Colour Blind

chapter ten

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I wish I could stay in that moment with Violet forever.

But unfortunately, I can only replay it inside my head now, because time has moved on. It's been a week since that day, and everyday after school, I sit in the art room and watch Violet paint, or draw, or just stare at the canvas as she thinks of what to do next.

"Y'know Alec, you literally see life in fifty shades of grey," Violet says as we walk along the street on a Sunday morning, a cheeky smile on her lips, "I think you should really check that book out."

"Yeah, me too, it sounds like the best book ever," I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes, "and the title really relates to me as a person."

"Yeah I can tell," she laughs, "should I start calling you Mr Grey?"

"If you call me that I swear to god our friendship will be over," I say, narrowing my eyes playfully at her, "and I'm not even remotely joking."

She laughs again. "Whatever you say," she says, before adding, "Mr 'colour which black and white make when they're mixed together'."

"Haha you're so funny," I say, rolling my eyes at her, "I'm in stitches from your hilarious, witty statement."

"Don't diss my humour, you're only jealous," Violet says, grinning at me and laughing, tossing her hair over her shoulder, "you wish you had my fabulous, witty sense of humour."

"Totally. That's all I ever wanted in life," I reply, rolling my eyes but I can't help smiling at the beautiful, mysterious wonder that is Violet Black.

I follow Violet into a café - the same one I always see her in so it must be her favourite. We sit at a table in the back corner, hidden away from the view of the street so it's just us in our own little corner of the world. After our drinks arrive at our table, Violet seems quiet, like she wants to say something, but an unknown reason is stopping her.

"Violet, I've been patient, but will you finally tell me what's happening with you?" I ask, sighing and staring into my drink as she remains silent, "I knew you wouldn't tell me, that you were lying."

"You don't understand Alec - it's dangerous. Not petty little danger, life threatening, shattering danger, the kind you only read about," Violet snaps, her voice quiet and harsh and her eyes flashing with so many emotions, it would be impossible to decode just one, "I've already endangered too many people, I don't want you in this too."

"Well I don't know if you've noticed but I'm kind of already in this," I say, frowning at her, "I don't care about danger Violet, I don't care if it's life threatening, everything is dangerous in its own way."

"You don't get it Alec," she says, sighing exasperatedly, "you just don't understand this Alec."

"Then help me understand," I say, looking at her seriously, "tell me Violet, you promised you would, and now you're going to tell me,"

"Okay fine," she says, sighing and lowering her voice significantly, so I have to lean in close just to catch her whispers, "a few years ago, I got involved in something I shouldn't have. I... I became addicted to drugs, and I started doing anything to get them. I soon found myself stuck in the middle of a huge underground drug dealing chain, and I was trapped in this life."

"I-Wow, what happened?" I ask, my eyes widening at her words, unable to believe what I'm hearing from her.

"My parents soon found out, and I was thrown to rehab, but soon after I got out, the leader, he found me and threatened me. I was still stuck in that world even though I wanted out," she says sadly, "after I tried going to the police, nothing was found and a week later, my father was shot. We moved here after that, but I guess they found me."

I stare at Violet, dumbfounded. I see her in a totally different light now. She looks fine, undamaged. Hey long, dark hair falls perfectly down her back, her grey eyes remain mysterious and beautiful, her smile, perfect. How has one so beautiful been through so much darkness?

But then again, there's me. I've been through a stage a few years back I wouldn't like to repeat. I was once part of something I wished to escape, and I did.

"Violet I-" I stammer, unsure as of what to say now, "you'll be okay, you'll get through this, you can get them caught, this time."

"I dunno Alec, this is serious," she says, chewing her lip, "you cannot tell anyone what I just told you. They're all smart Alec, they won't be easily caught and I don't want anyone else to get hurt, not like my dad..."

"Don't worry Violet, I swear, if you're in danger, I'll help stop it," I say.

"You don't get it Alec, people like this - they can't be stopped. They rule a whole other underworld which most people just look past," Violet says, her eyes sad, "you can never win with these people, just stay out of it, I'll deal with it."

"No, I won't Violet," I say firmly, "I won't just pretend nothing is wrong now!"

"This is why I didn't want to tell you!" Violet whispers harshly, "you think you know what this is well you don't Alec! It isn't like books, or films, it's real life!"

"You think I don't know that?" I ask, frowning in anger and hurt, "you think I'm some dumb, naive, innocent little colourblind kid with no life?"

"Yes Alec, I do think that, that's basically what you told me!" Violet says harshly, glaring at him, her usually beautiful, grey eyes angry and dangerous.

"Well who would want to be friends with the kid who used to be a weed addict?!" I say way too loudly, causing people to turn their beards towards us, giving us all sorts of looks - but mostly horrified and disgusted ones.

"You... You what?" She asks, her eyes wide with shock, "you were addicted to weed? Do you even know what that is?"

"Yeah, you know, I was addicted to collecting those pesky plants which kept growing in my mother's vegetable garden. I had everything - even found some four leaf clovers," I say sarcastically, "why does it surprise you so much? I'm not fucking stupid!"

"Sorry Alec, I just, didn't expect it," she says, "why'd you do it?"

"When I had it - I wasn't miserable and colourless. I was bright and happy, hell, I fucking forgot I was colourblind when I was high," I say, sighing, my gaze turning to the ground in shame, "I stopped though, when my mum found out."

"Alec I-I..." She stammers, lost for words, "I'm sorry?"

"Eh it's okay," I say, shrugging, "I just didn't want anyone to know."

"It's okay Alec, I don't care," Violet says, taking my hand, making my heart rate pick up and my brain go into haywire.

"But I-I still do it sometimes Violet, I don't want to but I want to feel normal," I admit, looking down at out hands intertwined, "I just want to feel like everything about me is fine."

"It's okay Alec," Violet says, squeezing my hand, "we all get addicted to something that takes away pain."

We all get addicted to something that takes away pain. I guess that's true. That's what makes dangerous things so addicting: they trick you into thinking everything is fine again, when all it's doing is making everything ten times worse.

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an: hello hope you enjoyed! Sorry for the wait, I've been a bit eh. But I'm back now :)

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