Jesse's Girl

Chapter Five

   I wanted to hate him. I wished he would do something to make me hate him. It would be so much easier if he hated me. How could I be in love with his girl? I was trash; that’s what I was. I was planning to turn his fiancé’s heart away from him.

  He called me later that week, well after my lunch with Robyn, said he was worried Robyn wanted kids, even though she said she didn’t.

  You know what I said to him? “Well, you know, Jess. That’s what you do when you get married. You have kids. And they become your number one priority. If you don’t want kids, then maybe you should rethink this whole marriage thing.”

  He got upset with me after that. With a tired sigh, he asked, “What do you have against Robyn, Josh? What’s she ever done to you?”

  “I’ve got nothing against Robyn.” On the contrary, I’m in love with her. “I just don’t think you’re ready to be a daddy, you know?”

  And exactly what I hoped would happen happened. “You know what, Josh? I’d be a damn good father, and you know that.”

  “I know it.”

  “Who knows what’ll happen? If Robyn wants kids right away, so be it. I’ll warm up to it.”

  I laughed bitterly. “It’s a living being, Jesse! You can’t just warm up to it! You know damn well as soon as she’s pregnant, she’s gonna be in love with it. And if she sees you’re not, then you’re gonna have one pissed off hormonal wifey.”

  “Goddamn, Josh!” Jesse swore angrily.

  I swallowed the immediate apology. I had to do this. I wanted him to be mad at me. I wanted this to be easier. “Look, sorry for offending or whatever. I’m just trying to tell you the truth. That’s kinda what I’m here for, you know?”

  He calmed down after that; which I did not like. I wanted to piss him off again. It just wasn’t in me to insult them any more, though. Already I had this awful metallic taste in my mouth.

  I wanted to call Robyn right after I got off the phone with him, have her meet me somewhere so I could spill my guts to her. The wedding was coming up and I was running out of time.

  “Hey, loser!” my sister called, letting herself in. I really needed to start locking that door.

  She sat next to me on the love seat. “Whatchya watchin’?”

  “NCIS,” I mumbled.

  Liss glanced at the half empty beer bottle in my hand. “Rough day?”

  I gave her an annoyed glance. “What? I can’t drink a beer?”

  Liss shrugged. “You can do whatever you want; you’re over twenty-one. I just…” She bit her lip.

  I sighed. “What, Liss?”

  “What’s wrong?”

  I laughed without amusement. “Why d’you think anything’s wrong?”

  Liss nodded to the three empty beer bottles on the coffee table. “You’re not normally a big drinker, Josh. Only when you’re bothered by something.”

  “Liss,” I groaned. “I’m barely buzzed right now. You know it takes a lot heavier shit than this to get me drunk.” Though getting drunk wasn’t a bad idea.

  Liss held up her hands in surrender. “Okay, okay, Mr. Touchy. You gonna tell me or what?”

  I didn’t say anything.

  Liss gave a resigned sigh before turning the TV on.

  The silence stretched out between us, all but the damn TV.