smiling, and her eyes were sparking. She was truly happy. That night we drove around her neighborhood until 4 am. Singing songs. Kissing. Looking at the stars through the sun roof. When I got home that night, I didn't sleep. I wrote a song for her. It's one of many, actually. This one in particular, though, is called Long Way Home. And I'm begging this girl to please stay long enough to listen to me sing this to her. To remember that night the way I do. Please."

I stayed, for the first time since I found out about The Accident, I stayed with him. And god dammit, it never felt so good to finally stay. 

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HI! so I'm really proud of this chapter and I really like the direction it went in! I hope that you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! I apologize for any mistakes, its 12:39 am and I'm too tired and lazy to proofread right now. I'll do it tomorrow or something. But please tell me what you think in the comments! It means so much to me to hear what you guys think. 

xoxo,

everyoneloves5sos