The Whisper Seekers

In Their Heads

I think I just rolled my eyes so hard that I may have seen my brain.

This is a frequent occurrence when I'm forced to listen to my friends' fake niceness like I am doing now. I'm standing in a dressing room up to my ears in silk and sequins listening to my friends gush about homecoming dresses. So far, it's been all smiles and compliments accompanied by oohs and ahhs, but in girl talk that translates to, "Her boobs are falling out, she looks better than me and her muffin top looks more like a pound cake in that one." Highland Park's homecoming dance is still more than a month away, but we wanted the best selection of dresses.

This past week, I have had to listen to my friends Lily and Harper, obsess over everything homecoming-related, just as they do every year. This is our fifth store in the biggest mall in Dallas and so far, we have not had any luck finding the perfect dresses. We all come out of the fitting room to show each other our next pick and I'm ready for the fake compliments to come spilling out.

"That really accentuates your hips, Lily, it looks amazing on you!" Harper gushes while gazing at Lily's skintight teal sequin dress that brings out her wide blue eyes. She actually looks skinny in that one is what Harper's really thinking. And Lily quickly moves the focus from her to me. "Okay Ellie, that is the best one. I know I said that about the navy blue one and the short pink crop top one, but I really like that one," she says as she stares at the glittering black mini dress I've shimmied my way into.

We all stand in the three-way mirror in silence, turning from side to side to get the full look of the dresses and, to be honest, checking out how good our asses look. As I am trying to imagine the night of the dance in this almost perfect dress, all I can hear is an abundance of whispers interrupting my moment. I'm listening to Lily and Harper's mental notes of the pros and cons of each dress they've tried on. I'm not assuming or guessing what they are thinking. I actually know what they are saying to themselves and their thoughts overwhelm me. I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes for a second.

"Another migraine Ellie?" Lily asks with a concerned expression taking over her soft face. I shake my head and pop my eyes open.

"I'm fine," I say as I wave off her worried tone. Harper and Lily give each other a knowing look at my snappy tone. I have told my best friends that I suffer from severe migraines and my reaction to one coming on is pinching my nose. That is only one of the many lies I have told to cover up my strange condition. It would be easier to actually have these migraines. I have even said I have constant ear infections that make me temporarily deaf just to regain my focus and separate my own thoughts. My friends think I should be walking around in a permanent bubble when instead, I am actually a walking phenomenon that should be a science experiment.

The truth is I can't turn off my ability to read minds. I wish I could say that I have a natural ability to read people's body language or that I am just really good at sensing people's moods, but the fact remains: I can literally hear people's thoughts. I call them whispers because they are hardly louder than one. I can usually separate the whispers and pin them to who they belong to, but sometimes I hear too many at once and have no clue. Neither my friends nor anyone else has any idea of my ability and I have learned after numerous eye rolls and therapy sessions that it is best to keep it that way.

I realize I have been quiet for too long and knowing mother hen Lily, I know I need to change the subject back to the dresses.

"I think that sequin style has looked the best on you, Lily. The teal really brings out your blue eyes," I tell her honestly as we stand and stare. Lily twists up her long golden hair and turns to check out her lower half again. She glances at the price tag and I hear her mentally note the cost. Harper is focused on herself now and cocks her head to the side to admire the short red, mini-dress she has on. She plays with the crisscrossing straps and uses her palm to smooth down the silky fabric that sits over her toned stomach. Harper is one of the few girls I know who can pull off that bright of a red against her fair skin tone. Her reddish-chestnut hair and bright hazel eyes practically go with everything she slips on and she never fails to let us know it either.

"I'm getting this one. My boobs have never looked better in a dress and I'll just throw on some simple earrings. Done," Harper says while pushing the door of her fitting room open. Lily turns from the mirror and stuffs herself back into her packed room. I hear the zipper of her dress as she shouts over the cracked door, "Okay Ellie, what about you? You haven't seemed overly thrilled about anything you've tried on." Even though you can buy a plastic bag, tape some flowers on it, and still look better than anyone there. I grin and stare at myself in the yellow silk while listening to her jealous thoughts. I eyed the dress from the store window as we passed the display and knew it was the one I was going to want. The glittery straps caught my attention and I knew the open back would flatter my tiny figure.

"I'm getting the one I have on, I'm over it. Let's go," I say nonchalantly and slip the dress back onto the hanger. I hear both Lily and Harper's, Thank God!

Based on previous thoughts, I know that Harper is jealous that I can scarf down endless amounts of junk food and calorie-loaded snacks while remaining a size two with no post-guilt workouts- unlike Harper who lost a considerable amount of weight over the summer right before our freshman year. She is now super health-conscious, obsessed over every calorie and bite she eats and it drives Lily and me crazy. She secretly competes with me on everything from test scores to who learns the dance moves faster at cheer practice and because I know how annoyingly competitive she is, I purposely try and beat her at everything. I find an odd satisfaction in dominating in all things.

Lily, on the other hand, hates that I decided to dye my mousy brown hair golden blonde like hers last spring. Otherwise, she hardly has any bad thoughts about anyone but herself. She feels like she has a hard time keeping up with us when it comes to our spending allowances after her dad lost his job a few months back. Both Harper and I always subtly offer to pick up her mocha or pitch for gas when she drives us around, but she never accepts it- she never wants to feel like she isn't equal to us.

Despite their occasional jealousy, both Harper and Lily are loyal, trustworthy friends and our bond has only grown since our mothers put us in etiquette classes when we were in the eighth grade. We had all gone to different middle schools, so we couldn't wait to all be together once we started high school.

I think back to the dance and homecoming week and know the madness is just starting. I leave the dressing room feeling a sense of accomplishment and head for the register where Harper and Lily are lingering. Lily is already debating buying the flattering teal dress because she is afraid of her mother's reaction once she learns Lily spent over her given limit. She decides she feels too guilty and stuffs her dress back on the nearest rack while lying and saying, "I actually don't really like the color." Lily plays it off but I shoot Harper a knowing look. I hand the salesman my dress, trying to contain my excitement over my latest purchase for Lily's sake.

"Your total comes to $481.97," the clerk says as her eyes give me the once over. Her thoughts have come to the conclusion that I can afford the dress based solely on my appearance and handing her my mom's thick black Amex confirms her suspicions. She puts the dress in a garment bag and doesn't say anything else to us, but her thoughts wish that instead of having a part-time job at a retail store, she'd rather have been born into money like the three of us were. I flip the garment bag over my shoulder and wait for Harper to finish with her purchase. Lily mentions checking out some other department store inside the mall and we head out on a mission to find the final dress.