Why Me?

Okay. Now, I always believed in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Sandman, and even the tooth fairy. Every other kid in school did, so why not me? Unfortunately, my dad never said anything about them. He called them stupid and said they were myths. But when I was in elementary school, I still kept faith. I kept believing that one day, the so called "guardians" would visit me. I never stayed up to visit any of them, because I knew that the Sandman would get to me first.

I thought a lot as a child. About everything. What if there were guardians for everything? Would they be giants? Would we be able to see them? Are they what we think they are? What if they are armed? Is that why they're called dangerous? I had a lot of time for these kinds of questions. When my mom left, I was in second grade. My dad became a drunk, and I took up most of the responsibility in the house.

When I reached middle school, all of the kids started to stop believing. I went along with it, but secretly, I still believed. I figured that they just didn't want to be seen, or didn't ever leave their homes. I never stopped believing. I thought that the guardians brought me that gift. I loved it.

^~^

My little brother, Jamie, and I were playing on a mountain. He was about 8, me 14. I loved him so much. I would have taken a bullet for him. We were messing around by a lake, standing on the edge in dead winter. Our dad and new mom didn't know we were up here. That never bugged me. I had never gotten Jamie hurt. The lake was frozen. I decided to take a race across it. Jamie could have ice skates, but I couldn't. I was a lot faster than him, but without skates, I knew I would be a mess.

I strapped Jamie into his skates, and pushed him to the edge of the lake.

"One." I start the count. I am nervous, but keep the courage to not back out.

"Two." Jamie has already gotten into starting position.

"Three." We both started to race of... kind of. Jamie had never been on ice skates, yet he was starting to get the hang of it. I, on the other hand, was scrambling to get a foothold. Once I found out how to get started, Jamie was on the half mark of the lake! I started to race as fast as I could, and ended up catching up with him. I had fairly good eyesight, so I could see the giant crack two feet in front of us. I took a bound and pushed Jamie away from me and the crack, then ran/scrambled away from it myself. But I could feel myself being pulled in. I fell into the water.

^~^

Shocking cold. It freezes you to the bone instantaneously. All I could do was sit there, waiting for warmth.

Then, somewhere in the distance, I heard a little boy's voice. He was screaming my name. I suddenly felt an internal rush. I started to think again. I moved my arms and legs in patterns. I could hardly feel them. How far away is the top? That was my first rational thought. Suddenly, I broke the surface. I tried to open my eyes, only to see Jamie rushing towards me.

"No!" I meant for my voice to be a powerful yell, but I couldn't even hear myself. Somehow, Jamie understood. I pulled myself out of the black abyss, and slowly crawled to Jamie, and away from the water. All I could think was to get away from the hole, away from the ice. I didn't think I would survive. I just had to get Jamie off of the ice and into the grass.

After what felt like hours, I made it to the edge.

"Jamie." I started to shiver uncontrollably. My voice was a chatter with noise.

"Sister." I could see what I looked like in the reflection of his milky brown eyes. I looked terrible. Now I could feel pain. Hypothermia setting in. I didn't know what to do. I was too cold to move. I tried to stand up, only to find that I couldn't feel my legs.

"Jamie. Slap my legs. Warm them up. We've got to get you inside." I had barely a whisper. I was just trying to make him feel better. Iknew that it wouldn't help me.

"Me? You're worried about me? Dang, I wish you could see yourself right now." He obeys anyway, and when I can feel him touching me, I make my next move. Entire body shaking crazily, I slowly stand up, most of my weight on Jamie.

"I- I- I'm okay. L-l-l-lets go." We started to walk down the snow and ice covered mountain, towards home. I was trying my best to keep my breathing even and without chattering. Unfortunately, I don't think that I was doing to well.

"You're not tricking me." Jamie seemed to read right through me. I decided to try another trick. Considering that I wouldn't live anyway, I tried to put all of my weight on my legs. Not feeling any pain, I started to walk.

"See! I'm fine! You don't have to worry. I am going to be alright!" I tried to ignore the shivering in my voice and body. They seemed to be in synchronization. I found a steep spot on the hill. I was pretty sure that I was going to make it down. "Look at this!!!" I started to climb down, crawling, trying to hide my pain and discomfort. I feel the ice beneath me, and I no longer have control of my body. I went barreling down the hill, Jamie screaming after me. I knew that this was inevitable. I curled into a ball and waited for death to arrive. To come for me.

I opened my eyes, and saw a lake tumbling to me. Or me to it... Before I fell into another black hole, I had one last conscious thought.

"Maybe I'll see Jack. He died the same way last week. I hope that I'll find him." And then the cold shock hits me again, and I close my eyes.