I'm not scared of him, i'm scared of him not wanting me, i'm scared that there will be a day that he doesn't want to hold me anymore. That there will be a day where he rather put himself around someone else other than me-and I know I sound crazy and I shouldn't stress about this and it's kind of stupid to stress over because it's not like he doesn't care about me and it's not like he seems like he doesn't like me anymore. I just don't want those thoughts of him thinking maybe i'm not for him and maybe he doesn't want the relationship with me, I wouldn't stop him from leaving because I want him to be happy even if that happiness is without me. It's not like I would leave what we had angrily, or unhappily because he has given me forever in a short amount of time.
I'm not used to life being stressful sometimes, i'm not used to it being handled in the way he does, he handles it calmly and smartly. Its soothing honestly, to know that he could be stressing so much and have so much on his mind and yet he still makes time for me; to listen to my problems. He's the most beautiful human being anyone could meet in my opinion.
I came from a relationship where my stress meant I was insane, if he got mad I was a punching bag, if he got stressed I was a punching bag. I had to worry while with him because at the end of the day I wasn't the only one being told he loved. It's scary to hear that, my biggest fear is being left with nothing at the end of something especially if all that's left is bad memories. It's terrifying, I just want him to understand that's why I stress over him leaving, and that's why I always pull my head up from my chest and ask if you're okay or happy because I want you to want me because I have never felt more connected to anyone else.
