To Write Love on His Arms (a Larry Stylinson fanfic)

Chapter Fifteen

After finding out that I haven't told Louis about my past, my mother left my hospital room demanding I tell him. I know I am nineteen and could easily ignore my mothers request, but I know that this is the right thing to do. After all Louis is the love of my life. He deserves to know even the darkest secrets of mine.

Since my mother left, Louis has remained still at the end of the hospital bed staring at me, ready for what I need to tell him. The thing is I don't know how to exactly explain to him that I have been locked up in a mental institution. It's not exactly a common thing to be told. So we sit in silence for what seems like forever, before I am able to come up with an explanation that hopefully won't scare him away from me.

"Louis, what I need to tell you may or may not make you view me differently. I am not proud of my past, but I need to let you know this about me" I say shifting around on the bed, so I am now sitting with my legs crossed on the bed.

Louis hesitantly moves up closer to me, never breaking eye contact though.

"Haz, please just tell me" Louis pleas to me with tears rolling down his eyes. In all of our time together I have never seen him shed so many tears in one day. Not even the day that he was assigned to be with Eleanor did he cry this much in front of me. He has always kept his emotions to himself, well until now.

"Lou, you sure you want to know?" I ask hesitantly. He nods his head in response. I take a deep breath before continuing the conversation.

"Okay so, five years ago I was experiencing some real bad problems that messed me up big time. I was in a real dark place during that time, which led me to do things. I became depressed, suffered from real bad problems with anxiety, and because of those I started cutting" I stop there to regain some more strength to continue on.

"Is there more?" Louis asks with his voice shaky. I nod my head to him before I continue on.

"My issues that I suffered with became so bad that during the summer of 2008, I-I... Well I was sent to spend time at a mental hospital. It was a six week stay in which I was highly monitored. I was not allowed to have contact with the outside world, and I was really stripped of who I was. It was one of the worst and best times of my life. It was the worst in the sense of being alone with no one allowed to contact me. However, it was the best because I got better. No one besides my mum and my sister knew about my stay there for the last five years, and now you know". As I finish my little speech, I look up to see Louis's face wet from tears and displaying a shocked facial expression.

I knew this was probably a bad idea to tell him. A secret like that should have just been kept like what it was, a secret. He probably doesn't even know what to do with me anymore. It's not like I am a normal guy anymore to Louis, I am a freak with a messed up past.

Breaking me from my thoughts are Louis's arms wrapping tightly around me.

"Harry why did you keep that from me?" he asks as he is still wrapped around me with his voice muffled by my shirt.

It takes me a second to respond to his question, because I am trying to enjoy this hug after days of being unable to touch him due to our fight. Once I am satisfied enough, I mutter a response out of me.

"Well I thought that you would have viewed me as a freak. It's not everyday you meet someone that has had to spend time at a mental hospital".

"You're not a freak Harry".

"Lou, I had to spend time at a place where people that have major mental disorders such as schizophrenia and PTSD go to get help. I saw people get put in straight jackets each day because of those disorders. I was scared to hell and back one night because a kid my age had to be sedated for lashing out at a doctor. Face it, I am a freak".

"No Harry your not a freak, you went to a place to get help. You got better" Louis says as he pulls away from the hug.

"Yeah that's the thing, I got better. But, I fell apart again. It was me of my worst fears to ever fall apart like this again, but I guess you can't keep things like this from happening again" I say. This whole conversation is awkward for me because I just wish I could have kept all of it to myself and never let it be brought up again. But, this is what I get for going back to my old ways.

"That's why I don't get why you didn't tell me about this before. I mean the fight we had might have never happened if I knew" Louis says looking at me.

"So if I had told you sooner, you would have treated me differently than you did?" I ask sounding somewhat pissed off, hoping this isn't going where I think it is. One of the other reasons I never let this secret out, is I didn't want people to treat me differently.

"Haz, if I had known I would have probably been easier on you. I never wanted you to end up like this" Louis responds to me backing away from me.

"Well we can't go back in time" I say to him.

The room fall silent once again today. Louis shifts around at the end of the bed, and I just try to stay still and calm myself down before I end up having an anxiety attack. But, during the time the room is silent, I look around and see a figure at the doorway. Before I can even ask Louis if he had seen it the figure takes off. Leaving me wondering if whoever that was heard about my secret, the secret that if I got out could just ruin my career forever.