Gasoline l.h

招待

|Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me?|

I couldn't get the boy out of my head. He was so beautiful, I think that was god himself.

I only have three classes with him, which sucks because I want to be with him forever. Fuck, I shouldn't be thinking like this, love doesn't exist.

I made my way to my home. I live by myself, well not entirely by myself, I have my cat there to keep me company.

I went inside my silent home, I like the peace and quiet, gives me this calming feeling I rarely feel.

I threw my keys on my plump couch and made my way to my kitchen, and there was my cat, looking at me innocently.

"Do you want to eat?" I asked sweetly, she of course didn't answer, just rubbed herself on my leg, I chuckled at how cute she is.

I grabbed a bottle of whiskey and my cats food. I fed her before I start to tear myself apart.

I made my way to my room. I didn't want my roommate to see this, she is to innocent and doesn't deserve to see something so horrible.

You may ask yourself "Why does she care so much about that cat?" Well the answer to that question is... I don't know. I don't like cats but feather is different, she makes me happy, even though she is an animal.

I don't love anyone, apart from my cat and... No I don't love that blonde God, no I refuse too.

I opened the bottle of whiskey and chugged 1/4 of it. And this is where I ruin my self. I'm self destructive, no one can save me.

The whiskey tasted weird, it tasted very elegant and I hate it, but I still drank it.
I drank to entertain myself. To see how I struggle to keep going, to not give up.

I hate living like this, I fucking hate it, I wish I could be one of those happy girls that just didn't have to worry about shit, about nothing.

But I guess this is how I should be, this is my punishment from God, even though I don't remember doing anything terrible that made me deserve this.

Tearing myself apart is a hobby, I do it all the time, no one cares though, and no one will ever care about me.