Once Again

Once Again - Prologue

Prologue

It’s ironic, that for thirteen years the thing I wanted most in the world was independence; I craved the freedom to be myself, and the ability to live outside of my sister’s shadow. However, the moment she disappeared from my life her shadow grew twice as large and became so intense that it engulfed my entire world. 

***

“Selena!” My mom calls out for the third time that morning. She groans when my older half-sister still doesn’t make an appearance. “Cara, Allie, someone please go wake up Selena.”

I laugh as my twin sister, Allison, impersonates Selena by laying her head down on the kitchen table and faking a snore. “I’ll go,” I say, and stand up from my place at the table.

“Thanks hun,” my mom says as I run out of the room. I sprint up the stairs and down the hall to Selena’s room. If I hope to be successful when I join the track team this fall, I need to run any chance I get. I fling open my sister’s door and run over to her bed; I rip her sheets off of her and shout “wake up, wake up, wake up!” I laugh at the sight of her horrendous bed head hair and giggle even more as I dodge the pillow she throws at me. “Mom says to get your butt downstairs, now!” I paraphrase, tugging one of her feet off of her bed.

“Okay, okay, I’m coming,” she groans. At first I think she is going to fall back asleep but after a minute of complete stillness, the eighteen year old slowly stands up, weighed down by her old age. “Get out of my room, Cara.” She groans.

While we are both technically teenagers, Selena considers herself to be a “mature” “adult,” who does not have time for “children” such as myself. Conversely, I think she’s mean and a bore, and I love to get under her skin. Just as I arrive back in the kitchen, my mom walks over to the table with two muffins and sets them down in front of me and Allie. “Remember that I am going to a business lunch with your father, so Selena will be taking care of you two today.”

“Allison,” my mom says, addressing the more responsible half of our duo. “Please make sure you leave no later than 10 o’clock; I don’t want you to be late for your Dentist appointments.”  Allie nods; she is always the responsible twin. “After you finish eating your breakfast, go brush your teeth and get dressed for the gym. Make sure you wear normal clothes over your leotards, since you will be going to the Dentist first.”

 “Okay Mom,” Allie nods and smiles her angelic smile.

I try smiling the same smile, but even though our faces are identical, my attempt at an angelic smile causes my mom to say “Please, please, please try to stay out of trouble today, Cara.” I shrug, not exactly committing to a trouble free day, but not directly telling my mother ‘no.’ My mom gives me an extra-long, extra-hard stare and then leaves the kitchen.

Silently, we finish eating our pastries and then Allie urges me upstairs. Inside our shared closet, I look through our dresser and pick out a leotard. Today is one of the three times a week I get dragged to the gym; there, I will halfheartedly participate in my classes while Allison pours her soul into training with the team. We both have talent, according – first – to the teacher of our beginners’ gymnastics class at age seven and then according to each coach after that. However, only Allison has a passion for the sport.

I have begged many times to be allowed to quit gymnastics, however, my mom thinks I will cause trouble if left to do whatever I want all summer. But after years of campaigning, she has finally given into a compromise. I’ll keep taking classes until the end of the summer, and after that, I get to choose whatever sport I want.

I am counting down the days till I join the track team. In only 55 days I will be running with my new team, instead of doing flips and other nonsense at the gym. While I will be starting high school this fall and escaping the world of gymnastics, Allie is going to be homeschooled at the gym so that she has even more time to train.

“It’s time to go!” Selena yells from our bedroom doorway.

“Coming!” Allison calls back. “Can you please hurry, so we’re not late?”

“No,” I answer, taunting her by pulling on a pair of socks slower than molasses. Once I have stretched out the getting ready process as long as possible, we pile into Selena’s car; I climb into the front seat before Allie has time to protest. Selena got this car for her eighteenth birthday from my parents; she is in love with it. She thinks she is so cool because she has a car. But can you blame her? Even if she can be pretty annoying, I am jealous of her freedom and ability to go wherever she wants. Being eighteen years old seems pretty cool.

Going to the dentist is not cool. The tacky brown stucco building and obnoxiously large paintings of teeth in the waiting room are not cool. The sweaty dentist’s face hovering over mine as he stabs my gums is not cool.

“How come you don’t have to go to the dentist today?” I ask Selena once I am done with my appointment.

“I am at the dentist, Car,” Selena says with a straight face.

“You know what I mean,” I whine. She only shrugs and turns back to the receptionist. She makes our next appointment and then drags me out to the car. Allie opens the passenger door and starts to get in; I rode in the front seat on the way here, so now it is her turn. But I am in a bad mood, and I am tired of always doing what people tell me to. Naturally, I decide to pitch a fit. Selena sighs; she hates it when I do this, but I do it because I know I’ll get my way. My sisters don’t want to be late, so Allison quickly offers to switch seats.

I sit and sulk in the front seat, upset that my tantrum didn’t take up more time, and wish that Selena would turn the car back towards home. She doesn’t. We’re going to the gym where I will feign interest while everyone asks why I can’t be a gymnast as good as my twin. I close my eyes and lean my head against the cool window, imagining that I’m on my way to anywhere but where I am headed.

I hear a scream. I hear several screams. I hear the crunching of glass and the skidding of tires. I open my eyes instinctively, but I wish I hadn’t. For an instant I see a clump of trees approaching the front of the car, but an instant later I am thrown forward, and I can only see pain and an airbag.

I can still hear several screams, but now mine is one of them. I see Selena fighting to push the airbag away from her face and I turn to look at Allison.

She is silent and motionless. Her head is covered in blood.

“Allie!” I shout but she doesn’t respond. “Allie!” I shout again, and again I receive no answer.

“Selena!” I shout, even though there is only the eerie silence to be heard over. “Sel! Allie isn’t moving!”

Selena attempts to turn to see our sister, but is trapped by her seatbelt. She frees herself and then turns again. She cries out. She pulls out her cellphone and dials three numbers. While she answers questions on the phone, Selena reaches out to grab onto my hand. I grip it tightly, close my eyes, and cry.

Three hours later, a doctor informs my family that Allie is dead.