We're Just Friends (Jaspar/Youtube)

Chapter 4: Drunk Joe and Sober Thoughts

One of the most beautiful things about night is the silence. In a city of blinding lights and blurred faces, the one constant thing is always the shockingly silent atmosphere of the night. Like somehow you can be surrounded by hundreds of living, breathing people and yet feel completely, and utterly alone in the world.

Silence is one of the most shockingly beautiful, yet one of the saddest sounds. Because it isn't a sound exactly, just a metaphor. Silence. It represents the young girl on the sidewalk gripping a quilt with tear streaks still forging a line down her cheek, bleeding hopelessness and despair in one single tear drop.

The man who strums his guitar, his voice mournful, and angry at a world that took too many things from him too quickly.

The silence of the girl at a club, blocking out the world with cup after cup of bitter liquid, blurring the nighttime and passing the ticking clock, waiting for something or someone who might make time matter again.

Silence is everything. It's deadly, it's hopeful, it's mournful. It's peace and its anger all at once. Silence has always been Caspar's favorite part of every morning and of every night. Because the silence is his own, unchanging against every event.

Maybe it was the nighttime making him nostalgic, the dark streets of London so familiar as he walked the same path he'd walked so many nights before.

It's always the same thing, the same boy, making the same mistakes. No, not mistakes. They aren't mistakes to him, never have been.

It's always been Caspar's own mistake. He realized that now, that he was irrevocably in love with Joe Sugg. Maybe always had been. The idea of it had always been there hovering in the outskirts of his mind. His own brain chalking up the touching, the cuddling into some form of friendship in attempt to comfort himself into believing that he wasn't falling in love with his best friend.

They live together. How was this even supposed to work now? He can't just avoid him for the rest of his life. How do you fall out of love with a person you see every single day in your own home?

How was he supposed to live with the realization that he, Caspar Lee, was in love with a boy. A boy who had been his best friend for years. His bloody roommate.

By the time Caspar reached the apartment, it was pitch black outside, the full moon casting shadows along the building. The door clunked open with a dull thud as he shuffled inside, blindly reaching for the light switch by the stairs. The lights flickering on slowly, his eyes adjusting to the onslaught as he blinked repeatedly.

Caspar felt incredibly tired as he moved to his room, collapsing into the bed, not even bothering to change his clothes. His eyes closed as soon as his head touched the pillow.

It must have been a few minutes or maybe hours when he woke up again, blinking blearily about the bedroom. There was a noise in the front room, before he heard another crash and what sounded like something breaking. Great. He hope they weren't getting robbed.

He couldn't even remember if he locked the door when he came inside. Oh well. Maybe it was Joe. He waited a moment, debating whether or not he should get up and go attack the robber or just wait it out and hope the robber went away.

The idea of getting up sounded miserable. But then he heard another crash followed by high pitched giggles. Joe.

Caspar let out a sigh, getting up and moving towards the main room where Joe was standing over the broken lamp. The one Zoe had gotten them for Christmas last year. Good luck to Joe when he had to explain that he'd broken her lamp when he was stumbling around drunk.

Caspar was sure that would go over real well.

"Joe," he mumbled finally, "What the bloody hell are ya doing?" Caspar moved towards the counter so he could see the time on the clock by the stove. 3:47 A.M.

"Caspieee" Joe giggled, turning around to stare at him, hair disheveled, and a faint red mark from lipstick splotched on his neck. He seemed so amused with himself.

"You just broke a lamp, Joe," Caspar said gesturing to the broken pieces that were now scattered about on the ground. Joe frowned cutely at him before looking down, his eyes crinkling in confusion before he looked up at him, a guilty expression on his face.

"Oops," he said. Caspar moved forward, grabbing Joe's arm. 

"Okay, its fine, we'll deal with it tomorrow, come on let's go to bed," He said tugging him by his shirt sleeve. Joe smiled up at him. He'd gone from pouting like a toddler to smirking at him real quick. 0-100 like always with a drunk Joe Sugg. 

Caspar led Joe towards his room, hoping to just deposit him in his room and leave him to sleep off his massive hangover, but the minute he'd gotten him on the bed, Joe was tugging him down next to him.

"Joe, go to sleep," Caspar said, his eyes drooping as Caspar tried to detach himself from Joe's fingers.

"Sleep with me," Joe mumbled, grasping at his shirt again and Caspar sighed before sitting down on the bed next to him. Joe smiled slightly, closing his eyes as his hand relaxed. Caspar figured he'd just wait for him to fall asleep and move into his own room.

Caspar watched his breathing start to even, but before he could get up and leave, Joe hopped out of bed, hand clutching his mouth as he rushed towards the bathroom. Caspar heard him throw up in the toilet. Lovely.

Caspar walked into the bathroom, grabbing his tooth brush and handing it to him as he watched him frown confusedly.

"Your going to have such a shit hangover tomorrow, mate," Caspar said and Joe groaned. He appeared to be sobering up slightly as they made their way back to the room after he washed his teeth twice.

Joe climbed back into bed tugging Caspar next to him, and this time Caspar gave in, if anything just to be able to go to sleep, even if it was Joe's bed. Joe, the roommate he'd just spent hours trying to figure out how to stay away from. Joe shuffled closer to him, curling into Caspar, like a baby koala as he blinked sleepily up at him.

"Night," Caspar murmured before closing his eyes. If only to block out Joe's expression. Joe was going to be the death of him. Joe moved again, restless as he tried to get comfortable. Caspar kept still, pretending he was asleep. A few minutes passed and Caspar thought Joe had finally fallen asleep when he heard it.

"Night Cas, I love you," Joe whispered. Caspar tried to keep his body from tensing, tried to fake sleep. Maybe it was completely platonic. In fact, of course it was. They said they loved each other all the time, or they used to at least. It was friendly, like bro-love or something. Caspar figured he was just drunk and that was why he'd chosen now to say it after weeks of tense moments between them. They may have slept in the same bed a few times lately, but it was only because it was cold in the flat, or at least that's what Joe always said.

The funny thing was, Joe didn't sound very drunk when he'd said it. In fact, he sounded sober, almost like he meant it.

But then again, it was ridiculous. Caspar didn't want to think about it anymore so instead he let himself drift off.