Revolutionary Hearts

Revolutionary Hearts: Part Nine

June 12, 1780 

Unable to face my family, I write these things from a small, stuffy spare bedroom in Elizabeth's house. My heart feels as heavy as the dark, oppressive wood this place is built from. The turmoil within me is too confusing to make sense of, so I shall simply start writing from the moment my eyes opened this morning...

I woke to the pale green sunlight streaming through the trees. I was curled against Daniel’s bare chest, the rise and fall of his breath shaking me further into awareness…

I jerked to a sitting position, pulling my dress up to cover myself. “Daniel, wake up!” I shouted.

He stirred half-heartedly, mumbled something I didn’t understand before rolling over.

I was on my feet, pulling my clothes into place and looking around in a panic. “Daniel, we fell asleep! WAKE UP!”

His eyes opened, slowly blinked past the coming day. He yawned, smiling lazily up at me. "Why the hurry?"

"We fell asleep!" I repeated, not sure why he wasn't jumping up to - in the very least - put pants on. 

He pushed himself into a sitting position. "I know you're new at this," he said, "but sleep is typically what follows... Well..." His grin widened. 

"But my parents will know I'm gone by now!" I cried, throwing his trousers at him. "I have to get home, Daniel!"

His smile vanished. "Home? You - You're going back?"

I stopped tugging at my skirt. "Of course," I said, confused by the question. 

The sudden vulnerability in his eyes, the pain in his voice... I wasn't sure how to react to them as he said, "I can't go back with you, Tara..." 

"Yes, but - "

"No. No 'buts.' I can't go there. Either we leave together, or I leave here alone. I thought you realized that."

"No, I know that - "

"You know? And you still want to go back?" He stood, stepping into my father's ill-fitting pants and fumbling angrily with the buttons. "So what? You get what you want from me, then send me on my way? Is that it, Janelle?"

Knowing what she'd done to him, the insult stung. "No, of course not!" I tried to take his hand, but he pulled away from me. "I hadn't really thought past last night at all, Daniel... But I can't just leave my family - "

"You can!" he shouted. "You're eighteen, Tara! Most women your age are married with kids by now. You just have to be willing to walk away."

"You can't ask me to do that," I whispered.

"But you can ask me to leave without you?" he asked, his broken voice now barely audible.

I just looked at him, unsure what to say.

He sighed, a low, frustrated sound. "As promised, I won't force you to bend your will to mine. I'm sorry, Tara. But when I asked you to come here... When you did come... I just assumed you understood..."

"Understood that you were asking me to leave everything behind?"

"That I was asking you to be with me."

"And I will," I said gently, "but not this way. Not without my family's blessing."

He turned away from me, his gray eyes rock hard as they focused on the distant horizon. "So what, then? Where does this leave us?" 

"You could write me?" I breathed. "And when the time is right, you can return?" 

"Yes, because your father would love that," he said bitterly.