Hardest of Hearts (VA fanfic) [Adopted from Fanfiction's Dareia]

HELLO, GOODBYE

RPOV
"I've got a great idea!" Sonja grinned wickedly at her brother. I knew from experience that nothing good could come from it. That grin always meant she was plotting. Again, she was far too much like me all over again. "I'll give you Belikov and that way James is all mine!"
Niko had to go all Zen on his sister like their father had done with me. "Sonja, you can't toss mentors around like dolls." He sighed, shook his head, and pulled his hands through his hair, which happened to be the same length as his father's had been. How I lived with a Dimitri repeat after all he'd done to me I'll never know.
"I don't give a damn!" she resolutely argued. "I'm talking to Aunt Lissa."
"Mom?" Niko waited for me to say something, anything. Only, I'd barely heard a word they'd said. I was still trying to come to grips with the fact he was back, AND mentoring our daughter who seemed to detest his methods. Too much like me. "Mom!"
"Oh, yes?" I tried to clear my head and focus on them, not my issues of skeletons coming out of our closet.
"Are you alright? You seem a little pale and unfocused," observed Niko. His concerned eyes pierced me, the eyes that were his father's shade of brown.
Sure, I feel amazing. Your unsuspecting and kept-in-the-dark daddy is back after nearly two decades. Hip-hip-hooray! Yeah... no!
I forced a smile onto my face and responded. "Yeah, I'm perfectly fine. Just zoned out a little. What were you going on about?"
Sonja radiated pride and cunning. Oh no. What now? "I'm going to ask Aunt Lissa to replace that Russian Drill Sargent Belikov with James."
"Sis', you can't just ask Aunt Lissa to favour you. She clearly assigned him to you on purpose."
Yeah, right on Niko. She did it to cause me a heart attack and make my life a living hell!
"I'll talk to her," I commented resolutely. The sofa was left behind as I stood and began striding to the door.
"What!" they exclaimed in unison. It was so sweet when they did that, it reminded me that no matter how different their characters were they still shared the same origins and twin synchronicity.

Both Sonja and Niko stared at me as if I was losing my mind, like I'd grown a second head. Their expressions were priceless. Normally I would calm Sonja down and be completely against asking such a favour of Lissa- she was my Moroi after all. But this was far from a normal situation. It was going to all be revealed that another dhampir- a guardian, my friend's then-guardian and my mentor, no less- was the one to get me pregnant. Nothing would ever be the same and I wasn't ready for it, wasn't ready for the truth to come out.

"You heard me," I repeated and restarted my too-long walk to the door. "I'll talk to her and have Belikov removed as Sonja's mentor."

I more or less sprinted to Lissa's office. I was going to insist I couldn't have Dimitri here, that I didn't want him here. It would ruin everything if it hadn't already. I didn't want him near my kids; he'd shattered my trust in him, so I refused to let that happen to Sonja and Niko. I asked them every year if they wanted to know or know about their father and they never did. He meant nothing to them because he had never been there for them. I was incredibly thankful for it. I don't know if I'd be able to recount how they came about without letting on just how deeply his actions had cut me. I mean, he'd left me pregnant! And I suspected it was because he wanted a family. Though there still was a part of me that reared its ugly head that made me feel a pang of guilt for keeping them away from him. I mean, they couldn't exist without his 'help'. But I was selfish by nature when it came to my children. All my life I'd sacrificed everything for Lissa and I had thought Dimitri would be the exception. In the end, my kids had become that exception. He'd left without a word. Literally. And I couldn't find it in me to forgive him for it. One night he'd been in my room. The next morning he'd snuck out early as usual, but hadn't turned up for training. I don't owe him anything after that. I especially don't owe him the privilege of knowing he's a parent.

My thoughts had put me in such a haze that I didn't see I was about to bump into someone until I hit a hard chest. I recognised- all too easily- who I had collided with outside Lissa's office. I didn't have to look. He smelled the same. And, oh god, he felt the same! It was too much. It was Dimitri. He reached out to steady me before I fell on my hip. I flashed back to another time or two when he'd saved me from a similar fall. Why did he have to make me so damn clumsy! My stomach clenched; I didn't have the energy to deal with this right now. His touch still made me experience things no man should ever make a woman feel, especially when he'd been the one who had left!