Niall's POV
"I'm such an idiot," I was currently on the phone with my brother Greg. I told him all about what happened earlier. I told him how I felt like my heart got ripped apart. I told him how I couldn't be more stupid than I was. I told him about how I was the cause of all of this. "I just don't know what got into me." I spoke quietly letting a tear slip down my face.
It's been a while since I've blown up like that. I used to have terrible anger issues but they sort of went away when I was 13. I guess it was because of what mom told me before she passed. I told her that she was a mistake. That I didn't love her, maybe it was to try and deal with our breakup. Maybe I was trying to get my heart to stop producing these crazy feelings I have for this girl. I didn't mean one ounce of it, not one bit. I do love her, and if anyone was the mistake in that relationship it was me. I made the hugest fucking mistake of my life by giving up on her, I should've know she wasn't with Louis or trying to flirt with Greg or Zayn. If anything Zayn was coming on to her. She didn't deserve this.
"Are you two still, ya know... Together?" He asked. It took me a while to process what he said and the answer somehow slipped out of my mouth.
"No, we aren't dating anymore."
"Well Do you remember Holly? Maybe I could set you two up again." Greg said. Holly. She was my ex girlfriend from a couple years before I started dating Emelia. She was a total bitch and not to mention she tried to sleep with every guy she knew while she was still dating me. Just the thought of her make me almost gag. I don't even remember the reason why I dated her her. Why would I want to have a different girlfriend right know? All I want is Emeila.
"Why would I want a girlfriend now? She just goes slutting around with every guy I know. Who's next? The god damn president?!" I asked in disgust referring to Holly. I was actually afraid of that answer though. And I knew it would be yes.
" I'm just saying man. She seemed like you really liked her. Like she actually mattered to you." He spoke. I cringed.
Like Holly mattered to me? Did it really seem like she did? Like she was the only one I cared about? Not Emelia? Did it seem like Emelia didn't matter to me?
"Why should she matter? I didn't care for her anyways. She was just someone I could have for the summer. Quick shag was all I wanted. She on the other hand thought way too far into it." It was true though. The only reason why I actually wanted her was because I knew she would help me get rid of my V-card. I was too quick to get rid of it and it was the hugest mistake of my life. And then she started getting clingy. She actually liked me. Besides sleeping with other guys, she told me I was the best she's had. I quickly abandoned her. I didn't want to deal with that. Her always sneaking out at night to go give herself to someone else and then come back to me and say she loved me.
"Looks like you weren't the only one who thought she was a quick shag. Look at how many other guys are lining up at her door step." He chuckled making me laugh as well.
"Sorry man I gotta go. Denise is talking about what color of flowers we want at our wedding and I need to pick between coral blue or Tiffany pink." I smiled to myself thinking about what he's been going through for the past 3 months. Wedding planning was having the best of him and I kind of felt bad for the lad.
"Alright Night. See you for auditions tomorrow." I said hanging up. Tomorrow I was auditioning for the X-Factor. I was really nervous and wasn't sure what to quite sing yet. All the songs I had picked out didn't quite feel right. I needed something that spoke to me. I wish Emelia could be there but I knew she'd never agree to it. She hates me. I was a total arse to her and I deserve her hatred.
I took a deep sigh and made my way around the island turning to my left. I suddenly stopped in my tracks when I saw Emelia sitting there on the floor looking up at me. My eyes went wide and I tried to form words but they just weren't there for me to grasp onto. Her cheeks were tear stained and her mascara was smeared across her rosy cheeks. Slowly she picked herself off of the floor and turned to look up at me.
"I guess I'm not worth it anymore right? I mean I'm just some girl that goes slutting around with every guy she sees. Guess I should go call Obama. He's waiting for my call." She was looking down at the floor now. Her voice cracked a bit mid sentence and it took me every ounce of strength I had not to smother her with a huge hug. It took me every ounce of strength not to let her fall into my arms again. She let a tear run down her right cheek and it quickly dripped off her chin to her tear stained shirt.
No.
No.
God no.
She thinks I was talking about her. She thinks I was talking about her the whole time. I tried to move to chase after her as she walked over to the stairs but my legs just wouldn't move. I stood there speechless and unable to take control over my own body. I had no control. (A/N: hehe see what I did there? ;) )
She walked over to the stairs but suddenly stopped for a second before looking over at me from the bottom step of the staircase. She let out a shaky sigh and then spoke to me with tears forming in her eyes.
"Who are you and what did you do to my Niall?" She asked. That last sentence broke my heart. It sucks to see someone you love being broken down by someone else but it's even worse to be the one that breaks them down. I was that reason.
Slowly I sunk down to the floor and began sobbing. "What the hell did you do Niall?" I asked myself while letting my tear soak my shirt. I sniffed a bit before returning to my room. As soon as I got there I began listening to music.
Let it go - James Bay
I wish you were here- Avril Levine
And the last one was probably the one that spoke to me the most.
So sick- NeYo
All of the sudden I began singing along and it didn't sound half bad. It actually sounded great. And that's when It was decided.
I'm singing So Sick, for my X-Factor audition.
•••
Ahhh! Guys! I started crying when I re-read this chapter! :( I really sorry I had to do this to you guys! And the worse part is, it only gets worse... But hey, you guys will eventually move on right? Just kidding, it'll get better but not for a while so just sit back and enjoy the story!! Love you my lovely llamas! And stay classy my potatoes!
- Delaney xx
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it hurts. // n.h.
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