Ramblings of a Misanthropic Geek

Brief (Actually Not Brief) Homophobia Rant

I'm just gonna set the scene for ya'll so my mom and my dad and I are just chillin and watching Lord of the Rings because LotR is the best and I love it just about as much as I love FOB and that's saying something. So we're just watching it like normal and I'm trying to keep a running tally of all the inconsistencies between the books and movies and then we get to that scene in FotR where Saruman and Gandalf are fighting on top of Saruman's tower bc Saruman has decided to betray everyone like shocker who didn't see that coming??? (Sorry if I'm spoiling anything)

I'm gonna assume that a good chunk of you have not seen and/or read LotR but basically that little scene is only relevant in that it revolves around Ian McKlellan and Cristopher Lee (r.i.p. Christopher Lee) So my mom goes, referring to Christopher Lee, "is he the gay one?" And she says gay likes it's a terrible thing and that the very word should not be uttered out loud.

Believe it or not it gets better. My dad goes, "No, Gandalf - Ian McKlellan - is." And at this point I've half tuned out LotR and am listening very very carefully to my parents' conversation and just waiting for one of them to make a homophobic remark. My mom says, "oh, yeah, I've seen him on magazine covers with Patrick Stewart supporting gay marriage" - again, she says this like he's supporting the Klu Klux Klan or something - "and with these rainbows and shit."

And I just about lost my shit right there. I did manage to barely turn my bitter laugh into a cough and blamed it on LotR fangirling when my parents looked at me questioningly. It was kinda hard to enjoy the rest of the movie, though.

This is exactly the type of thing that happens in my house. We are a Catholic family and overall I'm proud to be Catholic except for that part about believing that any sexual orientation other than straight is wrong because that's just fucking messed up.

My mom is a cradle catholic and she's the most homophobic person I've ever met in my life (I don't mean to insinuate that catholic=homophobic it's just a prevailing coincidence) My dad converted before they got married and I'm not totally sure what his feelings on the subject are but he came from a super homophobic family like his dad is possibly the second most homophobic person I've ever met and just goes around throwing "fag" out like its an ok insult like no you shut the fuck up I know that that's kinda how your generation was raised but that's not ok and gay is not a synonym for shitty (FOB trash here in case you haven't noticed)

I've never heard my dad stand up for LGBTQIA+ rights so given that plus the fact that I think he too has used fag and gay as insults plus his dad's opinion on the matter, I'm gonna put my dad in the 'prolly homophobic' group. It's my mom that bothers me the most tho. She's planning on not letting my brother do theatre in high school (not that he enjoys theatre but that's besides the point) bc she thinks that most, if not all, theatre guys are gay and she doesn't want them to infect Nate with their gayness or whatever like do you even hear yourself it's not a fucking disease.

Personally, I'm straight. I've always been straight, even before I knew there were other options, and I know I'm still straight, but I support LGBT rights (just gonna use the first four letters if that's alright with everyone) Like it's fucking equality and it's not like a fad or an act of rebellion or a disease it's a fucking part of who someone is and it's not something they can change. Also, they shouldn't been defined by it like it shouldn't be that big of a deal. People don't go around saying "omg so-and-so is straight what an interesting life choice" so they shouldn't go around saying "omg so-and-so is homosexual/bi/etc what an interesting life choice" because that's not fucking fair.

I have a couple of friends who are bi and they're still my bffs no matter what I don't care what they're sexual orientation is I'll always be here for them. Anyway it's hard for me to understand why my mom is such a homophobe bc like maybe I would be a bit more understanding if she thought homosexuality was bad but LGBT people aren't bad people (I would still firmly disagree with her but I would have a little more sympathy bc I mean she was raised in fairly homophobic culture - no offense to Catholicism but maybe you should update your teaching on homosexuality) but she literally thinks that anyone who isn't straight is a terrible person.

I'm sorry for saying these things bc I know it hurts to hear them and to hear that someone rejects you before they've even met you and I know that what I deal with is nothing compared to what some other people deal with but I just fucking can't stand my mom (sometimes) and homophobia in general (all the fucking time). It's fucking wrong and a person's sexual orientation is a part of who they are and it's no more important than their eye color and should definitely not be a reason to dislike someone bc that's just fucking stupid.

I know that if I ever stood up for LGBT rights to my mom that she would automatically think I was gay and I don't think she could understand that I'm straight but I'm not homophobic. This sounds so fucking cowardly bc it is bc I don't want to be called gay if I'm not. When I hear the word "gay" I don't think of it as an insult I think of it as a sexual orientation but it's still used as an insult. I hate myself for not being brave enough to stand up for something I believe in bc there's a chance I'll be called something that shouldn't be an insult but is and I'm not even asking you guys to say that's ok bc it's stupid and cowardly and not fair compared to some of the shit that people who are gay put up with - being taunted about their sexual orientation when it isn't something that's wrong with them or that they can change.

So that's pretty much it. I'm sorry if I offended anyone. Maybe I'm over reacting a bit and I apologize if I'm making mountains out of molehills but I just needed to get this off my chest. I really hope that everyone who is reading has been accepted by everyone that matters to them but I also know that not everyone is that lucky. Please don't keep it bottled up inside until it destroys you. Talk to someone, anyone, bc repressing that part of you is unhealthy.

I'd like to end on some sort of positive note so here it is: the radio just played Hallelujah and then Nine in the Afternoon and then Dance Dance and then Thnks fr th Mmrs and I'm kinda freaking out and jumping around in a manner that resembles Joe Trohman playing guitar except I'm not on stage with Pete and Patrick and Andy and there is no talent involved here.

I know that wasn't even related to the subject at hand but it was a nice distraction and also holy crap this is long I wish I could write fic chapters this long in one sitting.