For The Love Of Niall: Niam

Chapter 11: Heart's Crooked Beat

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Was his feelings for Harry worth all of the fighting, sleepless nights, and stress? The very thing he was hoping wouldn't happen, did. Zayn lost Louis as one of his best mates; there was just no recovering from what had happened. None of the boys had ever gotten physical with one another before, unless it was playful - a pushing match or two. He punched him, punched the guy who had every reason to be upset with him; but maybe Louis had pushed it too far. A lot of private and secret discussions he and Zayn had were thrown back in the younger boy's face. All of his faults and insecurities thrown up in the air, making him feel like close to nothing. Yeah, Zayn had thought about leaving the band and, yeah, maybe he wasn't always the best boyfriend to Perrie, when they were together; however, he tried his best to move on from that and do better. He didn't want the bad boy image. He didn't want to be written up in the articles, talked down upon and belittled. He had a heart of gold, set on making himself and the people around him happy. No one seemed to take note to those sort of things. At least they wouldn't, as long as he was in the band. Maybe he overstayed his welcome and had achieved as much as he could. He wanted out.

It took a lot of convincing and a small lie, but Zayn was able to talk Paul and Pierre into driving him to the airport. He said there had been some stressful things going on - not going too much into detail - and that he wanted to spend the remainder of his vacation back in London, or at least at his parents' home back in Bradford. True, but not entirely. He hadn't planned on regrouping with the boys, once they all got back. He hadn't planned on dealing with management and their foolish attempts at making him stay. If matters were put in the courts' hands, he would be willing to fight his case; but, all in all, he was done being a member of One Direction. He just wanted to be Zayn and he was even willing to take in the advice that Liam and Niall gave him about moving on and finding someone else. He thought it would probably be a lot easier to date someone outside the industry and be able to focus on himself, as well as his relationship, whether it was a guy or girl. Financial wise, he had enough saved up to last him for a while, but he knew that he would have to get an ordinary job, at some point. Anything would be better than working, on a daily basis, with guys who only cared about him when it was convenient for them. Well, not all of them. He knew Niall and Liam loved him with every ounce they had to give.

That was one thing that hurt him the most. He didn't bother to say goodbye to them. He left before dawn and sat inside the airport for hours, awaiting his flight. He was still there, bundled up, keeping warm on the lobby seat with a magazine in his hand. His luggage was kept by his side, nothing but time and crushed hopes, dreams, and a heart. It was a hasty decision and he hadn't thought much about the jeopardy it would put his friends in - that is, if he could even call them that anymore. He just went with what felt right and what he knew would be best for him and probably the rest of the band. He enjoyed singing and performing, a lot; however, he wasn't much for the publicity, the long days full of obligations, the endless phone calls and emails from their management team, telling them to do this and not to do that. It was hard dealing with all of that, whilst trying to contain the stress he had built up from falling for Harry. It was draining, he never really had much time to sit down, think about anything, and just reflect. There were several faces in his face and several voices in his ear, from the moment he woke up to the moment he went to bed. Where was the 'pause' button? When were things going to slow down and get easier? When was all the excruciating pain going to pay off?

But, truth be told, Zayn sat there in hopes that Harry would show up and beg him to stay. He couldn't stop himself from looking towards the entrance every other minute, hoping to see the curly-haired lad sprinting towards him. Zayn was starting to believe he was a fool for such wishful thinking. After all, it was Niall and Liam who held him, while he cried on the porch. It was Niall and Liam who slept in Zayn's king size bed that night, with him. Harry hadn't shown his face much and neither did Louis. The house had remained quiet as a mouse, except for the small chatter and giggles coming from Niall and Liam. Zayn couldn't stop the tears that were on the verge of spilling upon his cheek. He was a hopeless romantic, but the fairy-tale life should have best been keep in the books. He heard the announcement over the intercom and his flight was set to take off soon. Zayn stood up, tossed the magazine back on the small table nearby, then grabbed the handles for his luggage. The luggage-wheels glided across the tile floor and soon the plane would be taking off faster than Harry's feet could carry him. The curly-haired lad wasn't too far away, running through the traffic he managed to get stuck in, on his way to see his new-found lover.