How to Save a Life

Chapter 4

My next few classes that day were much less eventful and at work I caught myself thinking of Mom and what she would think of all this. I know she would want me to be happy and it kills me that I can't be that for her. But I'm trying now. And I guess that is what really matters.
When I got back to my apartment I went straight to my room and picked up the torn picture of me and my mother from its usual spot on my nightstand. A long time ago, I had torn the picture perfectly so that the monster that stood on the other side of Mom was no longer there. If only I could cut him out of my life and memory just as easily.
I still remember coming home only weeks after Mom died and seeing an empty house. All of his stuff was gone. Even Mom's things were gone.  I remember it so clearly, going in the backyard and seeing a pile of herself, burnt and destroyed.
I know everyone grieves in there own way but how could he do that? It's one thing to leave me alone, but to not even leave anything for me to remember her by? That was just cruel. All he left was a letter saying that he had to leave, the house and I reminded him of my mother too much and that he'll send money every month. At Least that part was true, because the rest was crap. I found out a few months later that the real reason he left is because he found some one else, a Californian blonde with children of her own.
The money felt dirty to take but there was no way I wasn't going to college. That was one thing that Mom wanted for me and I wasn't going to disappoint her. So all I had left of Mom was this torn picture and it was just enough to serve as a reminder.
A reminder of Mom but also a reminder that you can't trust anyone. Not even your own father.
Part of me felt bad about the way I treated Aaron, especially because what he said was true, I did want to be saved. Not because I'm weak and I need him but because I made a stupid mistake and he made it possible for me to erase it. But even considering all of that, I promised myself a long time ago that I wouldn't let anyone get close to me if it will only end in betrayal.
Sharing my life story or even just the story of that night with Aaron felt far too intimate. And I wasn't ready to get close to anyone just yet.
Throughout the week I went to all of my classes except sociology. I didn't want to face Aaron. And since it's just syllabus week, I wasn't missing much. Although I knew I had to face the music at some point, I was planning on postponing it as long as possible. I'm awful in awkward situations and I'm not about to go down that road right now.