Origami Girl

Chapter 23: Sorrow and the Autumn Sun

Origami Girl

Chapter 23: Sorrow and the Autumn Sun

"The world know it not; but you, Autumn, I confess it: your wind at night-fall stabs deep into my heart"

-Murasaki Shikibu, The Tale of Genji

"So," the boy said, folding his arms and leaning back into his seat. "Is it autumn, or is it winter?"

"Who knows," came the reply. "The weather's been so wild recently. Have you heard about the snowstorm down in Nagasaki?"

"Oh, heard it was pretty terrible," the boy replied. "But thankfully no one died. Nagasaki never gets snowstorms."

I looked outside the window. The winter sun, or should I say, autumn, sun was bright in the sky, its rays bright, but somewhat distant. The trees were not bare, but lush with the lustre of crimson and brown leaves. Of course, it was somewhat strange, but after a while, you'd get used to it. That's what Yukino-kun said anyway. He was always disinterested in these kinds of things. Well, recently he hasn't really been showing interest in anything.

"The leaves never seem to fall this year, don't they?" I said, picking up my chopsticks.

"Yeah, it's like they really want to die, but they just can't," Kashiwagi-kun said. "I know that feeling pretty well, actually. . ."

I looked up from my bento box. I had been too preoccupied with my own thoughts to really pay attention but I managed to pick up a bit of everything to know what the both of them was talking about.

"You're not talking about. . ." Sayaka-chan said, her tone getting slightly softer.

I took a look at Kashiwagi-kun in front of me. I had expected him to be quite down or sullen since he must have been thinking of Tanokura-san, but to my surprise, he just looked perfectly all right.

"Yeah, I am," he said. "She did want to die, to put it bluntly."

"Are you okay to talk about it? I mean, it must be hard," I said, half-heartedly paying attention.

"Well," Kashiwagi-kun said. "I can't be sad forever now can I?"

"That's the right attitude," Sayaka-chan added.

"Yeah. . ." I muttered awkwardly.

I couldn't help back then but to compare Yukino-kun to Kashiwagi-kun. Sure, both had their own sets of problems but the biggest difference was how they dealt with it, I guess. Kashiwagi-kun sure hadn't had the most perfect childhood either, but comparing him to my boyfriend, it was rather apparent who was in a better position. I had never asked Kashiwagi-kun how he managed to get through it though, since I was too afraid to accidentally offend him. Kashiwagi-kun sure struggled really hard to get by, and he made it, in the end. I could only wish Yukino-kun was something like him. In all honesty, I was starting to lose faith in my boyfriend. I know it was rather selfish of me to think of it that way, but truth be told, it was rather exhausting dealing with him. I wish he was more normal. I wish he could just be another average student. But alas, he wasn't, and I had to put up with that fact, and so did he.

His grandfather passed away the very morning I left for Hakodate. He had sent me to the station, and after I reached home, I received a short e-mail from him informing me that his grandfather was no longer there, and he would be missing a few days of school to deal with the funeral arrangements. I tried to call him afterwards to try to give him a comforting word or two, but he never answered.

The next time he came back to school, he seemed very different. At first, I had thought he was just recovering from the loss of his beloved grandfather, but I supposed I was wrong. I tried to give him a little space, but the more I did that, the more distant he seemed to drift away from me. Yet I still held my ground. I shouldn't interfere, I told myself. It was none of my business. Yukino-kun can stand by his own. After all, Yukino-kun wouldn't like it if I had stepped up and tried to help him. So in the end, I just treated him like I usually would, and I would talk to him every now or then. Yet every single time, it felt like he wasn't there.