The Life of a Princess

Chapter 30 - Looking Through Tears

I hope you didn't think this story was over! There are at least five chappies left! XD

I didn't even explain anything to Riley. As soon as he stopped the car at my command, I sprinted out as fast as I could and into the woods. My breathing got ragged and my legs were begging for a relief, but I kept going. I had never, ever been so motivated to run before, and I surprised myself at how fast I was going.

After fifteen minutes I started walking instead, my thighs and calves still straining with effort at my fast pace. I opened Candice's diary again that I had been holding in my hand. It was more of a struggle to walk and read at them same time, but I still kept my pace up.

17 Aug 2013

I searched up signs of a suicidal person today. Turns out, yes I am one.

A change in the person's sleeping patterns? Haven't slept more than four hours straight for months.

A significant change in the person's appetite or weight? I've gone down 12 pounds in a month.

Withdrawal from family and friends? Haven't hung out with anyone other than when forced – like a family birthday. It's a miracle Hunter still can stand me.

Diminished ability to think or concentrate, slowed thinking or indecisiveness? I have failed three tests in two weeks.

20 Aug 2013

Maybe today will be better? I kinda feel it in me, that something good is about to happen – something big.

I agreed to come with Hunter to a party, and that's a step in the right direction, right? I'll have a good time, I'll make sure of it.

I turned the page but instead of finding another entry, a paper fell out and onto the ground, halting me in my tracks. I bent down and picked it up. With shaky fingers, I folded it out and took in the handwritten script.

20 Aug 2013

Dear Riley, Mom and Hunter.

First of all, if Riley sees this letter first, make sure it reaches Hunter to. Don't hold him out. I know you don't like him- wait that's not right. I know you hate him and I guess I'll have to accept that, but please do as I say now.

I would've written a separate letter to all of you, but time is running out...and I can't find more paper.

Riley, I love you. You're the best twin anyone could ever ask for. I'm sorry that I lied to you. But you don't even know that, or maybe you do now. You're downstairs, fighting with my boyfriend.

I am still doing drugs – or when you read this, I was doing drugs. I understand if you want to never hear of me again when you read this, but please hear my side of the story! Things have been rough the last half year. These thoughts have been circling around in my head like bees, stinging me and distracting me from everything else. It makes me hate myself that I can't chase them out in any other way, so don't go around thinking I did this to myself if I had another way out.

Mum, you never did me any harm. You raised me right, don't worry. This is not your work, it's mine. My mind is completely fucked up and I feel as if I can't do anything so it has come to this. I love you so much, but this world is better without me. Just wait and see. In a couple of years you'll thank me. You can afford something else since you didn't have to pay to get me into rehab or therapy. I'll be out of your hair – all free haha. Maybe you can get rid of that old, beaten Toyota and get that Range Rover you wanted – with a functioning air-conditioner.