Last Kiss (phanfic)

Chapter 10

"I'm sorry, so sorry
That I was such a fool
I didn't know
Love could be so cruel"

- I'm Sorry by Brenda Lee

~~

Everything after the crash was a blur. Dan could vaguely remember waking up in an ambulance, a pain in his right arm, and a worry in the back of his head. Then he blacked out again. Everything around him was dark and cold. He fell in and out of consciousness, only partly aware of what had happened to him. There were dreams, some he couldn't tell were real or not, most of them were about Phil. Back when they were happy... If there even was a happy.

"I love you so much." Phil panted, hips thrusting, his lips all down Dan's neck and shoulder.

"Not as much as I love you." Dan panted back.

Phil settled down next to Dan, both of them out of breath and sweaty. Phil wrapped his arm around Dan, Dan snuggled up against Phil's side and kissed his chest lightly. "You're the greatest thing that has ever happened to me." Phil whispered.

"God, you're cheesy." Dan chuckled.

"It's true though."

"It's the same for me, Philly." Dan smiled, sitting up a bit to kiss Phil's shoulder and lips. "You saved my life, you know that, right?"

"And you saved mine." Phil sat up a bit to press his lips against Dan's again, head tilting and their lips moved in sync.

That was the happier of the dreams, others were not as good.

"Phil, please come back! None of it was real, I'm sorry!"

"You kissed her, Dan! You told me you were gay but I saw you and Amy making out in the pub. What's wrong with you? I gave everything for you, Dan! I got a concussion because of you! And I'm going to die and it's all your fault! If you hadn't dragged me out of that house, I wouldn't be dying! No, if you didn't exist, I would be living a perfectly happy life!"

"Phil... You don't mean that."

"I do. I want you to move out and I never want to see your fucking face again, you understand? In fact, it would probably be best if you just killed yourself."

And then there was the worst one of all.

Phil was lying in his hospital bed one week after visiting the doctor, it was official, he was dying. The seizure was killing Phil, his brain wasn't able to handle all of the pain it went through. The bruises on his head were back, he was thinner than he had ever been and the bags under his eyes were dark and purple.

"None... of it was your... fault. I still love you." Phil whispered, weakly clinging to Dan's hand.

"It's all my fault, Philly. All my fault. I'm so sorry. I l-love you. I don't deserve you, but I love you."

Phil took his other hand and cupped Dan's cheek with it... Before it fell back to his bed and the beeping went flat, his heart had stopped. He was dead.

It felt like ages before Dan finally fell out of these dreams for good, eyes opening and only seeing white. For a moment he wondered if he was dead. Was this heaven? It wasn't like in books where you couldn't quite remember what had happened to get you here, he remembered clearly. And all that mattered to him was Phil.

Feeling confused and dazed, Dan looked around. This was all far too familiar to be heaven, he remembered being here once before. His heart sank. This meant that he wasn't dead with Phil, because most of him knew that Phil would be dead. But there was a tiny shred of hope that this wouldn't be true.