Moving on

Poems and tears

"Can we talk to you? Please." Lena said as Brandon walked down the stairs.
"Yeah, sure." He replied back.
He walked into the kitchen and took a seat across from his moms.
"Did something happened?" She asked.
He looked at them.
"What do you mean?"
"We mean why are you starting fights, failing classes." Stef said strongly. "You look like you haven't slept in weeks."
"I just haven't felt myself lately." He responded as he laced his fingers together.
"Why?" Lena asked worriedly. "Did something happen at school?....or here?"
"It's nothing." He said with a smile. "I'm fine."
They looked down on him intently.
"Really, I'm fine." He laughed.
"Ok then." Lena said as she clasped her hands together.
"Can I go?" He said slowly.
"Yeah." Stef said as Brandon stood up.
"But if you want to talk to us, or you feel strange you can always come to us you know that."
"Yes. I promise." He said with a small smile.
Brandon walked back upstairs completely forgetting why he even came down in the first place.
Walking back into his bedroom he set himself down at his desk and pulled out his note pad.
He didn't know how to start the poem. He had written multiple songs in his life easily and yet writing a paragraph of words about him seemed impossible.
He flicked his pen quickly against his desk trying to think of words and rhymes.
When we were outlaws, things were changed.
He read it over in his mind then scribbled over it and threw his pen down.
Leaning back on his chair he looked at the ceiling he found himself thinking about Callie. He always thought about her. He thought about the way she smiled and the way her hair fell down her shoulders.
It suddenly became easier to write.
Scribbling down word after word, quickly and fluently like the wheels of a car going round.
He read over at the words and re wrote some.
He was so invested in writing that he forgot about time and without even knowing it it was dinner time.
They all say around the table with plates and hot food beneath them.
"So how come you're in Mr Hick's class now?" Callie asked as she spooned mash potato into her mouth.
"I," Brandon swallowed food. "The other class wasn't for me."
Callie nodded understandingly.
"So have you written your poem yet?" She asked spooning another mouthful of potato into her mouth.
"No, not yet." He lied. "What about you?"
"I've started it but yeah." She replied.
He looked away and over at his mothers.
Callie looked at him even when he wasn't looking at her.
She knew he wasn't himself. The way he didn't act like himself.
It hurt her looking at him. She had given him up so she could have a family. She was ridden in guilt. She knew that it hurt him and him being hurt ached her insides.

"have we all finished our assessment?" Mr Hicks asked as everyone in his class sat down in their seats.
Some people in the class groaned yes.
Once the kids had sat down he got up from his desk and stood in front of the class.
"Ok, raise your hand if you've actually finished your poem?" He asked with a smile.
Most of the class raised their hands, those who didn't were given the death stare.
"You have till tomorrow to hand it up or you will fail."
The kids who didn't rolled their eyes as a few others snickered a little.
"So will anyone be brave enough to read theirs out?" He asked.
No one rose their hand.
Brandon fell against his hand which was resting on the table tiredly.
"Brandon." Mr Hicks said proudly. Brandon looked up at him.
"You're a writer, let's hear what you got?"
"Uh, how am I a writer?" He asked with a quiet laugh.
"You know what I mean." He corrected. "Come on. Show us what you got."
Brandon swallowed nervously.
Standing up he pulled out his notebook and gripped it in his sweaty hands.
As he stood in front of the class with his heart pounding.
He scanned the room. A few kids weren't looking at all and others didn't seem a tiny bit interested.
But the. There was Callie.
She stared at him. Which just made him more nervous.
"When-" he began nervously but Mr Hicks interrupted.
"Oh, sorry. Firstly what's the name of your poem?" He asked.
"Um. It's called...'when we were outlaws.'"
Callie's eyes widened and she sat up straighter.
He couldn't stand looking at her he couldn't.
He looked down at his notebook in his hands.
"When we were outlaws." He began calmly, staring down at his book.
"Crazy and infinitely in love.. Your smile, your eyes, the way you ran to hugs." Brandon lips curled into a tiny grin.
"But for you and me, to simply be... Was to give up your happiness and for you to finally be free." He swallowed. "And now I don't know what's worst, how I see you and not being able to love you like I did first." Callie gazed at him trying to hold back the oncoming tears appearing in her eyes.
"I cry and I weep, as you fall asleep. You laugh and you smile and I leave the world for a while." Brandon's eyes filled with tears.
"But for you to be happy and be able to be free...it gives me hope that I too can be free." He stopped and blinked.
The room was dead silent. Not a sound. Shifting his eyes above his notebook, he saw the class. He saw Callie. She looked at him like she did when he told her he was still in love with her at the winter ball. The way she got mad at how much she loved him and how much it could never be.
He looked back at his book and then suddenly walked out of the room throwing his notebook in the bin on the way out.
Callie didn't even watch him leave this time. She just sat there staring at the place he once stood, rubbing her knuckles.
"Can I go?" She asked pointing to the door with her thumb.
"yeah." Mr Hicks nodded sadly.
Everyone was in a little shock from what had just occurred in Mr Hicks English room. How the Golden boy with good grades and a bright future was now this aggressive, messy young man who almost cried during a poem he wrote. It was all quoted fascinating.
Callie jogged down the empty hallway until she was outside.
Looking around with her heart in her throat she found him walking down the beach a hundred meters away.
She jogged closer and closer to him until she was around a few metres behind him.
"Brandon!" She yelled after him.
He stopped and turned to her.
His face desperately trying to hold back tears.
"Brandon. Talk to me, please." She begged as a tear drop ran down her cheek. "What is wrong with you?"
He looked away and then back at her.
"You." He said back angrily. "You are what's wrong with me. Ok" His face dropped into complete sadness.
Callie swallowed her tears.
"I keep telling myself that I don't miss you and that I'm happy for you and that I don't love you anymore. But I do." He cried.
More tears rushed down Callie's face as the ocean breeze ran through her hair.
"And I thought that once you were adopted that I would just stop, that what I feel would stop. But it hasn't. I can't stop thinking about you and how everything turned out."
Callie wiped tears from her eyes and stepped in closer to him.
"But I love you. And I will always love you."
"I love you too." She said back quietly. Enough for Brandon to stop and look at her.
"And i thought yes that I was going to have a happy family and a fairy tale ending, but I didn't. I got everything I wanted...expect for you, Brandon."
He stepped in closer until they were just a metre apart and staring into each others eyes.
"We can still make it work." He said intensely. "We just have to try."
Callie looked down as another set of tears poured down her face.
"Hey." Brandon said softly as he lifted up her so he could look at her.
"It's gonna be ok." He said as he placed his other hand on the other side of her face and wiped the tears pooling under them.
She grabbed his forearms and let her harms hang from them for a while.
"It's gonna be ok." He smiled.
He leant forward and plastered a kiss on her forehead as she wrapped her arms around his body as he did the same around her neck.
Their warms bodies pressed together against one another and her head against his chest.
"We should go before someone sees." He whispered in her ear sending tingles through her body.
She smiled. "I don't want to leave."
He laughed quietly. "Me too."
"Let's just go." She said.
"Where to?" He said looking down at her face.
"Never land" she laughed.
He smiled and flicked his head.
"Come on." He said then laced his fingers in hers.