adventures with lion

((((:

I should get an award for handling a break up the best .. While in school

but yeah.. my girlfriend and I broke up

honestly- I shouldn't be sad at all! we're still friends. we've agreed we can keep pet names we had for each other.

but in a way- I feel like I've lost someone

cheesy?

ofc it is, it's me

ah okay: update I'm crying now

but like?

I have so many conversations on my phone that we had - and I'm scared to delete them.

I'm scared to go through them.

I feel like it's my fault.

she admits it wasn't me it was her but

a piece of me screams it was all my fault I wasn't there. that it was all my fault because I must've done something.

I just feel kind of lost.

I'm just scared?

like- let's be honest here. I still love her? like? fuck it was so cool.

having an older girlfriend. someone who lived across seas. someone who was stunningly gorgeous inside and out. and she was mine. all mine.

I'd talk to her about anything. talk about the future. talk about meeting up.

but now I'm scared.

I'm scared things will turn out like the last person I dated.

last person I dated she quit all contact. she became a totally different person.

and half of me is really scared that'll happen to her.

I really want a hug.

I shouldn't be dramatic. we ended on a good note hey! I think I'm just gonna delete ask.fm off my phone.. just until I can fully understand everything.

my brain literally still thinks we're together. but hey! it's only my second break up! I have more to deal with :))))

I actually really doubt that.

the problem is I have messages she sent me all over my walls - her telling me she loves me and I feel like clawing out my eyes I'm too sad to look at them.

fuck man- it was a 5 month relationship.

I'm gonna go calm myself down. I don't want my mum to worry.