The Whisper Seekers

Nothing to Hide

I pull out a pen from my purse and scribble the word dog on a paper napkin. I hand the napkin to Liam and ask him what it says.

"It says dog," he answers as he looks up at me and I ask him to look again. "Now it says... cat... how'd you do that?" He asks, stunned as he slides the napkin over to me.

"I make you think you're seeing the word cat. It's like an illusion I create in your mind. The word dog is actually on the napkin, but I somehow make your brain see otherwise. I don't know how I do it, and honestly, it only started a couple of years ago." I slump back into the booth, and his silence urges me to keep going.

"I was arguing with my mom one night. She said I'd left a note saying I'd be home from a movie by eight. My phone had been stolen, whole long story, and I hadn't gotten a replacement yet, so I never checked in. I told her the note said ten, not eight, and that I was home when I said I would be. She grabbed the note from the fridge before I could tear it up. She looked at it, then back at me, and said she was wrong, that it did say ten.

I was stunned. When I looked at it again, it clearly said eight. I asked her to look again, but she just rolled her eyes and told me to stop being a smartass and go upstairs." I shrug. "Since then, I've been slowly figuring out how to control it."

Molly returns just as I finish my story, setting our drinks down. We order quickly, and I can't wait for her to leave. She lingers, trying to make small talk with Liam, but thankfully, another table calls her over, and she finally walks away.

I take a sip of my iced tea while Liam sits with his arms crossed. I push my drink aside, ready to finally answer his first question.

"Most things in my life are my manipulations. After I realized I could manipulate what was put on paper, I changed all the votes to my name when people were tallying them. I did that with cheerleading, student council, and homecoming votes. Harper would have been homecoming queen our junior year if I hadn't changed the votes. I wouldn't be on the honor roll if it weren't for Derek and I wouldn't even be on the cheer team if Lily hadn't begged me to try out with her our freshman year. I even changed the scorecards so I would be guaranteed a spot on the squad." I point to him and add, "But I have never once manipulated Derek. He asked me out all on his own." 

I've never told anyone this before, and as Liam stares at me, I keep my eyes fixed on the table. Saying it out loud feels like exposing something rotten at my core. Shame creeps in, thick and unshakable. For the first time, I feel like a devious monster... only I hadn't realized I'd been creating one.

I finally muster the courage to meet his eyes and, with a quiet edge to my voice, say, "And then you come along and challenge everything, make me feel awful for the things I've done. Have you really never done anything with your talents that you're not proud of?"

Liam shakes his head.

"Derek loves the person you've created. You have manipulated Derek by making him think you really are this person you put out there. And you are proud, Ellie. You are exactly where you want to be and know exactly where you're going, but do you know who you really are?"

"Well, what do you want, Liam? What's important to you?" I ask, unsure I'd even know how to answer that question myself.

Our eyes lock, and for a moment, the noise of the restaurant seems to fade into the background. He reaches across the table and gently takes my hand. I hesitate, but eventually let mine fall into his, surprised by how natural it feels.

I glance down at our entwined fingers. His skin is soft, but I notice a few rough calluses on his palms, tiny imperfections that make him seem more real. His nails are trimmed neatly, and a sleek, expensive watch wraps his wrist. I don't know how he makes me feel so at ease, he's barely more than a stranger. I wonder if his calming presence is actually a talent.