Moving On - Luke Hemings

We cared too much.

That night, Lauren and I drove home in comfortable silence. I was content for the first time in forever. I didn't have to fake happiness anymore, because I was actually happy.

As we were driving home, the radio was playing in a soft hum. Amnesia by 5sos came on and I couldn't help but wonder if Luke wrote that with me in mind. It always seemed like he was aiming that song towards me, but I know they didn't write it, so I wasn't sure. I decided I would text him and ask, since I guess I wasn't avoiding him now.

To: Luke

hey, I just had a weird and random thought. did you choose to sing the song Amnesia because of what happened to us? just curious

From: Luke:

sort of. the Madden Brothers wrote it and they gave us about 7 songs that we could choose from. Amnesia really stuck out to me because it was exactly how I felt at the time about you. The other boys decided they liked it too and we chose that one.

I was about to type a response to him, but I didn't know what to say. Even though we're on better terms right now, it's not like it used to be. I'm not always sure what to say to him.

When I get home, I collapse into bed and fall asleep. When I woke up the next morning, I decided to watch some YouTube. When I logged on, there was a recommended video that caught my eye. The Title was Luke Hemmings Dishes About his Former Girlfriend. It was sort of obvious that they were talking about me and I wanted to see what he had to say.

The video starts off with the interviewer asking Calum and Luke, the only two in this interview, about the tour and their new album coming out in October. I get a little distracted but my ears perk up when I hear this:

(a/n keep in mind this video filmed after they had seen each other at the show, but before the second show.)

Interviewer: So, Luke, I've been hearing a lot of talk lately about your ex girlfriend, Alyssa? What's up with that?

Luke: First of all, she prefers Ali. Second of all, yeah she's kind of come back into my life recently. It's a little weird cause we're still really not on speaking terms, but its really nice to see a familiar face in a crowd of unfamiliar ones.

Interviewer: She's in your life but you're not on speaking terms? How does that work?

Luke: Well, she's friends with the rest of the band but still keeps her distance from me. She's there, but at the same time she isn't.

Interviewer: Would you ever consider getting back together with her?

Luke: It's not really my decision anymore. I hurt her and if she wants to open up to me again, she has to fully make the choice. I can't force her to do anything.

I paused the video. For the longest time, I refrained from watching their interviews. I know interviewers asked about me. I always assumed he brushed it off and ignored that he did anything wrong. But he owned up to it. And not only that, he said nice things about me.

I decided to call Luke and thank him, but if I'm honest I think I just wanted to hear his voice again. I dialed his number, heard it ringing, until it went to his voicemail.

His voicemail was years old. From high school. It said this:
"Hey it's Luke, I'm probably busy with my sucky band, you can leave a message but I probably won't get back to you. Sorry bout that. Bye!"

The phone fell from my hand. I started crying. That voicemail was taken the day after one of our big fights. It doesn't sound like he's trying to be rude, but he was totally shading me. The whole voicemail was to make me mad when I called him to apologize. The whole "busy with his sucky band thing" was in response to me telling him he never had time for me 'cause he spent all of his time with his sucky band. I obviously didn't mean it, I was just upset that he could never seem to make time for me. The last part "you can leave a message, but I probably won't get back to you" is his way of sassing me because I told him he never answers the phone for me, even when I leave a message. 

I thought he would have changed that years ago. I didn't even realize he still had it when we made up. Whenever he didn't answer his phone, I hung up after the "Hey it's Luke" because he didn't like when I left him messages. If he didn't change it by then, I assumed he changed it after we broke up.

That message brought back so many unwanted memories. It reminded me that our relationship wasn't always sunshine. Maybe I don't like him as much as I've been thinking I do. 

We fought pretty often now that I think about it. I think we cared too much. Since we cared so much we would get in fights. Most of them were pretty bad. I would run home crying but in the end he would come and hug me close to him. Sometimes I think that's why I still hold out from seeing him. I want to prove to him that when he did come back after the accident (he called and texted and begged me to love him again) I wouldn't welcome him with open arms. Cause life isn't always getting what you want.

You have to fight for it.

And I will make him fight for me.

.......................

OH MY GOD I AM THE WORST PERSON ON PLANET EARTH. I AM SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN MONTHS. I THOUGHT I COULDN'T THINK OF WHERE TO GO WITH THE STORY BUT WHEN I FINALLY WENT TO TRY TO WRITE SOMETHING I FOUND A REALLY GOOD DRAFT THAT I STARTED THAT I FORGOT ABOUT SO I CONTINUED IT. IM SO STUPID AND IM SOOOOO SORRY. 

Anyways, I hope you guys liked the chapter. I'm not sure if i like the way it ended but were gonna work with it. Please please please tell me what you think in the comments because it is my favorite thing in the word to hear what you guys have to say, even if it is criticism. I love you all and I thank you endlessly for being so patient with me. 

More to come soon xoxoxoxo