We're Just Friends (Jaspar/Youtube)

Chapter 14: Be my distraction

It'd been three days since Zoe's heart had stopped and then come back to life. Joe and I had been staying in a hotel in Brighton and spending most of our time at the hospital or with Alfie and Mr. Sugg.

Zoe hadn't made any progress. Everything was still the same, and her eyes were still not open. Alfie was at home sleeping while Joe sat with Zoe. It was nearing ten o' clock at night when I entered the hospital. Mr. Sugg was walking down the hallway near Zoe's room, clutching a steaming cup of coffee. Clearly he intended to take over vigil by Zoe's bed and send his son home for some rest.

I smiled at him as I followed him into the room. Joe was on his laptop by Zoe's bed, he looked up when we entered.

"Any change?" Mr. Sugg inquired, handing his son one of the coffees in his hand.

Joe shook his head, closing the lid of the laptop.

"Why don't you go home with Caspar and get some rest?" Mr. Sugg said, "I'll stay for awhile,"

"No thanks, I'm fine," Joe said, rubbing at his eyes. He had significant bags under his eyes and he looked rundown and tired.

"Joe, why don't you co-" I started, but stopped when he turned to glare at me. I snapped my mouth closed, backing up slightly into the door frame.

"Joe, I'll see you tomorrow. I'll call you and Alfie immediately if something changes," Mr. Sugg said, a sense of finality in his voice that left no room for argument. I wasn't sure Joe had enough energy at this point to argue.

Joe finally gave in. He packed his laptop and trailed after me down the hallway, mouth pinched tight. I was quiet next to him, waiting for him to speak as he we hailed a cab and drove to the hotel.

Once we were inside I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and ready myself for bed. Joe sat on his bed, feet dangling off it as he picked at a thread in the duvet.

I let him alone with his silence as I came out of the bathroom, crossing my arms as I stared at him. Joe avoided my gaze and I let out a sigh, turning to my suitcase and pulling my shirt over my head to exchange it for a different one.

I felt Joe approach me. He was so close to my back I could feel the heat from his body radiating towards me like he was the sun warming me to my bones.

"Joe," I started turning to look at him. Joe was looking at me with pain in his eyes. All I wanted was to make it go away.

Joe moved forward, lips sealing over mine. It wasn't a romantic kiss, or even a playful one. Instead, it was one of passion, anger, and grief. It was harsh, like Joe was trying to kiss away his pain.

"Joe," I said breaking the kiss as he leaned his forehead against mine.

"Sh..." he said as he pushed me against the wall, attempting to pin me with his smaller body. I let him as our mouths crashed back together, hands tangling, as he pressed his entire body against mine.

I let my mind go, ignoring the voice telling me to stop him. Joe was biting at my lower lip now, tugging it between his teeth as I let out a groan. He slid his leg in between mine as he pressed me harder against the wall.

"Joe," I said again as I pulled my mouth from his, mind flickering back to the present. "We shouldn't be doing this," I said.

I knew we needed to stop.

I didn't want Joe to just want me because he needed a distraction.

I didn't want him to want me only because he didn't want to think about what was going on.

"Please, Caspar," Joe whispered and his voice sounded broken and breathless as he raised his eyes from my mouth to look me in the eye.

The pain that swirled in his blue eyes made me pause. I waited a moment staring at him, weighing the outcomes if we carried on.

"Please, Caspar, just once," Joe said as he leaned forward, mouthing at the skin on my neck as whispered into my ear another 'please'. His hand reached to tangle in my hair, tugging until my neck was stretched out, Joe completely in control.

I fought to keep my mind rational as Joe continued. I didn't want it to be 'just once'. But I was selfish, and I wanted Joe.

I would always want Joe. Screw it, I thought.

I pressed forward, locking our lips again as I pushed Joe back towards the bed. Our knees caught on the edge of his bed as we tumbled onto it.

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a.n. comments and votes definitely encourage me to keep writing. I'm so amazed that this many people are reading it still :) thank you all xx p.s. the wall slamming scene has been transferred to a new chapter because that up there just kind of happened....