Origami Girl

Chapter 14: Disfigured Cherry Blossoms II

Origami Girl

Chapter 14: Disfigured Cherry Blossoms II

"Cherry blossoms, cherry blossoms,
Across the spring sky,
As far as you can see.
Is it a mist, or clouds?
Fragrant in the air.
Come now, come now,
Let's look, at last!"

-Sakura Sakura, Edo era folk song

Kashiwagi Jarrett

"If I were to die, I'd like to be reborn as a cherry blossom," she said softly, her soft lips parting into a sweet smile. "That way, I won't have to suffer any more."

It was the first time I'd seen that smile of hers in a long time.

"To live, experiencing nothing but beauty, that's such a wondrous life isn't it?" she continued, looking in the direction of the blossoms across the moat, their pink petals floating around gracefully in the air with every gust of wind. "No hurt, no suffering. Just beauty and death."

I looked at her as she stared in the distance, lost in those convoluted thoughts of hers. Nana-chan was like this at times, muttering words I couldn't particularly understand, but she didn't seem to care a single bit whether I got them or not. It made me wonder sometimes what goes on in that pretty little head of hers.

"I'd rather be reborn as a fat, lazy cat," I told her, laughing. "Then that way, I'd be fed and tickled and scratched all the time, and I could spend my afternoons lazing about."

Nana-chan giggled, her palm covering her lips gracefully, her shoulders inching up slightly.

"You're so silly," she said to me, smiling. "If I was reborn a cat, there's a chance I might get abused won't I? What if I was reborn as a cat in a time of famine? I'm sure a starving family would come up to me and try to eat me."

"Well then, what's so good about being reborn as a cherry blossom?" I asked her, feeling slightly challenged that she brushed off my joke away so trivially.

Every single time I tried to cheer her up or say something positive, she always found a way to twist it into something seemingly bad. Even harmless jokes like those she distorted.

"At least if I were a cherry blossom, I won't have to experience any pain. I won't have to experience any bad things," she said, "My life would be short and fragile, yes, but at the very least it would be a life of pure beauty."

I could only nod my head, smiling. I somehow was never able to align myself with the strange way of thinking she had. Not having anything else to say in reply, I kept quiet, joining her in admiring the cherry blossom trees across the moat. The spring sky was a light cyan, the afternoon sun far to the west. The water in the moat glimmered faintly in the sunlight. In this silence we sat for a while in the fresh spring grass, the fragrance of flowers drifting through the air.

"If you destroy yourself before you let others destroy you, that means you've won haven't you?" Nanako said all of a sudden, hugging her bag close to her chest as she sat there beside me.

"Now, now," I replied, "Don't go around saying such things alright?"

Nanako merely shook her head.

"I'm sorry," she replied, fidgeting with the blades of grass beside her. "It's just that- just that- I-"

Se heaved a heavy sigh and gave up completing her sentence.

"I was just thinking, if this world was full of people out there who seek to destroy you, then might as well destroy yourself first. An act of defiance, an act of victory," she muttered, looking at me.