The Green Soul

Chapter 10

Rose woke up about half three, cuddled into the Doctor's arms.  It would seem as though he'd fallen into a light sleep, and probably wouldn't stay that way for long, knowing him.  She bit her lip as she looked at him, watching his face, calm and still, so unlike his usual eccentric expressions. 

She could've almost lived with it, him obviously not wanting to stay with her, because he'd told her.  "Not tonight, Rose".  And that had been simple enough.  Then, with the right amount of pity, he'd crawled under the covers with her.  But it wasn't something that he would've done willingly, obviously.

That being said, she could've lived with it, had he not shifted to pull her closer subconsciously, his face buried in her hair.  He sighed deeply against her and she repressed a shiver, remembering that he was asleep. 

She slowly extracted herself from his grasp, incredibly careful not to wake him and ignoring his grunt of protest.  She wrapped her arms around herself at the sudden chill she got as she stood up, bereft of his warm touch.  Biting her lip, she forced down even more tears and walked to the couch that the Doctor had been planning on sleeping on.

It would be a better fit for her anyway, with as short as it was, and he obviously needed to sleep, given the fact that he actually was.  She had completely convinced herself of it by the time she got to the couch and looked over at him, now sprawled out over the side of the bed she had been on, as if seeking out the warmth that had just left him, as her body was crying out for her to do.

She denied it, wishing flannel pajamas had been invented in that year, and settled onto the couch, pulling the blanket up to her chin and turning her back to the Doctor and the bed, facing the cushion of the couch.  She had to sleep with her legs slightly bent, but she supposed it was better than the Doctor to wake up in a position he didn't want to be in.  She thought he'd probably thank her in the morning.

He didn't.

He woke up alone, which he hadn't been expecting, so when he reached for Rose and found only cold sheets, he shot up into a sitting position, fearing the entity had possessed her again and had taken her somewhere. 

Upon gazing around the room, he soon found that wasn't the case, and his hearts sank to his stomach at the sight of her curled up alone on the couch.  Alone.  And, with the way the blankets were tucked around her, she had clearly put herself there, and had done so intentionally. 

"Rose?" He called softly across the room, clearing his throat when his emotion showed a little too clearly in his voice. 

She stirred but didn't wake, instead, curling into a tighter little ball on the cushions.  Is that what he did to her?  Made her want to hide?  Well, if it did, he reminded himself, it was all his fault.  He'd wanted to be with her last night, to hold her until the sunrise, but his cowardly ways had gotten the best of him, and now he had hurt her.

It wasn't as though he could simply tell her that, either.  He'd have to tell her everything he thought of her, how he felt, what he wanted, and he couldn't do any of those things.  It was safer, by far, for Rose to think he had never wanted her to begin with. 

Which, of course, was a lie.  He wanted to be everything he could to her, but here he was, a coward, every time.  She needed to think of him as nothing, and then maybe he could keep detached from her.  Even as he thought the words, he knew it was impossible.  She was etched on this incarnation of him, born from her love... Or so he had liked to think.  He wasn't sure anymore. 

"Rose?" He called again.  This time she stirred, rolling over halfway, her hips still towards the couch and her shoulders diagonal with them.  She rubbed her eye with her outside arm and watched him for a moment.  "Hm?"

"What are you-" he cleared his throat and tried again.  "What are you doing over there?"

"Oh," Rose glanced down at herself as though she'd forgotten.  "S'not important."

He furrowed his brows at her and stood, walking to stand over her.  "Yes it is.  Why are you over here?"

She worried her bottom lip and shrugged.  "Not important.  Can you help me into one of those corsets?"

As she stood, he reached to grab her arm, almost futile, since her back was still to him.  "Rose, are we okay?"

She turned to face him and he let go of her arm, letting her stand before him.  She searched his eyes for a few moments and it hurt him to see the red rimming hers, reminding him of all the tears she had shed the night before. 

"Yes," she said tightly, as though she was trying to convince herself as well as him.  His only response was to pull her into his arms, wrapping around her shoulders and back instead of both around her waist so he could hold more of her. 

She went willingly, wrapping her arms around his waist, her cheek against his chest.  He squeezed her against him, not wanting to let her go, trying to tell her all the things he couldn't say without speaking.  Somewhere deep down, he knew it would never work.

Rose gave him a final squeeze and pulled back.  "I'm just feeling kind of weak, is all," she shrugged.  "Help me get dressed?" She requested quietly.

The Doctor nodded, and it was a long process.  She pulled a gold silk dress out of her bigger-on-the-inside suitcase, with a corset and all the necessary stockings and petticoats.  The Doctor winced as he pulled her into the corset, hating to cover her up in this way.  He didn't like the feeling of reshaping her.  It was almost too much. 

She fixed up her hair at the vanity and he tried not to stare, looking at the long, scooped sleeves of the dress and the squared neckline.  He brought a parallel from her to Reinette, but it wasn't the sort of parallel she was expecting.  He admired Reinette, that was true, but Rose was so alive, like she could breathe life into everything she touched just because she had so much left over. 

She didn't see him looking, only jumped a little when Matthew knocked on the door and told them morning meal would be served shortly if they wanted to attend. 

As she smiled at him and linked her arm through his, he only registered one thought.

After what he had done last night, they were decidedly not okay.