The Whisper Seekers

Rumor Mill

I had to beg my mom to let me stay home from school. I faked a stomach bug that kept me in bed all day Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. But by Wednesday morning, she was done with the act. I'd managed to sneak into my room and shower before she found me to ask about boating on Saturday. I dodged the conversation by saying I was sun-beat and needed sleep. There was no way I could tell her Derek and I broke up, at least, not without explaining why. And there was definitely no way I was going to admit we were drunk and half-naked in his room when he pushed things too far. I needed time to come up with something believable, because eventually, I'd have to explain the breakup to more than just her.

When I wasn't ready to face anyone on Sunday, I used my sunburn to help fake the flushed face. She bought the bug story until today.

"Ellie, you've missed enough classes with what I assume is senioritis," she says, sitting on the edge of my bed. I'm curled up under the comforter, facing away from her, hiding my face. "You're going to fall behind, and you can't afford to fail any classes. I don't know what's going on with you, but you have to go to school. I'll be back up here in a half-hour and you'd better be ready, or I'm dragging you to school in what you're wearing."

She leaves my room, closing the door behind her, but I stay curled up in bed, annoyed that I have to face the music. My phone hasn't stopped buzzing for days from the calls and texts from Liam, Harper, and Derek. Eventually, I had to turn it off. Derek must've left at least fifteen messages, begging me to forgive him, pleading for another chance, blaming the alcohol for what he did. I turned off my read receipts, so he wouldn't know if I was seeing his apologies. By the time he hit message twenty, the tone shifted. He was angry, and now better off without me.

Harper wanted to know why I came looking for her, and Liam just wanted a chance to explain himself. The more I thought about it, the more irritated I got. Liam clearly had a working phone. He just chose not to use it for the two days before we went boating. Lily told Harper I'd taken a bad fall on the boat, so Harper assumed I was just recovering. I didn't correct her. Liam tried coming over yesterday after school, but my mom told him I wasn't allowed to have visitors. Everyone keeps trying to talk to me, but I'm not ready to talk to anyone. I'm still trying to process what happened, and I don't want anyone's take on it.

Harper would probably say it was about time I slept with Derek anyway, so why did I freak out when the opportunity finally came? I can't admit to her that my heart hasn't been into Derek since Liam kissed me. 

I keep lying around, debating whether to drag myself to school in sweatpants and a ponytail, but then I decide to do the opposite. If I have to face Liam and Derek, I might as well remind them of what they lost out on.

All I could think about the past three days was how I put up with Derek's shit for way too long and I let so many things slide to stay relevant in the social hierarchy. Did I actually love Derek? Or did I love being associated with Derek? I had what every other girl wanted, but where did that get me? I could have cheated off him without sitting next to him and I am beyond grateful I didn't give him my virginity. 

I'm fully aware that Aaron is into me despite being Derek's best friend, Jake Paulson has liked almost every single story I post on Instagram since last summer and I had four people ask me to homecoming my sophomore year. I am a hot commodity. I don't need Derek. Coming back to school single will definitely create some buzz. 

I slip on my favorite jean skirt, the one that shows off my legs, and pair it with a white crop top that hits right at my waist, just safe enough to skirt the dress code. I straighten my hair, smooth out the frizz, and layer on lip gloss until my lips shine. I step into my wedges and spritz on perfume just as my mom walks back in to check on me.