Once Again

Once Again (22)

“You haven’t been to a single sporting event since you got to this school.” Ashley informs me moments after I open the front door to my house.

“Um, what are you doing here?” I ask, confused at her sudden appearance.

“You haven’t been to a sporting event yet.” She reiterated.

I shrug. “Not my thing, I guess.”

She stares at me. “School spirit is everybody’s thing.” I raise an eyebrow, challenging her opinion on the matter.

“You’re going to the game.” She informs me, closing the metal door, and spinning the lock.

“What game?” I ask, knowing that the answer will not have any effect on my desire to attend.

“Baseball, dummy.” I am skeptical. I have not once heard Ashley talk about baseball, or any other sport for that matter. “Nathan plays, you know.” And now I know why she is suddenly interested in America’s pastime. “Dylan too.” I had completely forgotten about Dylan’s athletic involvement.

“Hmm,” I say, merely passing the time as I wait for Ashley to continue to speak.

“Oh, come on, don’t be so lame.” She sighs when I don’t say anything committal. “It will be fun! The game starts in an hour, and I can bring you home right after.”

I look at her, skeptically. However, I decide to give in. Getting involved in this school won’t kill me, I suppose.

“Okay.”

“Yay!” she grins. I have to wonder why she is so desperate for me to go. While I am her social charity case, Ashley could have easily asked Cynthia or another dozen other girls to go to the game with. Maybe she is hoping for a companion with equal – at least what she thinks is equal – romantic investment in the team?

Thanks to the cheering from Ashley and I, our school pulls off a victory in the last inning. 12-11. Ashley convinces me to hang around after the end of the game so that she can greet Nathan when he comes out of the locker room.

As soon as she spots Nate, she hurries over to him, leaving me to stand awkwardly alone. I sigh, and resign myself to waiting patiently.

“Hey! I didn’t know you were coming, Car.” James is suddenly standing in front of me, speaking to me. I had forgotten that James was even on the baseball team until they called out his name in the starting lineup.

After that I forced myself to focus on Ashley’s conversation, the crowd, and the rules of the sport; I concentrated on anything and everything else to help me forget the two seasons I spent playing baseball with James as kids. His appearance catches me off guards. “I didn’t really plan on it… but Ashley sort of forced me to come.”

“Well, thanks for coming anyways.”

“Uh, you’re welcome.”

“Look,” he says, which makes me nervous, because his tone becomes serious. “Can we talk about the other night?”

“You mean when you kidnapped me from my front step?” I immediately regret saying that, because it will only escalate the conversation. The day I learn to think before I speak will be the day that changes my life for the better.

He stares at me. “It took some convincing, but you finally realized that a warm house – my warm house – was not going to kill you. I wouldn’t call it kidnapping.”

“Great. What else is there to talk about?” I return his stare, refusing to give in. We’ve had a civil conversation since that night; why do we need to bring it up again?

“On the bench outside of the school you admitted that talking to me wasn’t so bad.”

“So?”

“Look, I just wanted to tell you how I feel.”

No way am I going to stand here and hear about James’ feelings. I don’t want to know.

I turn, and take two steps towards the parking lot before James’ hand on my arm pulls me back. I spin and look at him. “Let go.”

“Listen.”

“Let go.” I repeat, not in the mood to negotiate.

“No, listen. I just think you should know, that I’ve realized that you are still important to me. Yes three years have passed, but I don’t want to let another three go by with hard feelings between us. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard losing Allie was for you, and I do not hold anything you said or did against you.”

“Stop,” I interrupt. Hearing him say her name feels like I just got punched in the gut. “Stop… please. I just can’t. Stop.” He pauses briefly, but continues speaking, ignoring what I have just said.

“I want us to be friends again.” I don’t know why he thinks that is a possibility. He’s been around me enough lately to know that I am incapable of behaving normally. And he’d be an idiot to think that our friendship could just reappear. He has been acting awfully dumb lately, so I’m not about to rule out the possibility of him being a diagnosed idiot. “I just wanted you to know.” He gently squeezes my arm, then lets his hand drop back to his side. “See you in chem tomorrow,” he adds, and then walks away, leaving me to think about everything he has just said.

I stand in that same spot for a minute, pondering my options, but am interrupted by Dylan. “What did that guy want?” He asks.

I completely forgot about him. I’m sure that he saw me in the stands before the game, and figured that I’d hang around to see him after. He obviously saw me talking with James. However, for some reason I can’t bring myself to care about what he thinks.

“Nothing,” I shrug. “Look, I gotta get home. It’s a school night and my mom might freak.” This is a lie, and we both know it, but it’s the best I can come up with 30 seconds and a distracted brain.

“Oh, alright. See you tomorrow.” I nod as I turn and make my way towards Ashley’s car, deciding I’d rather just wait for my friend away from all these other people.