Beyond The Eyes

Bruised and Troubled

My hands were trembling; sweat running down my palm. I can feel my heart pounding against my chest. I wanted to smash my back into the wall, slide down it until I hit the floor. I wanted to cover my ears because of the screaming that were playing in my mind. A blast of harsh rap was playing, causing the scene to be more dramatic. The sounds were coming from of the muffling of my voice. My lungs were about to give in, but I didn't stop. The voice that spoke in my mind wasn't mine. It was much more demanding and toneless. "Stay still," they repeated, groaning aggressively. My physical body was standing next to Jacob, but my mind was off to a dream. Jacob didn't notice how distracted I was until he looked into my eyes. I knew what was staring back at him. Bloody, bruised, and troubled. Something he's never seen before. Something he would never want to see, especially from me. The voices, screams, and music started to go mute as another voice went into my ears. It was comforting and charming, but also worried and tense. I can feel the shakiness from his deep raspy voice as we stood only a few inches apart. He was trying his best to hide it. He wasn't doing that well. "What's the matter? If something is wrong, you need to tell me because by the look on your face, you look terrified," Jacob sincerely said. I wanted to tell him, but not now. It wasn't the place to pour all my secrets to him. I'm gaining my trust for him now, but I still have my doubts. Should I lie? Say I'm okay when really I feel buried alive? Or should I confess all my demons right here right now, as we wait to enter the hospital room of his dying grandmother? Would that be selfish of me if I did? Probably. So, I held in all the negativity in my pained heart and lied, "I'm fine." But he kept staring into my eyes. Have the sunshine in my eyes turned into a ruthless storm? Have the calm river in my eyes vanish into a deadly waterfall? Have the clear sky in my eyes grew into a bitter dark blue with cold ferocious winds? I can see my reflection his eyes and I was right. My eyes were full of rain, wind, and darkness. Just like his. Was he staring into my eyes because it reminded him of himself? Every time he looks into the mirror of his bathroom, he sees this harsh storm that's stuck in his eyes. Or maybe it's just how I see him. Maybe as he stares into my eyes, he still sees the sunshine and the tranquil river. Maybe when he looked through his reflection in his eyes he sees peace and calmness. I guess it's how you see yourself and each other. I was puzzled, standing before him. "What do you see in my eyes?" I blurt out. He seemed confused. Maybe I was too deep, emotional for his mindset. "Excuse me?" Jacob questioned. "What do you see in my eyes? You keep staring into them. Do they remind you of something?" I ask. What was I doing? He probably was no idea what I'm saying. I wasn't talking now, my mind was. "I see something I've never witnessed before. Some place I'm not familiar of. I've dreamt of it, thought about it all the time. What I see through your eyes is different from everyone's idea of this place. It's dark, humid with rain pouring down. There isn't a source of light. Maybe the moon, but it's dull and farther away. What I see in your eyes is my idea of heaven or of paradise. And not once have I met someone with that picture in his or her eyes. Once I met you and I looked through your eyes and saw it; I knew I had to embrace them, admire them gently, carefully. Because if I didn't, it would seem like I didn't appreciate the beauty within them. So that's all I do now is stare into your eyes. I apologize if it's rude or creepy. I can't help it," he explained. I was stunned by his answer. I didn't know what to reply. "If you don't mind me asking, what do you see in mine?" he asked. "Death."

It rolled off of my tongueso fast. I couldn't even catch it. His eyes were widened, big, staring backinto mine. "I see," he nodded. His voice got low. Disappointment in myselfseeped through my veins. "I'm sorry," I mumbled. "No, there is no need to be.My grandmother is dying, so I understand why you see death," he shrugged. Iheard the sound of door creak open very slowly. My eyes flashed to the dooracross from us. A short young woman came through the door. She had her hair upand was wearing a nurse uniform. "She's ready for you guys," she smiled. "Thankyou Ann," Jacob smiled, walking forward. I wondered what she was going to thinkof me. Jacob flashed the biggest smile as he walked through the door. I wasfollowing him, entering the room. The floor was filled with colorful flowers.Balloons were floating up in the air as they touched the ceiling. My eyes movedto a woman lying down in her bed. Her skin was pale, wrinkled. She lookedunhealthy and sick. It made me want to cry thinking of how much pain she wasgoing through. She held it well, plastering a smile across her face as her eyesmet with the blued eyed boy. I held my hands together down to my waist, inchingcloser. Jacob wrapped his arms around her, hugging her fragile body tight. Hereleased her, looking down at her. "You don't have to come see me every week,sweetheart," she said, looking up at him. "Someone's got to," he replied,moving away, letting her see me. Her crystal blue eyes were just like his.Although, she was dying, I saw so much light in them. In her eyes, flowers bloomingand the sky was clear with no clouds. It was a field of the same yellow plant. Ihad an urge to rip the steam out of one of them, putting it between my ears."And who is this, dear?" she smiled. I zoned back into reality, smelling thescent of old fashion perfume. "This is Avery," Jacob answered, admiring me fromthe distance. I stepped forward, reaching out for her hand. She took it,holding it tight. "Pleasure to meet you, honey. I've never met one of Jacob'sgirlfriends. I don't think he has ever had one," she replied. I looked at Jacob,noticing the mixture of scarlet red and pale on his cheeks. He covered hischeeks with his palm, shaking his head. "Oh really?" I raised my eyebrows,tilting my head. I wondered why he hated relationships if he never evenexperienced one. I shouldn't be talking, but at least I have a reason. I satdown on one of the seats around her bed. Jacob sunk into the one next to mine."She's not my girlfriend," he correcting her. "That's a shame," she nodded herhead. "She's very pretty," his grandmother continued. "Thank you," I blushed."Grandma, can you tell Avery about William?" Nash questioned, leaning forward."You love this story huh?" she giggled. "Who's William?" I asked. "I was aroundfifteen or sixteen years old when I met my first love, William. He had longbrown hair with killer green eyes. He had this attitude about him that madepeople fear him, but I didn't. For some reason, when people saw danger in hiseyes, I saw soul and an angel. I was deadly in love with him the first time wetalked. His voice was soothing and deep to a crisp. I remember the first thinghe has ever said to me. It seems to creep into my mind on the lonely darknights I sit in this bed. His husky shoulders used to make me melt as I touchedthem. I was running the track in gym when me being clumsy, I tripped overmyself. I landed on the floor, knees scratched and wounded. "I've never seenclumsy this cute before," he said. Then the rest is history," she smiled at herpalms. "Continue, grandma," Jacob demanded. Her smile disappeared and her voicewas shaky as she tried to continue. Whatever happened was difficult to dealwith. I can see the sorrow and multiple tears escape her ocean eyes.