Ghost of You

The Ghost of You - Chapter 8

Seeing as this was really going to be the first time Bender and I stayed in a place by ourselves, I figured I'd do something special and cook dinner. Plus, I had a few hours to kill, so why not? I chose spaghetti and meatballs and even managed to bake a cake and frost it all before he walked through the door at 5:05. Apparently, he sped home-wonder why? I smirked. When he came in, he shouted "Honey, I'm home," and sounded just like Ward Cleaver. I heard him go into the dining room and remark about how everything smelled good. "Well, good, because I can tell you that this is not an everyday thing, so don't start, GAH!"

Before I could finish my little entrance, which I had practiced, Bender had grabbed me and ran down the hall. "Bedroom," was all he said and I pointed at the guest bedroom.

We'd been back there for what felt like an eternity and it was absolutely blissful.

"Jesus," he breathed as he got up to grab his jacket off the floor. He looked around for some kind of makeshift ashtray and ended up going to the kitchen to grab a cup. When he came back in, he had grabbed my cigarettes too and as we lay there in post-coital bliss, dragging on our cigarettes, Bender looked to me and said, "Can we do that every day? Please?" I had to laugh and he turned onto his side to face me. "I mean it, Cupcake. I wanna do that with you every day for the rest of my life." When I saw the look on his face, I too shifted to my side. "What are you saying Bender? Are you like, proposing to me butt-ass naked in the guest room of our friend's place?" He pondered for a moment and laid back on his back. "It was a thought," he casually threw out there trying to change the subject.

"No, I mean really. Don't change the subject," I said in a stern tone. He sighed and said, "Now's a good a time as any, and that shit that went down with Andy and Allison got me thinking. Why not?"

As I lay there next to him, my mind began to race again. "Don't let that go, ok?" Allison's voice rang in my head as I watched the smoke from my cigarette make swirls in the ceiling, it's smell mingling with the smell of sex and sweat, a rather intoxicating aroma. I wasn't sure what the future held for me, or if it was even in Shermer still. Who knew how long I was gonna stick around after...

I didn't wanna think about it. I didn't wanna think about any of it right now.

"Well," Bender asked as he lightly drew circles on my lower abdomen. "Whatta you say? Wanna make an honest man outta me?" He smirked and I felt like I was the most evil bitch in the entire universe.

"Can I," I sighed, "can I think about it?" Bender sat up and looked as if I'd socked him in the face, hurt turning into defensive anger. "Bender, it's not you, ok, I want to be with you,"

"Then do it, Cupcake."

"Then what, Bender? What happens after-what happens when it's time for me to leave again?"

"So, don't leave." I scoffed at his words.

"I fucking hate Shermer, are you kidding me? Some of the absolute worst moments of my life took place here. I was bullied and teased for most of my life here. If it wasn't for Brian and Allison, I'd have had no fucking friends in high school AT ALL. You really think I like being here day in and day out with that daily reminder of how much I was disliked here?" Bender sat up and locked eyes with me.

"You're a fucking hypocrite," he shook his head and got up to start getting dressed.

"Excuse me," I asked incredulously.

"You heard me, you're a fucking hypocrite. You're sitting here tell me, 'Oh, I wanna get to know you, John, just you. I'm not like the other girls, trust me,' and telling me not to live in the past when, clearly, that's all you're doing."

"You don't know what kinda bullshit I went through in-"

"They teased you cause you were fat, right? Made fun of you cause you were poor? Is that it? That's all? Then you sit here and tell me how much you don't like being reminded of your past? Day in and day out, I go home to the same fucking house I've lived in since I was kid, you know, where my father would beat my mother, my siblings, and me? You really think I like that reminder every fucking day? What about the reminders I get daily whenever people find out who my Dad is, Cupcake, huh? Shit, when they hear my fucking name. HUH? So, excuse you? Excuse the fuck outta me. See, you don't know what kinda bullshit I went through in high school, and don't even pretend like you do, because you don't, Ok? You weren't there in my head when that fucking bitch of a Cherry made me, fucking John Bender, feel like a goddamn fool in front of the school." His face was beat red and his nostrils flared and I could feel my eyes fill with tears. "You have a mother and father who care for you and friends who didn't fucking abandon you and a man," and he stopped. There was a lump in my throat because I knew what was happening. I had seen him emotional but not to the brink of tears and he tried really hard to hold them back but I could see the drops escape as he stood there with his clothes in his hands. He finally looked away from me with a disgusted look on his face. "I can't even look at you," he said and I started to sob. I ran back into the bedroom to put on some clothes but by the time I came back into the living room, he was gone.

He was absolutely right. I was a hypocrite and an asshole and all I could do in that moment was collapse to the floor and cry. And then the phone rang,...and my world changed.