Cherish [GirlxGirl]

Chapter 4

My buzzer went off for a third time. Whoever was out there was impatient and getting on my nerves with it.

"What?" I snapped as I snatched the door open. Her hand was over the buzzer, preparing to press it a fourth time.

"You're home, great!" She was smiling at me. Smiling like she hadn't just been laying on my buzzer like a fucking child playing at their neighbour's front door.

I didn't smile back. Although realising who was at the front door had taken some of my ire, it was replaced with tension. Something new for us. I'd always felt comfortable with Cherish but in that moment being in close proximity to her again...

After opening the door I walked right back to the kitchen, avoiding eye contact with her as much as I could.

I asked. "Want anything to drink?"

She was shaking her head as she stopped at the edge of the kitchen counter. "No I'm good. I came here to talk."

"Oh," I paused in front of the refrigerator. "About Saturday?"

"Yeah," the word came out on a heavy breath.

"It was weird I know, but it was an accident. Shit happens."

She didn't move or say anything for a few seconds. I couldn't move. I thought back on the Saturday night. The lime we'd gone to was okay for about an hour, that was until I got too sleepy and cranky and started making it clear I wanted to go home. It was a few minutes after two a.m. when we got to our apartment building. As usual Cherish walked me to my door; thanked me again for going with her, and leaned in to hug me. As she turned her head down to kiss my cheek I turned at the most inopportune moment and our lips touched. It was more than just lips innocently brushing against each other even though it lasted no more than a second. The contact had been enough to leave a lasting impression and a surprising desire for more.

I apologised profusely, my thumb on my lip marking the point of contact. I couldn't think of a clear reason why I had turned. Her actions were nothing abnormal. She had done the same thing for longer than I could remember. Our routine; walk me to my door, hug me, kiss my cheek and whisper sweet dreams in my ear. It was semi-seductive although I didn't think she ever meant it to be. I had questioned myself repeatedly about it, wondering if I'd meant to do it, meant for her to kiss me. If in some way I had hoped for the contact and that was why I turned my head.

"That's not what I wanted to talk about." She said eventually.

"Oh, sorry." I opened the door finally and removed the leftovers from the day before. "What was it then?"

"I don't know. You know I think too much about things. Always but...ummm. I enjoyed it. Well not it because there wasn't much of an it to enjoy but I did, I mean do want to, y'know?"

I chuckled softly as she rambled through her thoughts. "I actually have no idea."

She dragged her hand roughly across her hanging dreadlocks, sweeping them back from her face. "Fuck it! I'm trying to say you don't need to apologise for the...for what happened because I didn't mind it. That's what I wanted to talk about. The fact that I didn't mind it and that since the night Lisa and I broke up I've been feeling differently about you."

I rested my hands against the counter, head bowed, bracing for what she might say next.

"I don't have an explanation for it yet but I've been thinking about it for days. I've been thinking about you for days."

I raised a hand to stop her not wanting to hear anymore. My attraction to Cherish was obvious; had been obvious for years; it had been built up and changed and grown over the years. I managed it well and kept it submerged within my love for her as a friend. But hers...we had never spoken of it. Based on her behaviour I couldn't imagine it ever existed...but suddenly it was the only thing on her mind.

"You've been single nearly a week. I think you're still just hurting from what Lisa did and looking for somewhere to lay all those feelings."

"You're not somewhere to lay my damn feelings Naimah. Granted, I don't yet understand what's going on in my head but I...I wanted to kiss you. I knew what happened wasn't intentional on your part but afterwards I wanted it to be. As in maybe that was supposed to be our moment."

"Yet still you didn't do anything. You just said goodnight, turned and went upstairs as though nothing happened."

"You're right. I did because I needed to think about it. To ruminate for a bit. Answer some questions for myself."

"Well did you get your answers?" I asked incredulously.

"No cuz I still haven't kissed you. I realised the only way for me to to settle this in my mind is to go ahead and do it."

"You're not making any sense. You didn't kiss me because you needed to make sense of shit but you need to kiss me to make sense of shit."

She looked nervous and I felt bad. I knew there were moments where I could be harsher than I needed to be.

"I told you I'm still trying to make sense of what's going on in my head."

"Okay." I stood upright, arms folded under my breasts. "Do it then. Kiss me, get your answers and see that you're just confusing the fact that I've been there for you with legitimate feelings."

She didn't move from her position at the end of the counter; something I'd expected. She was all confidence until challenged.

"No, nothing?" I asked. I was simultaneously relieved and annoyed.

"There's nothing romantic about it. This moment means nothing if you're standing there like you're waiting for an attack."

I dropped my hands to my side. "I don't see why you need romance to satisfy curiosity."

"You don't see the need for romance, ever."

"Contrary to what you think, Cherish, I do enjoy being romanced and romantic gestures. I just think some things in life can happen without all the pomp and flair. Like right now. You can either do it or not do it. I'm standing right here. I'm not stopping you or going to stop you. So do it and let me go back to my leftovers and my TV."

"Must you always be so brash?"

"Stop stalling and do what you came down here to do."

She still didn't move and I was becoming impatient. The conversation was frustrating, her shyness was infuriating and the reality was that my own curiosity was begging for its own satisfaction. I went to her quickly, held her face with both my hands and pressed my lips against hers. They were soft and moist as they had always been when she kissed my forehead or cheek, just as they had been a few days ago but they felt so much different against mine. I meant to pull away immediately, I half expected her to do the same but neither of us moved. Neither of us stopped. Her soft lips moved against mine, caressing them, slowly coaxing them apart.

That was not in my plan. It was supposed to feel dirty, it was supposed to feel wrong, we were supposed to push each other away quickly in disgust. But there were no alarm bells going off in my mind. There was not even the slightest feeling of being wrong. There was just the gentle caress of her mouth on mine, the tickle of her locs against my cheek, the taste of coffee as she took my tongue into her mouth. Her hands in the small of my back as she pulled me against her.

"What are we doing?" I asked softly. My hands still held her face.

"I don't know." She answered. "Satisfying curiosity?"