it hurts. // n.h.

20- I love You

I listened through Niall's entire audition. He was amazing. It kind of surprised me how great he was and I've never noticed before. I've never heard Niall sing and it kind of caught me off guard when he began So Sick by NeYo

"Gotta change my answering machine,
Now that I'm alone
Cause right it says that we
Can't come to the phone," Niall's eyes searched through out the audience over and over again like he was trying to pick out someone specific.

"And I know it makes no sense
cause you walked out the door
But that's the only way I can hear your voice anymore." His eyes searched to the row right in front of me and then he glanced up. I was really wishing he didn't see me but it was too late. His glance landed right upon me. I tried looking away from him to get the glance to be disconnected but when I looked back I saw he was still starring into my eyes.

I knew his song choice was about me. I knew it was. There's no way in hell it was about anyone else. But my question was, why would he be singing about me if he thought that I was some slut? I heard him say so myself while he was on the phone.

My awkward feelings for him soon turned to anger. He really had enough nerve to go up in front of the entire audience and sing about me when he was the one that broke up with me?! He's the one that ended things. If he really didn't want it to end, he would've thought before breaking us apart. I laughed to myself a bit before looking back to the stage to see him standing there. The judges apparently silenced him which made me a little happy yet sad at the same time.

They began talking to him. He already got 1 yes and 1 no. I was really hoping Katy Perry would say that one simple word, so he could be as miserable as I was. I truly hated him but loved him at the same time.

Wait. No. You don't love him. You just hate him. That's all there is. Hatred. He ruined you and didn't even care. But then why would he be here in front of everyone singing a song about me. Letting all his emotions out with singing. It just didn't add up. And I didn't know how mad or how much hatred I truly had for him until I heard Katy say those 5 simple words.

"Yes, of course your in." Niall jumped up in the air and smiled.

I quickly got out of my seat, grabbing all of my belongings. I was pissed. Beyond pissed. I don't know why I didn't want him to get through but I just didn't. I should be glad. He's not going to be seeing me for a while now. He's going to have to go to boot camp like they do every year. He's going to be out of my life. But maybe that's why I was so upset. Maybe I wasn't ready for him to be completely gone.

Niall has always been in my life. For everything. When he was mad at me or I was mad at him he still showed up to special events that I was participating in. Piano recitals, choir concerts, gigs I've had at many coffee shops, my opening for exhibits of my photography, and he's even been there to hear my new songs when I think I've come up with a great melody. I'm not going to have that anymore. It's all gone. And for what cost? Niall living his dream.
It was his dream. You should be happy. But angry. And sad. So many emotions. We're running through my brain and it was hard for me to just simply reach out and grasp onto one. They all seemed so great right now.

I rushed up the stairs moving my body towards the exit. I could hear my name being called by Tanner and Harry. I chose to ignore their calls and swiftly moved my feet towards the exit. My mind was running a million miles a minute and I began to feel light headed and really dizzy. My feelings couldn't control themselves so they chose to physically make me sick.

I went toward the huge doors I came in through earlier and pushed. My breath hitches as I felt the cold air hit my skin, making my hair prick up and stand on edge.

I took deep breaths and raced to my car. The fog created from my breath puffed up in my face and repeated. Suddenly I heard someone yell my name again,

'Don't listen to them.' I thought as my feet moved quickly.

I continued to hurry to my car.

"Emelia! Wait!" The voice was closer and I ran a bit faster. As soon as I reached my car I got out my keys and tried putting them into the door to open it but quickly got frustrated when they somehow wouldn't go in. I let out a quick grunt and my shaking hands tried to still themselves as I attempted to push the key in the key hole.

"Emelia Ann Taylor!" The voice came closer sounding as if they were right behind me. Before I could react I felt a strong hand being placed over my arm and it suddenly turned me around pushing me up against my car. A pair of  cold dry lips crashed onto my soft warm ones.

I couldn't react. I didn't know how to. The keys I was holding in my hands slipped from my finger tips and dropped the the floor with a small jingle. My hands stayed there, bent at the side of me while his hands rested on my waist. My breath hitched, getting caught in my throat and I slowly started to kiss back.

I know who was kissing me and I really wish I didn't because the kiss was just so good. It was magical. I really don't know how else to explain it. Our lips just fit so perfectly. It felt. Right.

Slowly, I brought my arms to his neck as he began to slow down the kiss. Our lips slowly disconnected and he leaned his forehead against mine. I wasn't going to say anything. That kiss took my breath away. It truly did. My heart wasn't even resistant anymore. It melted away just by his simple touch.

"I fucking love you. I miss you. I need you. I'm nothing without you Emelia. I was such an arse and I messed this whole thing up. I know what your thinking and no. I wasn't talking about you in the phone. I was talking about my ex Holly. You know what I told Greg? I told him about how big of a fucking idiot I am. How I just lost the girl of my dreams. You are the girl I want to marry Em and I don't care what you have to say about it. I don't want any model. I don't want some fucking girl who's two sizes too small. I don't want someone who you see as more beautiful. I don't want someone who's younger or a bit older. I don't want some celebrity. I don't want them because they aren't you! I want you! Because you know what? Your love fucking drives me crazy. And without you, I feel like something's missing. Your my addiction Emelia Ann Taylor. Your my addiction and I'm your addict. I fucking love you so much." I stood there quietly to myself as I was trying to process what he just said. I was speechless. His words were exactly what I needed to hear at this point and the only thing I could get out was.

"Me too." Niall's hands cupped my cheeks and he leaned in to roughly whisper something into my ear.

"I need to hear you say it." I stood there quietly for a couple of minutes. Did I really love Niall? Did I truly love him? Or do I like him? This was too much to think about at this point and my brain was racking itself together trying to figure out one simple question.

He furrowed his eyebrows together, forming a small crease on his forehead. I could tell he was getting frustrated.

"Say it," he said roughly. "Say it. Please," his voice softened a bit but his facial expressions stayed the same. All at once it hit me like a freaking bus. All the flashing lights went off and it was so clear. I can't believe I didn't realize it before.

"I love you." I said in barely a whisper. He smiled at me and slowly leaned his lips in to reconnect them with my own.

I have my boyfriend back. I have the love of my life back. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

•••

Guys!! I'm so flipping emotional right now! MY HEART IS SMILING!! wait can hearts smile? I don't care. MY HEATY IS FREAKING SMILING. SCREW science, I know what my heart is doing when it's doing it. So did you like the plot twist? MY FAVORITE CHAPTER SO FAR!! Keep commenting and voting for the book whenever you can!!

See you next chapter my lovely llamas! Stay classy my potatoes!

-Delaney xx