To Write Love on His Arms (a Larry Stylinson fanfic)

Chapter Twenty-One

"PLEASE HARRY! C'MON IT'S JUST ME, PLEASE!" I hear Louis scream with so much pain and worry filling his voice.

I stand still with the bottle of bleach still in my hand. With one slip of the wrist I could pretty much end my life by pouring the liquid down my throat. But, something inside of me keeps my wrist still, as if there is still a small glimmer of hope for me.

"Hazza, please if you are here come out please. Let me know you are alright, I'll help you through this just please please please. Fucking please just show me you, my love, is still alive" I hear Louis say, with each word fading as his sobs try to consume them.

A noise sliding down the wall, and a plop on the floor is enough indication that Louis is out there, sitting on the floor. Sobs become audible enough for the whole floor to hear.

It breaks my heart to hear him like this. Hear him crying over me, sad pathetic me. The one that has caused nothing but problems to occur to all of the people I love, for my whole life. He is crying over the thought of losing me.

Typically a person would be happy to know that at least one person would miss if they thought they had lost you. But, having Louis cry over thinking he lost me, just makes me more depressed than I actually am. My life isn't suppose to be this way, with people actually caring about me. With all the problems I have put my family and friends though, I belong in a casket six feet under. I belong far away from them, where I can't hurt them anymore.

"There you are Lou" I hear a voice say, placing it to be Zayn's. I hear him slide down the wall, sitting in the same vicinity as Louis. He lets out a loud sigh, a thing he does when he is in a stressful situation and is unable to get his hands on a smoke.

"Did you see him?" Louis asks with his voice shaky, with what sounds like just barely a thread of hope left.

"Louis, we'll find him don't worry, okay? You have nothing to be scared off" Zayn says, sugar coating a simple 'no I haven't seen him'.

That's one thing I will never understand about mankind, we always try to make everything sound like it will be okay. What if I was really dead? Wouldn't Zayn just be making everything worse? Yeah sugar coating things makes everyone try to see the optimism in everything, and maybe that's why I hate it so much.

"Zayn, as much as I want to believe you, I know Harry. I know what he is a capable of doing when he is alone. Do you not think I didn't realize for all the time we have been together, how fragile he really is. Harry is only, or was only, nineteen years old. But, when he really look into his eyes, you see a small child scared of the world around him. I use to try to think of new ways each and everyday, on how to show him I love him. He means so much to me. Zayn, he's my best friend, my other half, my lover, the man of my dreams. Of all the people in the world he chose me to be with, when he could be fucking a girl next door. But no, he chose me. That's why I know as we speak, he is probably contemplating his death. When the two of us fucked for the first time, and he topped. That next morning, you remember how none of us could find him for hours? It was because he was scared I was going to dump him. He was crying that whole time in the park! So as much as I want to think he is okay, I know for a fact that my fucking Harry is embarrassed, scared, and hurt beyond the point of belief" Louis says to Zayn in a voice I have never really heard him speak in. Louis is typically never one to be scared of any situation, he tries to keep all of us happy. But for once he is letting his walls crumple down from around him, leaving him exposed to the whole world.

The hallway falls silent for a few minutes, until a phone goes off. Zayn picks it up, and says a series of 'yeah' and 'okay' before hanging up.

"That was Paul. He told me to go meet him in the lobby, you are suppose to come with me. We are going to head over to headquarters for a meeting" Zayn says as he stands up.

"Screw Modest, I'm not going anywhere. I know Harry is still here, I can feel it. I will not leave without him, because unlike you, I actually have a relationship that is very fragile. I hope you and Liam never have to go through this shit, never have to pray that the other is still fucking alive at this very moment. Harry is my everything, and I'll be damned if I leave this fucking hotel without him!" Louis screams at Zayn.

My eyes bulge out as I hear Louis actually say he is praying that I am alive. Never once in my life has anyone ever truly wanted me alive, yeah sure my mom and sister want me alive but they don't count. Everyone else in the world has always just turned on me, not caring what I do. I could stick a grenade up my ass and blow up in front of a whole stadium of people, and all that would earn me a front page story and a very destroyed ass. But, for once I can truly tell that he really does care. I know Louis loves me, but I never took the time to realize that he needs me as much as I need him. The two of us rely on each other so much it's sick.

"Louis you're just going to make everything worse for you" Zayn says getting agitated.

"I am not leaving Harry alone, I'll stay here until I'm old enough my dick can't even get hard anymore without Viagra if I have to. I'm not lea...". I cut off Louis's short rant, when I open the door to the housekeeping closet.

I run over to him and fall to the floor wrapping my arms around him. He is what I need most right now, and nothing will take us apart. Tears roll down my face, realizing for once in my life that all I have ever needed was to actually truly open my eyes for once. All this time I cut, I was being selfish. My life is a mess, but no matter how bad it's gotten Louis has always been by my side to help me. I may have kept my secret from him for the last three years, but now I realize how foolish that was. Louis cares about me, he fucking cares. So as I kneel here, crying into his shoulder like a little baby who just got hurt on the playground, I know he is what I've always needed. He is my guardian angel, despite the fact that he is alive. Fate gave me him for a reason, and I understand what it is now. My life was a mess before him, and being with him has given me a whole new view on life, he's given me a reason to want to live.

"I love you Louis" I say in between sobs as I bury my head into his neck.

A couple of people walk past us three in the hallway, in which Zayn asks the, what they are looking at.

"I love you too Harry. I fucking love you too" Louis says in response to me.

He wraps his arms tight around my body, which feels good. Knowing he's here for me, and I'm here for him doesn't make my life seem so bad anymore. This is all I've ever wanted, to be loved unconditionally, despite being a freak, and being fucked up beyond repair. Louis has given me it all, yet I have been selfish and blind enough to not realize it until now. He is my everything, and thanks to our friend called fate, he's made my life so much easier. I can actually feel myself want to live now, knowing Louis truly wants me. Yes, it's taken three long years to realize it, but he is the one. Despite what the voices in my head say, Louis is my everything. He is my savior.