The Whisper Seekers

Mother Approved

I don't remember falling asleep, but the light peeking through my bedroom window wakes me. Liam's arm is still wrapped around me and I am surprised my mom never told him to leave. We are, however, both fully clothed and above the covers so maybe she wasn't worried.

I slip out from under his arm and leave him looking peaceful in my bed. I grab a change of clothes from my closet and trudge over to the bathroom. I run the water and then let myself soak in a nice hot shower.

There's something about being in the shower that always clears my head. I stand under the hot water, thinking, really thinking, about my life and everyone in it. I'm not entirely sure where I stand with Harper right now. What Lily and I went through yesterday was life-changing, even traumatic, but I'm still with Liam. And I don't know how far Harper's forgiveness actually stretches.

It's strange the way I feel about someone I've only known for a month. The connection is real and it's almost unsettling in how natural it feels. There's a pull he has on me that I can't explain without sounding overdramatic. It's like I've found both a protector and a confidant in him. I know I'm smiling like an idiot just thinking about him, but that's the beauty of the shower. No one can see me, and no one can hear my thoughts.

But then I remember Liam's words about the "dirts and tory bullshit," and disappointment washes over me. My behavior over the past three years has been shameful. I've never actively participated in the bullying, but I've never done anything to stop it either. I've heard Harper rip apart girls who don't wear designer labels. I've seen Lily judge people just for their weight. I remember sitting in the car while Derek, Mike, and Aaron egged the house of a kid who beat Derek in the science egg drop contest. I've heard Derek call other kids "dirt" more times than I can count. I went along with it to keep the peace. And every time someone called me a "tory," I just brushed it off. It didn't hurt me. Not really. Not like it must have hurt others.

But now, I'm starting to understand. I've never been pushed so far that I wanted to hurt someone. I wonder how far Ian, Elijah, and Marissa were pushed.

When my fingers are pruned and the bathroom feels more like a sauna than a place to think, I finally shut off the water. I dry off and slowly pull on a pair of fresh sweatpants and an old t-shirt. Everything feels soft and quiet. I wander back into my room, half-expecting to find Liam still curled up on my bed, but he's gone.

There's a note waiting on my pillow: Had to dash. Didn't mean to stay over. Apologize to your mom for me. Can't wait to see you tonight.

I stare at the words for a moment before letting the paper fall back onto my bed. Of course he snuck out, probably making sure my mom wouldn't see him. 

I trot downstairs and find both my parents on the couch, my mom's feet propped up on my dad's lap. They look relaxed, like it's any other morning. Neither of them mentions the unexpected guest who stayed over last night, so I don't bring it up either.

I drop down next to my dad and he wraps an arm around me in a casual side hug. It's then that I notice his iPad is missing from the table—only the newspaper sits there, unfolded, staring up at me.

Right on the front page is Ian's school photo. To the left of it are more familiar faces, everyone involved. My photo is wedged between Harper and Lily's, and I already know Harper's going to throw a fit. Not because she wasn't even in the locker room that day, but because her picture is, admittedly, terrible.

The headline reads: "A Bullied Student Attempts To Get His Revenge."

The article dives into Ian's past—what he endured, what he planned. It outlines his plot to bring a gun to school and target his bullies. I'm shocked that it mentions how I was mistaken for another girl involved in the incident and how I was instrumental in keeping everyone in the locker room safe. Someone must have told them that I was the one who threatened Ian with Marissa's gun. My future may have been saved with that one line.